𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖘𝖙 / * 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

                                                          ┊ A   LOUD   SQUEAL   IS   HEARD   AS   SHE   RUNS   PAST   A   GROUP   OF   PEOPLE   ,   almost   knocking   herself  over   .   backpack   bouncing   on   her   shoulders   as   she   sprints   to   catch   up   with   them   ,   she   waves   a   small   stack   of   papers   in   her   hands   .   ‘   i   need   your   help   !   ’   she   almost   yells   at   them   ,   running   around   to   stand   in   front   of   them  ,  blocking   their   path   .   jeans   are   loose   at   the   ankles   ,   big   sweatshirt   to   her   thighs   as   her   hair   sticks   out   in   random   places   .   out   of   breath   ,   she   shows   them   the   white   papers   in   her   hands   .   ‘   PLEASE   say   you’ll   be   in   this   student   film   with   me   .   the   director   said   she’s   going   to   cancel   it   cause   nobody   wants   to   play   casey   .   it’s   really   easy   ,   all   you   have   to   do   is   die   a   little   .   ’

“ oh my god, the atmosphere here is really intense, right ?? “ she asked, taking another sip from her water bottle. “ so many people i know are like completely disoriented and i’m just like ‘what’s your deal’. i feel like everyone here needs a drink. if you know of any parties going on, let me know. ”

                                                            ┊  ON   HER   FIFTH   WATER   BOTTLE   OF   THE   DAY   ,   nell   gives   gianna   a   weak   smile   .   ‘   i   completely   agree   .   i   can’t   even   remember   what   i   was   doing   last   night   but   i’m   –   disoriented   ,   as   you   said   .   ’   she   pouts   a   little   bit   at   the   blonde   .   ‘   i   don’t   know   any   parties   but   please   tell   me   you   know   a   way   to   get   rid   of   this   headache   .   ’

    CONFUSION settled in her nerves as she wandered down the hallway , trying to make sense on what day it was. her dream felt so long , so gnarly ; it had to have been two days of being practically deceased in bed. as she turned and twisted through the main building , chocolate-covered hues landed on a calendar. a sigh of relief was released into the air as she made her way over to it. february 14th. “ i didn’t ever find a valentine’s , “ she mumbled to herself , turning to the nearest person. “ i had all month to find someone to take me out and i didn’t even do that ?  what the hell am i supposed to do tonight ?  “

                                                           ┊  LOUDLY   SLURPING   HER   ALMOST   FINISHED   DRINK   ,   nell   looks   from   the   calendar   back   to   janis   with   a   smile   .   ‘   please   ,   valentine’s   day   is   overrated   ,   right   ?   ’   she   doesn’t   think   it   is   ,   she   loves   valentine’s   day   ,   but   her   roommate   doesn’t   hold   the   same   energy   she   has   at   the   moment   .   ‘   we   can   hang   out   !   i’ll   ditch   eric   &   we   can   stay   in   ,   watch   some   movies   ,   eat   chocolates   .   it’ll   be   fun   !   ’

                                                           ┊ SOMETHING   WAS   TERRIBLY   WRONG   .   anyone   with   half   a   brain   could   tell   that   they   weren’t   where   they   were   when   they   fell   asleep   last   night   –   or   ,   WHEN   they   were   .   as   per   the   daily   at   rvu   though   ,   nell   didn’t   let   it   bother   her   too   much   .   she   had   met   up   with   eric   already   ,   spoken   with   her   friends   &   peers   .   while   everyone   agreed   that   something   seemed   weird   ,   nobody   had   a   solution   or   an   explanation   ;   so   ,   she   might’ve   remembered   something   about   her   future   ,   but   she   could   easily   explain   it   away   as   a   very   intense   dream   .

it   was   a   new   day   ,   another   boring   ,   ordinary   day   at   rvu   that   she   could   live   out   .   annoyance   had   written   into   her   veins   overnight   ,   the   realization   hitting   her   that   if   she   did   travel   ten   years   back   in   time   –   she’d   have   to   live   ten   years   again   .   three   thousand   more   days   to   get   back   to   where   she   was   .   ‘   wait   !   hold   the   door   !   ’   she   calls   ahead   to   the   male   entering   the   building   in   front   of   her   .   a   tin   of   muffins   in   hand   ,   she   jogs   quickly   to   the   door   ,   looking   up   at   the   boy   with   a   grateful   smile   .   her   mouth   opens   to   thank   him   until   she   sees   his   face   &   her   dream   becomes   a   little   more   real   .

