orchestrated canopy

i'm tired from feeling like a purposeless puppy and i hate feeling abandoned and the main thing is abandonment IS the thing that keeps me going and it's such a wicked-vicious-self-inflicted tomfuckery of a living. holy shit the time i spent on bupropion was actually manageable just because the sheer amount of heartache was decently controlled by a mishap of a mind in my skull. gosh i want to finish this album and just stop feeling this crap thank you

wow i love bullshitting through life like with job interviews and album covers because i told my bestie that i have an idea for it and then just forgot my thoughts and went on to draw still???? and it was pretty FIRE???? like in a conceptual way. jeez bless this mess

i do get personal on main that's just what kind of a person I am.....................

my fancy little blown-out-of-proportions summer crush blew over and is in flames so it means more thoughts to digest and regurgitate yay. wish i could spew bile tho

newsflash but i've got a job now and i'm still angry and energetic most of the time. it does never end

i've cut my hair dyed it ginger wrote a few more progressions that i enjoy and got absolutely BLASTED by summer rain so hard my garfield socks turned into a waterbed of sorts i need to vent and i need to vent so hard that everything goes up in fucking flames methinks

i miss living at home and not paying rent. gosh being unemployed is like fucking hell for autistic people....... so is being employed actually but at least i would have a routine

i've actually always wanted to name my first.. something? be it poetry compilation or music album, doesn't matter, wanted to name it helium it's like.. the second most abundant element in the universe, it's second in the periodic table, it's a noble gas that makes your voice squeaky. and i guess the sun will turn into a red giant because of helium, the lack thereof. and i love that it's atomic mass starts at 4, which is probably one of my favourite numbers.. so hooray trivia

and btw off remake comes out in a month and listening to the remade tracks made me emotional and a bit sad because YES. yes new soft breeze is still kinda the same, structure-wise, and fourteen residents is still an ambient somewhat mystical menu track but i miss the original ones.. anyway the ost is only partially released so sbeve.... AND I HAVE TO ADD THAT new flesh maze tango is kinda.. fine? but the thing will the previous ost was that it had that choir-sounding sample that was frequently used across.. well at least a few melodies. i miss it.........

mildly fun but while playing in stars and time i was smoking some burnt vapes that a guest left in my room. and they tasted like.. umm.... BURNT SUGAR? and smoke. mostly gross and after a few times of getting my throat scorched i stopped but now the taste is soooo reminiscent of it.. what a great game gee

again it feels hard to think of myself seriously with all those whoopboop melodies but guess nobody ever will if i won't the be the first one

i guess i'll post the last melody of the album and compile it all into one.. so i will have my first album? gee gotta design a cover art for it....

never write more than one song for a guy they don't know the fucknig toll that building the melody takes