RoarDex

Dibaeis absoluta

OK, so why does this lichen look like it is growing mushrooms, even though these are decidedly not mushrooms? My first answer is "just to fuck with you," but D. absoluta evolved long before humankind, nonetheless you specifically. So my second answer is because the mushroom shape just makes functional sense when you want to produce a fruiting body by maximizing the physical area that produces spores, and raising them above the substrate by a thin stalk so they can get caught in and distributed by wind. Ok, so they are the spore producing structure of fungi, shaped like that, how are they not mushrooms? Mushrooms are we typically think of them are the reproductive structures of basidiomycete fungi, the spores are typically released from the lower surface of the fruiting bodies like this:

And in an ascocarp, the reproductive structure of an ascomycete fungi like that of D. absoluta, the spores are released from the upper surface of the fruiting bodies. So like this:

OK this is waaayyy simplified. There are also a bunch of internal physiological differences but you, dear reader, can look those up yourself if you are curious about the nuances of fungal development. But very generally speaking, basidiospores come out the bottom, ascospores come out the top.

So not tiny mushrooms, but very very cute just as they are!

You send people to space to save the literal entire world and you still don't trust them to dispense their own drugs

'goon' -linguistic drift gave her a new meaning. i hope her new life is good for her. i miss her.

'henchman' -too gendered. can be shortened to 'hench' in a pinch, but lacks punch.

'servant' -too domestic to apply to all those who serve evil.

'underling, subordinate' -this one only works if they get off on being beneath you and/or you don't properly pay your workers.

'associate' -this one's good for grizzled mercenaries or lone agents but doesn't work good for broad swathes of an organization.

'slave' -same as underling but more intense. really fun for some of the group. unsavory for others in a way that limits the scope of the thing.

'thrall' -only really applies if you're brainwashing them and that's not something i've learned how to do en masse yet

'flunky, toady, stooge, lackey' -these are just insulting, and that isn't conducive to a healthy work environment. imagine going to work and your job title is 'stooge'.

'acolyte' -works for those that worship you, but again. lacks the scope.

'supporter, follower' -unspecific and vague

'assistant, helper, aide' -not sinister at all. just means you're doing things for me. swagless in this manner. could be good if used to describe someone who's so clearly more that as a way to emphasize their obedience via understatement, but that's only useful for a few members of the organization. and even then, 'associate' works better.