she   loves   this   boy   –-   which   ,   makes   her   want   to   both   vomit   &   SCREAM   at   the   same   time   .   nell   knows   him   ,   but   she’s   never   met   him   before   .   the   wave   that   washes   over   her   is   overwhelming   enough   to   make   her   laugh   awkwardly   and   hold   up   the   uncovered   tin   .   ‘   muffin   ?   ’

nobody had ever accused winnie of being overly-attentive to other people, but even she could tell that something seemed to be up with nell. “hey, you need to sit down or something? you’re looking a little worse for wear.” she shrugged, a smile on her lips. “every day’s a party as far as i’m concerned. so we can definitely do something this weekend too. especially if your plans happen to include a certain boyfriend.”

                                                            ┊  NELL’S   SMILE   WIDENS   AND   SHE   SHAKES   HER   HEAD   .   a   tired   groan   falls   from   her   lips   ,   memories   from   displaced   timelines   taking   up   her   mind   .   ‘   i’m   okay   ,   i   just   –   i’ve   never   been   so   hungover   ?   ’   it   comes   out   as   more   of   a   question   than   a   statement   ,   but   she   waves   her   hand   .   ‘   ignore   me   ,   i’ll   be   fine   i   just   need   to   hydrate   –   but   no   ,   do   it   tonight   !   i   can   bring   eric   ,   we   can   help   set   up   or   something   ,   anything   you   need   .   ’

when a pair of slender arms wrap around his torso, eric begins to exist only as a series of contradictions. he freezes up, he wants to melt into this touch; he knows exactly who this is, he wants so badly to be wrong. time seems to slow down as his captor pokes her head out from behind him and he comes face to face with none other than nell herself. she looks as beautiful as he remembers her, and with every artless bat of her eyelashes, eric feels a sharp tug on his heartstrings. he looks into her eyes and understands one important reality: she doesn’t remember, at least not what really matters. 

“hey, nelliebean,” he finally replies with an effortlessness that almost frightens him. the words tumble out of his mouth, as if to say, i’ve been waiting for you. “happy valentine’s day!” i missed you. i missed you. i missed you.

eric slings an arm across nell’s shoulders, smoothing back her hair with his other hand as his stomach twists itself into a thousand knots. he remembers everything, of course. he remembers the feeling of her fingers interlocking with his, the delicate scent of her skin. he remembers the way her features light up when she smiles, the lilting melody of her voice. how could he ever forget the exquisite thrill of loving her? and perhaps more importantly, how could he ever forget that when he lost her, he lost a part of himself too?

he briefly wonders if this is all part of an exceptionally cruel joke, but nell is looking at him too expectantly for this to not be real. how can he tell her with his own mouth that maybe their great love story was never meant to be, that ten years from now, they’d be no better than strangers? there is so much more for him to appreciate now that he knows how this all ends; he wants to hold her just a little bit longer before she slips away from him again.

so he lies.

“i don’t really remember,” he says, frowning as he feigns a wistful tone. eric doesn’t want to lie to her, but just once, just for a little while, he wants to be selfish. “were you happy? if you were happy, then i must have been too.”

and god, does he wish that was the truth.

                                                             ┊  SMILE   WIDENS   AT   THE   NICKNAME   .   her   heart   flutters   ,   just   from   hearing   his   voice   ,   from   running   her   eyes   over   his   features   ,   from   the   way   his   hand   pushes   back   her   hair   .   she   loves   him   ,   she’s   in   love   with   him   –   completely   content   with   the   handsome   boy   that   looks   exactly   as   he   did   ten   years   ago   .   she   ignores   that   she   can’t   remember   what   he   looks   like   in   ten   years   ,   even   though   she   can   remember   how   she   looks   .   

hands   wrapped   around   his   neck   ,   thumbs   caressing   his   jawline   gently   as   he   looks   to   her   .   there’s   something   wrong   ,   she   can   tell   ;   she   thinks   .   she’s   an   actress   ,   taught   &   trained   to   lie   in   a   scene   with   other   liars   .   rarely   does   she   like   to   think   of   it   like   that   ,   but   seeing   the   look   in   his   eyes   makes   her   stomach   drop   &   want   to   pull   away   .

but   she   doesn’t   really   want   to   pull   away   .   standing   with   him   the   sunlight   ,   back   in   time   ;   she   gets   ten   more   years   with   him   .   ten   more   years   on   top   of   ten   perfect   years   ,   she   doesn’t   know   if   she’ll   regain   those   memories   ,   but   she   wants   to   make   more   with   him   .   

