* / MASTERPIECE.

if something was OFF , then nikolai’s pounding head and hazy memories weren’t a good indicator. waking up somewhere new, not remembering how he got there and spending the first hours of the day trying to piece together what happened the night before were more of a routine than anything out of the ordinary. there were few worries on the dark-haired boy’s mind by the time he finally managed to exit the stranger’s house. he had been able to get out unscathed and without being roped into any awkward morning after small talk - so that was certainly considered a win. 

with the sun shining far too bright for comfort, it took nik another few moments in order to recognize his surrounding. he was still on campus, THANK GOD, but he was further away from his dorm than his migraine were comfortable with. as his hands instinctively went to smooth down his shirt from the night before, nikolai began his long walk home. the young man made it only a few minutes before he spotted his saving grace just across the street; going into his standard coffee shop.  moments later, nikolai plumped down in the vacant seat opposite jae - an overly dramatic groan leaving his lips. “WHERE the hell did you go last night? i thought you promised me that you would never let me drink absinthe from a stranger’s belly button unsupervised after the incident in cabo last year?” nikolai’s eyebrow raised in an inquisitorial manner. “when did we start lying to eachother now, jae? i thought you’d have my back.”

it was a weird mix. while he clearly remembered the party they attended the night before , he might have gotten drunk off his asses , he still knew that shit happened but while he remembered it , it was as if his memories were in conflict with each others considering that something felt clearly wrong. memories of his future self , as he remembered a night spent with the exact same people he got to know in school but this time , they were older -- clearly many years has passed since their graduation. bribed of conversations were filling his mind , making his head ache as if it was trying to register too many things at the same time. what even was the truth ?? was this just a dream ... or did those 10 years really happened. then , how the hell was he in campus looking as youthful as he did then ?? he was in a complete state of confusion and wasn’t certain of how to act.

even the coffee didn’t seem to help him out in the state he was in. he truly was about to pull his hair out of his head if his thoughts kept on running around like that , because he felt like he could go crazy at any moments. it was awful. he truly needed to talk to someone , or else ... but then again , could he even tell them about what he was living ?? sure , if he were to find out that they too felt the same way he’d be relieved but if it’s the opposite , then he’d probably feel even worse than he already did.

                                                               ┊ HOW   MANY   TIMES   HAS   SHE   WISHED   FOR   THIS   ?   quiet   cries   in   the   restrooms   ,   dabbing   at   red   rimmed   eyes   with   wet   tissues   as   she   thinks   back   on   how   she   ended   up   in   situation   .   wiping   away   at   tears   in   lonesome   hotel   rooms   ,   wondering   how   different   life   would   be   had   she   made   a   few   different   choices   .   first   time   wishing   ,   night   after   winning   her   biggest   award   ,   looking   up   at   the   stars   and   wishing   for   a   chance   to   redo   it   .   achieving   her   dreams   wasn’t   as   happy   as   she   thought   they’d   be   ,   she   didn’t   have   everything   while   she   had   the   WORLD   at   her   finger   tips   &   she   knows   now   how   much   better   life   can   be   if   she   doesn’t   take   the   easy   way   out   .   how   unfortunate   ,   that   as   she   walks   through   campus   ,   she   forgets   how   grateful   she   is   for   this   second   chance   .

she   remembers   falling   asleep   ,   content   with   waking   up   early   &   leaving   to   make   her   scheduled   shoots   on   time   –   but   wakes   up   with   blonde   hair   in   a   dorm   room   she   hasn’t   stepped   foot   in   since   .   her   memory   is   foggy   ,   a   vague   heartthrob   echoing   in   her   chest   because   she   knows   she   doesn’t   belong   here   ,   but   she   doesn’t   remember   much   else   .   it’s   like   someone’s   gone   through   &   plucked   away   strands   of   white   hairs   ,   ROBBING   HER   of   a   future   she   sort   of   remembers   .

campus   is   empty   ,   but   she   visits   a   coffee   shop   anyway   .   slide   phone   in   pocket   ,   she   feels   dazed   –   but   a   familiar   wave   of   optimistic   energy   has   taken   over   her   body   ,   controlling   her   to   let   her   see   the   world   a   little   brighter   than   others   .   features   light   up   at   his   sight   ,   bounding   over   to   slide   in   next   to   him   .   ‘   jae   !   ’   she   greets   .   she’s   friends   with   him   ,   real   friends   –   not   just   an   annoyance   .   ‘   please   tell   me   this   is   a   dream   and   i’m   hallucinating   ,   my   head   is   pounding   &   i   swear   i’m   twenty   years   old   again   ,   because   my   planner   says   its   2010   &   i   look   like   this   .   ’   she   gestures   to   him   .   ‘   &   you   look   like   that   ,   am   i   insane   ?   ’

of course , he’d be lying if he said he never thought about going back to those times when he was in university , as things went to shit real fast even though he managed to get successful , with money and all that , much more than his parents could ever dream of and he of course proceeded to show it all to them , that he managed to make a life for himself without their help. after all , weren’t they the ones who said he’d never amount to anything ?? and yet . to say that he was really happy and not missing out on anything would have been a huge lie. and so , of course , he often dreamt about going back in time and doing things right all over again ... make sure to make better decisions instead of screwing so many people over as well as leaving those he cared so much about behind because of how he only wanted to make it big. he missed those times a lot , when all he had to think about was his friends , and kinda his classes too.

sure , he often thought that if he were to go back in time , he would have been a better person. but those were just thoughts , as it wasn’t supposed to happen. it was his past , and his present ... and the future which was yet to come and nothing he could do would change it. it’s not like traveling machines were even a thing.

it was a weird feeling. usually , when sleeping late , he tended to feel quite groggy as of recently and as he slowly came out of his slumber , the usual feeling of tiredness he got used to recently was nowhere to be seen. in fact , he didn’t remember the last time he felt that much energy while waking up in the early morning. that , soon followed by a thought which went by ‘ why is that hotel’ bed , which is supposed to be a five star , feeling so hard underneath my back ?? ‘ and when his eyes finally opened to take in his surroundings , it was as if he was in a flashback , remembering exactly where he used to live that exactly looked like this. his dorm , during his uni days. he was surely still dreaming , right ?? and so , he proceeded to pinch himself. once. twice. three times , the last being much harsher than the last ones. and yet , nothing changed. what the hell ?? did he get so drunk after the reunion that he managed to get back to his dorm , open the door and sleep in his old bed ?? was that even possible ??

it took him actually standing up to notice that something was truly wrong. this wasn’t a dream , as if his wishes ended up coming true , he was standing in front of the mirror , looking as young as he was back in 2010 ( and around ) and he wasn’t sure for how long he stood there like an idiot , pulling a few faces before getting dressed and coming out of his room in a daze. the hell was happening ?? 

nonsexual acts of intimacy - select from the following for my muse to respond to…

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together