i sincerely think im a superstar

fucking the everything bagel for everything

everything? including war?

fucking the war bagel for war

you think so much. You could think about a door for a hundred years and it would stay closed.

Never underestimate the power of just slapping "in an AU where..." onto the beginning of a plot idea/summary. You can do whatever you want once you got that shit there. Doesn't matter how absolutely batshit insane it is. As long as it's an AU where that insanity makes even slight sense, you're fucking golden. I once saw a Jar Jar Binks/Sheev Palpatine fic whose summary started out with "A Star Wars AU where Jar Jar never met Qui-Gon, and instead became a couples/family counselor on Naboo" and like. Wild fucking concept. Probably a wild fucking story. But no matter what happens, you've already got it covered because you established right from the start that this is already a universe where Jar Jar fucking Binks is a couples/family counselor. Anything else that happens is just bizarre icing on an already buck fucking wild cake. You can do whatever you want

And before anyone's like "bUt WhAt WeRe YoU dOiNg At ThE dEvIlS sAcRaMeNt" I was ACTUALLY looking up fics about Lurtz (the urukhai secondary antagonist from Fellowship of the Ring who kills Boromir) when I came across a "Frodo Baggins & Jar Jar Binks" tag and then ended up looking at Jar Jar Binks fics. I found a fic tagged "Abraham Lincoln/Jar Jar Binks." I also read short Anakin Skywalker/Jar Jar Binks smut fic tagged Major Character death, had the sentence "body horror abounds" in the summary, included Jar Jar calling Anakin out on racism, and a first five sentences that personally came into my home shot me in the face. It was only like 1k. Is any of this better than just being at the devil's sacrament? No. But it is significantly weirder.