‘   i   think   so   ,   ’   she   says   quieter   ,   deepening   the   hug   as   she   readjusts   her   position   .   arms   withdraw   &   rewrap   around   his   waist   ,   leaning   on   his   chest   while   she   looks   up   to   him   .   an   uncomfortable   feeling   of   anxiety   crawls   into   her   own   chest   ,   very   quickly   replacing   her   glee   –   but   she   pushes   it   away   ,   trying   to   relish   in   the   halo   around   them   .   ‘   i’m   always   happy   with   you   ,   right   ?   ’   smiles   again   ,   not   as   wide   as   before   .   ‘   it’s   you   &   me   ,   right   ?   forever   ?   ’

josie looks his old friend up and down , trying to put a finger on what felt different between them , aware of the way she seemed to be analyzing him with every word he spoke . this was just nell , right ? he figures it’s just the adjustment of going back in time , which is still something he is trying to wrap his head around , and really he’s just relieved to see a familiar face . “ what does it matter if i know the technology or not ? i said i would invent it , that doesn’t mean i actually have to put the thing together . i introduce the idea , someone else makes it , amazon slaps their name on it , and we all get a shit ton of money and live happily ever after . ” his shoulders raise in a careless shrug . “ and come on , tommy is boring . we have to make it sound interesting . penelope will peak interest , mark my words . ”

                                                              ┊ HER   LIP   CURLS   UP   INTO   A   SMILE   ,   even   though   there’s   nothing   more   she   wants   to   do   than   shake   off   the   unease   on   her   skin   .   she   makes   an   attempt   to   ignore   it   ,   to   bottle   it   up   like   she   used   to   always   do   with   her   feelings   .   she   doesn’t   know   how   she   deals   with   it   in   the   future   ,   exactly   ,   but   she   can   just   ignore   the   feeling   now   .   if   she   just   ignores   it   ,   she   can   still   be   friends   with   him   .   ‘   okay   ,   so   let   me   hear   your   pitch   for   it   ,   ’   she   smiles   .   ‘   how   are   you   going   to   sell   ‘   penelope   ’   when   i   don’t   even   like   the   name   ?   ’

          EYES   ROLL   DRAMATICALLY   to   the   back   of   his   head   as   she   continues   to   speak   of   her   own   worries   ;   i   mean   ,   hello   ,   this   was   clearly   a   zane   problem   and   he   needed   help   fixing   it   .         ❝     you   actresses   and   your   drama   !    ❞   he   huffs   hypocritically   ,   a   cheeky   grin   on   his   face   as   his   finger   steals   strawberry   cream   cheese   from   her   bagel   ,   knowing   full   well   he’d   get   in   trouble   for   it   .  

          see   ,   this   felt   real   -   the   playfulness   ,   just   like   old   times   .   he’d   missed   his   partner   in   crime   ,   but   life   had   got   in   the   way   for   both   of   them   as   they   grew   older   :   her   making   it   big   and   him   ,   well   ,   making   a   cheese   toastie   before   sitting   on   his   worn   out   couch   watching   soccer   ,   longing   for   a   life   he   could’ve   had   .   

         but   this   wasn’t   old   times   ,   this   was   now   .       ❝     maybe   i   won’t   accept   my   bitchin’   life   ,   ❞   eyes   brighten   as   he   has   a   real   revelation   ,   ❝     maybe   i’ll   stay   in   this   weird   ‘ time   doesn’t   exist   land ‘   and   have   a   second   chance   at   being   the   pro   ball   player   i   was   always   supposed   to   be   ,   i   mean   ,   maybe   this   is   god   giving   me   a   second   chance   at   life   —   ❞   he   stops   rambling   and   turns   his   head   to   her   in   shock   ,   ❝     wait   ,   did   you   really   win   an   OSCAR   ?   ❞ 

