oh

then what

omg i spoke punjabi with a woman who works at my local chipotle because a white customer had been very aggressive with her and i wanted to talk to her covertly about it and she goes “punjabi sounds like poetry from your lips” LIKE 😭

leaving a yelp review that just says “what are we 😳”

The world's least tucked in and kissed stuffie has just shed it's millionth tear

The world's least tucked in and kissed stuffie has just been picked up by the world's most autistic 7 year old girl. "She just would not let that thing go," one witness observed.

The world's least tucked in and kissed stuffie has just been tucked in and kissed "a million bajillion times," one source informed us.

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅‍♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷‍♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,

c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷‍♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,

hiiiiii 😇 我是亲的守护小天使！okay🙏 嗯。您在差不多半年会饿死哈🥺 若我不能救您我会被#炒鱿鱼！🫢 那可不行哦🙅‍♀️ 哈哈。所以昵🙏我查了一下人类饿死的原因，然后发现：诶呀呀😯亲的死是可以避免哒！😆 这世上有足够食物给亲吃，一点儿也不需要影响别人的生存率哒！但不给亲！🤨 怎么会这样昵？ 🤷‍♀️ 原来，亲的死是被一帮叫“股东”的东西计算好滴！ 所以昵🙏 我杀了一些人，

Sou euuu eu sou seu anjo da guarda oiiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 então. em uns seis meses, você vai morrer de fome. 🥺 E se eu não te proteger , eu vou ser: #demitido! 🫢 e isso Não É Bom 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Então. 🙏 Eu dei uma pesquisada sobre as causas de morrer de fome, e descobri que: Sua morte é completamente previnível! 😯 Oh oh! 😆 Tem mais comida do que o suficiente pra te sustentar sem interferir com a sobrevivência de mais ninguém, mas você não pode acessar essa comida! 🤨 Queeee? 🤷‍♀️ Aparentemente, sua morte é premeditada por milhares de coisas chamadas "acionistas." Então. 🙏 Eu estive matando algumas pessoas,

ik ben het, je beschermengel, hoiiiii 😇 oké 🙏 dus. over ongeveer 6 maanden ga je dood doordat je verhongert. 🥺 en als ik je niet bescherm, word ik: #ontslagen! 🫢 en dat is Niet Goed 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Dus. 🙏 ik heb er even gekeken naar oorzaken van verhongering en wat blijkt: Je dood is gewoon te voorkomen! 😯 Oh oh! 😆 Er is meer dan genoeg voedsel om je in leven te houden zonder het overleven van anderen te verhinderen, maar jij mag het niet hebben! 🤨 Waaat? 🤷‍♀️ Blijkbaar is jouw dood al van tevoren bepaald door duizenden dingen genoemd "aandeelhouders." Dus. 🙏 Ik ben bezig geweest met mensen vermoorden,

やっほ！きみの守護天使だよぉ～ 😇 OK 🙏 実はきみ、六か月後に飢餓で死んじゃうんだって 🥺 きみを守れなかったら私、到頭#首だよ！ 🫢 首とかダメでしょ 🙅‍♀️ (苦笑)それでね 🙏 飢餓の原因を調べてみるとね、きみの死因は全然回避できちゃうよ！ 😯 やば～い！ 😆 誰の分を奪わずにきみがお腹いっぱい食べていけるだけのごはんが普通にあるのに、きみが手に入っちゃいけないんだとか！ 🤨 あれえぇ？！ 🤷‍♀️ 実はきみの死亡が、「株主」っていうやつによる計画的犯行らしいんだあ。というわけで！ 🙏 私、人を殺しまくり始めたんだけど～、

ito akooo ako ang anghel na tagatanod mo mustaaaaaa 😇 sige 🙏 ngayon. sa paglipas ng anim na buwan, mamatay ka dahil sa matinding pagkagutom. 🥺 at kung hindi kita maprotektahan, ako'y #masisisante! 🫢 at hindi yun Maganda 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Kaya. 🙏 Siniyasat ko ang mga sanhi ng pagkagutom, at ang totoo pala ay: Kayang maiwasan ang iyong pagkamatay! 😯 Naku! 😆 Mayroong higit sa sapat na pagkain upang mabuhay ka nang hindi nakakasagabal sa kaligtasan ng iba, ngunit hindi ka pinapayagang magkaroon nito! 🤨 Ano raaaw? 🤷‍♀️ Mukhang ang kamatayan mo'y dulot ng libu-libong mga bagay na tinatawag na "mga shareholders." Kaya. 🙏 May ilang tao na akong pinatay,

I think this is the best scientist photograph I have ever seen.

But people didn’t believe him on reddit. So Watterson made the photo sequence into a gif.

I had to go through the notes to find the gif. Not because I didn’t believe him but because I wanted to see it.

Fantastic

that edible you took three years ago is about to kick in

you laugh but years ago i had a massive head cold and i was sitting at a red light trying to blow my nose so hard you'd think i was giving birth through my nostril and all of a sudden i got snow drainage like that taste and the coaty throat and my gums went numb like wtf. at that point i'd been clean off the yayo for almost a dozen years like do i seriously have a weird pocket of cocaine packed far up in my sinus somewhere or wtf is happening.

the world is so beautiful