This is Confusion

me: oo can we get this cereal

mom: are you gonna eat it

My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go - they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.

That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:

There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street

Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position

One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it

It was raining

They pulled the covers off my bed and now they want me to put the covers back

They put their ball on top of the ottoman but the ottoman won’t throw it for them

The cat is sleeping and won’t chase them

A flower fell off the potted plant

The cat is sitting in a box and they don’t like it

One of them lost their bandana

The cat won’t take the toy they’re trying to give her

a ten minute long spaceship fight with no context or purpose, which destroys a city. “no one will remember” channing tatum growls as they leave the city, as if youtube does not exist

“here’s a latke for you, bitch”

someone using a menstrual pad as a bandage by slapping the sticky part onto the wound, leaving the actual blood-absorbing part just kind of…waving around

actors chewing the scenery so hard i’m surprised beautifully over-constructed bits of space metal aren’t just falling out of their mouths

a man trying to shoot thousands of bees in the middle of a cornfield

a gun that makes dog noises. it barks. the gun barks. 

oedipus complexes so beautifully twisted and terrible that you will spend half the movie mouthing “oh my god” to yourself

related to that, the climactic line of the movie is “i’m not your damn mother,” so take that as you will

a breathtakingly gorgeous and complex universe used as a background for a romance between woman and a man. granted, the man is a wolf angel. but still.

I CREATE LIVES……………….

“bees can sense royalty”

mila kunis having the powerful realization partway through that she is a furry, an epiphany that changes her life

“i love dogs” she whispers, eyes wide

SPACE BUREAUCRACY. A MONTAGE THAT IS JUST SPACE BUREAUCRACY. THEY FILL OUT SPACE FORMS. IN SPACE.

“bees can sense royalty”

channing tatum, shirtless in the void of space

a room FILLED WITH CANDLES

soylent green nectar…….is…………….peeeeoplllle

“bees can sense royalty”

sean bean’s apparent daughter, who shows up onscreen for a minute and a half, leaves to get supplies for dinner, and never comes back

yeah sean bean is in this too i didn’t believe it either

“bees can sense royalty”

a space wedding. it’s just like an earth wedding. BUT IN SPACE

mila kunis’ character’s name is jupiter

yes i am dead serious about this

she spends most of the movie falling

they really should have called it “jupiter descending” because that’s all she does