                                                               ┊ NELL   LAUGHS   ,   CHEWING   HER   BAGEL   .   she’s   nothing   short   of   dramatic   –   she’s   aware   ,   brows   pulling   together   as   he   steals   cream   cheese   from   her   bagel   .   pulling   away   ,   her   jaw   drops   in   mock   hurt   .   ‘   of   course   i’m   going   to   be   dramatic   when   you’re   stealing   from   me   !   i   can’t   believe   you   .   ’   head   shakes   ,   but   her   features   don’t   match   her   words   .

an   odd   relief   washing   through   her   chest   ,   but   she   doesn’t   know   why   .   her   head   is   foggy   ,   but   she   could   swear   that   this   comfort   is   something   she   hasn’t   felt   in   a   long   time   .   the   feeling   doesn’t   align   with   her   memories   ,   but   she   doesn’t   want   to   dig   too   much   .   she’s   had   a   great   life   ,   a   great   ten   years   that   she   doesn’t   want   to   taint   with   any   unwanted   feelings   .

she   looks   over   at   zane   ,   resting   her   head   on   her   own   shoulder   .   listening   to   him   with   wide   eyes   while   she   nods   ,   nose   crinkling   at   his   last   sentence   while   she   laughs   again   .   ‘   yeah   ,   dummy   –   i   won   an   oscar   –   but   this   is   a   second   chance   .   you   know   now   what   to   do   &   what   not   to   do   .   carpe   diem   ,   zane   !   ’

closed starter for @scenalis·

lying side by side, the two females had spent the past hour staring at the night sky above them, pointing between the stars as vienna began telling miscellaneous stories about the constellations. it was comforting knowing that she could do this, blurt out random bits of knowledge without judgement, knowing that nell was always listening even if she didn’t quite follow. and as the brown haired girl begun telling the myth behind another configuration of stars, she couldn’t help but let out a laugh, slightly turning her head to face the other. 

“ did you know this was the first constellation i learned about, ” she began, a hint of mirth dancing around the edges of her eyes. she had been watching a movie with her brother, one that he was apprehensive to see but willing to sit through anyways if it meant spending time with her. “ honestly it was the first time i actually realized the stars were more than just…pretty lights to gaze at. ” once again she turned back to the dimly lit escape before her, a gentle smile appearing. “ it made me realize that…there’s more…to everything really. that things could have meaning…even if at first it doesn’t seem that way. ” she had no idea where her train of thought was going, only knowing that she felt like it was something nell needed to hear.

                                                                ┊ FIRST   TIME   STARGAZING   SHE   CAN’T   REMEMBER   .   probably   with   her   dad   on   the   beaches   of   australia   while   he   laughs   at   her   accent   –   the   one   he   doesn’t   have   cause   he   was   raised   in   america   .   she   doesn’t   even   remember   why   he   taught   her   ,   but   within   a   couple   of   years   ,   she   started   going   alone   ;   teaching   herself   the   constellations   in   the   sky   .   stars   hold   the   original   stories   ,   she   can   make   up   her   own   if   she   wants   ,   because   there   aren’t   any   rules   in   the   night   sky   .

her   head   tilts   to   the   side   ,   looking   at   her   friend   with   raised   eyebrows   .   slight   surprise   written   in   her   features   as   vienna   speaks   her   mind   .   not   that   nell   minds   ,   the   OPPOSITE   in   fact   –   vague   memories   of   her   talking   while   vienna   listens   ,   rarely   the   other   way   around   .   if   she   can   do   this   again   ,   she   wants   to   hear   her   friend   talk   more   ,   to   hear   her   grow   into   the   woman   she   knows   she   can   be   .   ‘   what’s   really   on   your   mind   ,   v   ?   ’   she   asks   ,   sitting   up   and   brushing   her   hair   out   .   ‘   you   feeling   okay   ?   i   know   everyone’s   a   little   –   fucked   up   today   ,   so   is   everything   okay   ?   ’

if winnie had expected a reaction from nell, she probably wouldn’t have guessed the look of wide-eyed…. surprise? fear? that raced across her face. but the look was gone a second later and replaced by a more natural thoughtful expression, so quickly that winnie wondered if she had imagine it. “those could be fun. do you have the different families as different colors? because i think it might be a bit last minute for people to find costumes. stoplight parties can be fun, but then it also seems? i don’t know, like the only point of a party is to hook up with someone? hooking up is definitely fun, but when it becomes the point of the party, the party can get a bit weird from my experience.”

