IDNYA

From there on out, Peter avoided planes, everything from a lego set that included one, the ones on TV, ones that they saw and talked about in the classroom, and especially the ones in the air that flew over the city. Never once did he look up to see them flying, too scared that he would see one going down, just like it did with his parents. Peter Parker hated planes. He would always hate planes if he had any say in it, and he would never ever go on one if he could help it. Planes brought bad things, those bad things being death, and death made people sad. Peter didn’t want to make anyone sad, he hated when he would see Ben crying while looking at the photo of him and Peter’s dad. Even May cried sometimes, and she never cried, not even when they watched Lion King together. But, when she did, it made Peter cry and feel really bad because it was usually something related to him. 

So, no planes. 

Up until he was 15, it was easy to avoid planes. Ben and May needed to pay the bills and keep food on the table, which meant there was no time or money for them to go on a vacation. Any other kid Peter’s age would be mad about it, make a fuss and complain about how everyone (even Ned) was going somewhere over Spring Break, or during Summer, even Winter Break. Peter never saw the need to complain though. No vacation meant no plane. The only time he would be okay with going somewhere was if it was by car, but again, Ben and May don’t have the money for that. 

Peter was fine with avoiding his fear, he was fine and he was a happy kid, usually. He rarely caused any problems, played fair and nice, helped with chores around the house, gave Ben and May hugs and kisses, let them fuss over his unruly curls, let them drag him to their work when they couldn’t get a babysitter. He never once made a big deal out of anything and he was always complimented, people talked about how well behaved he was, how much of a good boy he was. It was nice. Peter liked it. He liked being unproblematic, it meant that he wasn’t annoying, which he was always afraid of being. 

Everything was good, it was great. 

Then The Fight happened, he ran away into the city at 8pm on a Thursday night, not knowing that his Uncle was following him. The man was scared, scared that his little 14 year old boy was going to get hurt, that someone would hurt him. Peter was so small for his age, he was just a kid, someone that needed protecting no matter what the boy said. God, even his glasses were still too big for him, they always slipped down his nose a little and Ben would push them back up, bopping his nose after. The kid was too young and small to be out in the big city late at night, even more so if he was by himself. Ben had looked everywhere his mind could think of, the last stop being a small gas station not far from their apartment. Peter would always go there to get candy and drinks when he was with Ned for a movie night. It was a happy place, one of the Parker's happy spaces. 

Ben never thought it would be where he would meet his end due to a gun. 

He never thought his precious nephew would be holding him while he bled out, the young boy sobbing into his chest, not even minding the blood that was coating his hands, seeping into his jeans and sweatshirt. 

Peter never thought he could cause such chaos. So much grief and pain. Peter never thought that he would kill his Uncle, be the one to blame for the death of his second father. The man that he loved more than anything in the world, the man that held him when he had nightmares and ran fingers through his hair in hopes of soothing him. 

Peter never thought that he would be a killer. 

The following months were bad. May started crying a lot, but only at night when she thought her nephew was asleep. She never wanted the boy to see her like that. Peter always knew though, he always knew. 

Peter didn’t get out of bed for nearly a week after the shooting, after the interrogation, after the funeral. He fell, and he fell hard. Darkness consumed his every waking moment, dulling his life to almost nothing. He didn’t cope well. He hid everything until May saw two cuts on his wrists and made him start seeing a therapist. The cutting stopped but the blaming didn’t. Life was hard, school was even hard and that was usually the one thing that he would manage to do without failing. The only good thing Peter had done in the past few months was apply for a Stark Internship, something that would most likely not happen. Peter wasn’t smart enough for that, no matter what anyone said. He knew the truth and that was that he was nothing but mediocre compared to some of the kids that had applied as well. He was expecting to hear anything back, he knew that he wouldn’t so he didn’t keep his hopes up. Although it seemed that his hopes were always down nowadays. He would never say anything to May cause he was scared it would hurt her feelings, but Ben had always been the one he felt safest around. So as he laid in his bed for most days, he would listen to music that his Uncle loved, wear the man’s sweater, and light his favorite candle. He would lay there for hours, the only thing disrupting him being the fucking airplanes he could hear in the sky. They only made his heart drop further. 

Nearly 5 months after Ben’s death, Peter walked into his apartment to see Tony Stark sitting on his couch, talking with his Aunt, who sadly offered the man walnut date loaf. Poor guy. To say that his heart dropped a little was an understatement. He forgot how to breathe for a moment, but he concealed it and let the man talk to him separately (even though he gets very uncomfortable around people that he doesn’t know very well) in his room. 

Getting the internship saved Peter in a way. He found a way to be happy, he found something that made him want to live again. He would never say anything to May, but before he got the internship, he had been writing suicide notes left and right, not finding the need to be alive anymore. He didn’t want to be around his Aunt anymore, he couldn’t look at her without seeing Ben bleeding out in his arms, he knew that the man was dead because of him. He couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror, he knew that there was no way May could stand him. The internship saved him. He was so busy with it that he didn’t need to be at home a lot, he was always with Mr. Stark (or Tony as the man made him call him that, he didn’t want to be seen as someone professional or something) and the man sure as hell kept him busy. There was never a dull moment and Peter wouldn’t trade it in for the world. It was still shocking that he even got the internship, but he wasn’t going to say that Tony, the man thought he was a genius. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself, but he knew he would at some point. 

Everything was fine, life was going a lot better than before, better than he thought it would ever be again. He was somewhat happy, there were no new cuts anywhere on his body, something that was hard to not do before he met Tony, but now it was easy. 

