self discipline is so hard like. i know the sucker who's in charge...a pushover who hates authority and loves hedonism

dying at people being outraged like "will should have his award revoked" "how can he do something so violent and outrageous!!" "this is a win to toxic masculinity" lmfaoooo it's a bitch slap y'all so sensitive and the asshole deserved it. if more assholes got bitch slapped when they humiliate women in front of millions of people maybe the world would be a better place.

[video description: a man playing saxophone in front of a large pipe. everything he plays echoes back through the pipe, resulting in a call-and-response type song. the person behind the camera claps along to the beat. end description.]

a reasonable society would base their entire economy around this

i dont bite people anymore. but i did as a child cos i thought i was a werepuppy. also i was still mormon so i would go into the school bathroom at 11:11 everyday (not a mormon thing i was just obsessed with witches n pretended i was one in 5th grade) and pray that god would turn me into a little dog so i could stop going to school. and i was always like “if you don’t turn me into a little dog i will STOP BELIEVING IN YOU” and he didn’t so i did.

asymmetrical information warfare

The police are legitimately the biggest gang in the country.

i love all that old testament stuff where god was like i dare you to kill that baby

“are u okay?” no i need more money

the coworker who never give a shit but can manage the establishment by themselves, never does more than they have to but will help you do your task if they see youre depressed, calls out regularly, is never on time and doesn’t care, attitude but a sweetheart, foments discontent with workplace norms, quits suddenly and beautifully,…

Those fucking John Green Crash Course videos were such a goddamn terror and I’m always going to have so much contempt for my AP teacher forcing us to watch them

“Hi I’m John Green the Cock Goblin welcome to Crash Course World History Philosophy Literature Every Humanities Ever and today we’re talking about why Sylvia Plath stuck her head in an oven and Jay Gatsby is so bae. Never mind the fact that I have zero credentials in most of the things I talk about I make weird horny books for teenagers so I’ve designated myself the cool Internet guy here to teach you about everything and your teacher is going to go along with it cause they gargle rocks. Fuck you.”

Until like halfway through the second post I was picturing Tom Green