                                                               ┊ LIPS   PURSE   ,   FINGERS   TAPPING   ON   THE   TABLETOP   .   she   doesn’t   know   if   she   cares   about   the   party   –   her   head   hurst   &   she’s   unaware   of   what’s   happened   ,   but   she   can   at   least   help   a   friend   .   ‘   yeah   ,   mix   stoplight   and   the   theme   –   montague   in   red   ,   capulet   in   green   or   something   .   ’   she   offers   a   smile   ,   shakes   her   head   because   that   doesn’t   make   sense   .   ‘   would   the   party   be   tonight   ?   or   the   weekend   ,   i   might   have   plans   .   ’   hues   squeeze   shut   ,   hands   going   to   rub   her   temples   momentarily   .   ‘   because   this   fucking   HEADACHE   is   disorienting   .   ’

                                                               ┊ UNMATCHED   GLEE   FILLS   HER   LUNGS   ,   a   loving   giggle   falling   from   her   lips   as   she   spots   eric   from   across   the   square   .   any   trace   of   a   headache   falls   away   ,   washed   away   by   an   (   almost   )   overwhelming   wave   of   LOVE   while   she   waves   goodbye   to   her   friends   to   skip   over   to   him   .   she’s   missed   him   so   much   &   there’s   been   an   uncomfortable   feeling   in   her   chest   that   she’s   been   missing   him   forever   .   which   ,   doesn’t   make   sense   ,   because   she   might   not   remember   much   .   she   doesn’t   remember   eric   in   her   future   ,   among   the   awards   &   the   parties   ,   the   roles   landed   &   the   milestones   ;   but   he’s   been   there  ,  right   ?   she’s   chalked   it   up   to   a   faulty   memory   ,   to   the   FOG   that   refuses   to   leave   her   mind   as   the   day   goes   on   .   the   longer   she’s   awake   ,   the   less   she   remembers   –   like   it’s   all   a   wild   dream   she’ll   forget   if   she   stays   awake   .

‘   eric   !   ’   squeals   excitedly   ,   wrapping   her   arms   around   him   from   behind   .   everything   about   him   is   familiar   ,   the   way   he   smells   ,   the   way   he   feels   in   her   arms   .   scoots   around   so   she’s   in   front   of   him   ,   arms   wrapped   around   his   waist   ,   hues   looking   up   at   him   .   her   eyes   hold   everything   &   she’s   looking   up   at   him   like   she   looks   at   the   moon   &   stars   ;   like   how   psyche   looked   upon   eros   ,   falling   in   love   with   a   god   .   ‘   happy   valentine’s   day   .   ’   a   wide   smile   for   him   ,   standing   on   her   tip   toes   to   ask   him   .   ‘   do   you   remember   ?   ’   she   asks   ,   hoping   he’ll   be   able   to   fill   her   in   on   what   she’s   missing   .

she   wants   to   know   everything   ,   how   successful   they   are   together   ,   when   they   got   married   –   if   they   really   named   their   kids   what   they   said   they’d   name   them   .   wraps   her   arms   around   his   neck   ,   pulling   him   close   .   ‘   i   can’t   remember   much   ,   but   it   must’ve   been   good   ,   right   ?   ’

winnie woke up with a splitting headache and the feeling that she had forgotten something important. but then, that was most mornings for the girl, so she wasn’t particularly fussed about it. she was back to her normal, vodka-in-a-water-bottle self by the end of her next lecture class. “so i want to have a party tonight but it’s valentines day. i’m trying to think whether there’s a theme that’s fun but not too basic, you know. any thoughts?”

                                                                ┊ HEAD   TILTS   ,   WORLD   SPINNING   SLIGHTLY   AT   HER   WORDS   .   eyes   widen   slightly   ,   mind   racing   to   remember   the   day   .   valentine’s   day   ,   shouldn’t   she   have   plans   with   eric   ?   the   femme   frowns   ,   looking   to   winnie   with   pursed   lips   .   ‘   themes   ?   what   about   ye   olde   verona   ,   everyone   invited   has   to   choose   montague   or   capulet   –   have   to   match   up   with   someone   from   the   other   house   .   ’   something   she’s   seen   before   –   a   kardashian’s   party   ,   she   thinks   .   ‘   or   maybe   ,   i   dunno   –   stoplight   parties   never   go   wrong   .   ’