The man didn’t know that much about him, only that he lived with his Aunt, was 15, and didn’t have anything to do beside work in the lab. Even Ned stopped hanging out with him as much. Tony clearly saw this as an opportunity to spend more time with the boy, and make him do more and more work. 

Before Peter knew it, he had been working with Tony for about 11 months. It was normal to go over to the tower and not even go into the lab, but rather watch movies and make dinner, just hang out (sometimes with the other avengers which...What?!) and he even had a room there. It felt like he had something like Ben again, and he would do everything in his power not to lose it again, he wouldn’t mess up, he knew that he couldn’t cause if he did he wouldn’t survive.  He needed to keep Mr. Stark. Make sure the man would be around as long as possible. He couldn’t lose another. 

It was a Tuesday night, he and Tony were watching Star Wars (again) and eating way too much pizza. He wasn’t sure when he ended leaning heavily on the man, but before he knew it he was nearly asleep, only jerking back up when the man started talking. 

“So… May and I were talking, and she’s letting me take you to Italy for a few weeks. Pepper and I were gonna go, but we figured you could come along.” 

Peter didn’t really know what to say. How do you say that you can’t go on a vacation because you’re deathly afraid of planes? Afraid like a fucking baby. He couldn’t tell Tony about that, he couldn’t tell him about his parents or Ben (although Peter was pretty sure that Tony and May had talked about Ben when Peter had a panic attack because Tony needed to stop at the gas station that Ben had died in) it would be too much. So, he said the only thing that he could think of. “I mean yeah that sounds fun, but wouldn’t it be weird if it was just you, Pepper, and me? I would feel like I’m intruding. I don’t want you spending too much on me either.”  

Tony scoffed, and he would’ve said something about being a billionaire, but Peter’s heard it before so there was no point. 

“Harley is going to come too...and we both know you want some...alone time with him.”

Peter blushed scarlet red, ducking his head and sighing. Harley was another whole new thing in Peter’s life. Only Tony (and obviously Harley) knew that Peter was gay. When he introduced Peter to Harley eight months ago, Pete kinda fell hard, and it was very obvious. He and Harley went out a few times, but then the boy went to MIT. They still talked all the time, and were practically boyfriends, but it was just hard not being able to see the older boy, not being able to be held by him. But the idea of seeing him made Italy sound a lot more appealing. 

So he didn’t tell Tony. Why would he tell Tony something so embarrassing? Something literally pathetic? He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t take any chances of losing the man. 

Nearly two weeks later Peter was sitting on Tony’s private Jet, just the two of them. Harley had to finish a test at MIT before he could go, and Pepper decided to wait for the older boy so he wouldn’t have to fly alone. 

To say Peter was freaking out would be a little bit of an understatement. He might be having a panic attack but he honestly couldn’t be sure. Tony was trying to say something about upgrades on one of his suits, but everything the man was saying was blurring into the background. He couldn’t listen to anything even if he really tried, his whole body was on edge and he was waiting for the plane to fucking explode or something. 

Tony clearly knew something was happening, he gave Peter a side glance once in awhile, but always went back to his laptop, working on something for the company. Peter had his own laptop he had gotten from the man sitting in his lap, he was supposed to be working on coding. Which is something that he actually really enjoyed. 

Tony sighed and shut his laptop, doing the same to the boys, the younger not even noticing that the laptop was removed from his lap, his eyes trained forward, nearly unblinking. 

“Pete?” 

Nothing. 

“Hey, Peter, buddy? You okay over there?” 

The boy was only silent, not even hearing the man. 

“Peter!” 

Now that got a reaction, the boy yelping and nearly falling out of his seat, breathing becoming sporadic, face paling considerably. Tony scooted a little closer to the kid, wrapping an arm around the thin shoulders of the small boy. The man ran a hand through the unruly hair on top of the kid’s head.

“What’s going on with you kiddo? I thought you were excited for this, ya know? Seeing Italy, seeing Harley, and just getting a break that you very much deserve.” 

Peter sniffled and shrugged, figuring that this couldn’t get any more embarrassing and telling the man really couldn’t hurt him now. 

“Um… my parents, they, like my biological parents, not like May, or um...Ben. But um, they died ya know? And um I guess...well they died in a plane crash….so I’ve always avoided planes, I can’t even really...um look at them.” 

Mr. Stark looked a little taken aback in the moment, but he didn’t look mad, so Peter took that as a plus, something good to go off of. 

“Shit, kiddo...I didn’t, I’m so sorry bub....I had no clue about any of that. I’m sorry I never asked about them, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

Peter shook his head, smiling a little bit. 

“You couldn’t have known, and I appreciate you not asking, I don’t like talking about it.” 

Tony only nodded. They sat in silence for a little bit, the pilot waiting for the go from the older man. 

“We don’t have to do this kid, we can go somewhere by driving, you don’t have to be on this plane, or fly over to Italy. It’s okay.”

Peter seriously thought about getting off, but he knew that he would have to face this at some point. He couldn’t live in fear forever. Plus, he had always wanted to go to Italy, really badly, and it helped that he would be seeing Harley. He couldn’t wait to see the older boy, for many reasons, and he wasn’t about to ruin anything for Pepper, Harley, or Tony. He would be fine, he would have Tony by him and he would be okay. He would be okay. He couldn’t live in fear forever. 

So he sat there, shaking most of the time, but he let Tony hold him, run fingers through his hair. And when they landed, he never felt more happy with himself, actually happy with who he was and what he had done. The beach house was beautiful, the food was amazing, and being held by his favorite boy only a day after landing was the best feeling in the world.