Untitled

okay so I started weriting this crazy fic on AO3 and for some reason tumblr won't let me post it here.

Check ricewithnosauce on AO3 if you're curious.

"He's my ex and he owes me shit. Sex. Nevermind. My point being, he's gonna fix this", Constantine says.

"No fucking way", Dean snaps.

"No fucking way what?" Constantine asks.

"He's the devil", Castiel says.

"No fucking shit you bloody copycat! In case you didn't notice, we have a talking chicken, a talking cat named Kat and a flying head which broke the fucking universe. Lucifer is going to be the most normal thing here!" Constantine snaps.

Castiel shrugs his shoulders and says:

"He has a point!"

Dean throws his hands in the air, hitting the cloud and causing even more unicorn shit to fall out.

"You're on his side now?! Unbelievable! I thought you loved me!"

"When did I ever say that I loved you?" Castiel asked.

Suddenly, everything was silent. Even Adam's head stopped pulling Matt's hair. Only the sound of Lucifer's voice came from the underground. "Dang lad. That sucks." Dean wanted to kill himself yet again.

And there was Lucifer in a fancy black three-piece suit, his hair slicked back. He looked like he was about to make a deal with someone. Well, be was probably about to anyways.

"Fix this shit, would you?" Constantine says.

"For free?" Lucifer asks, raising his brow.

"YOU OWE ME!" Constantine screams.

"What for?" Lucifer says as he readjusts his tie, looking at a mirror in his pocket.

"For leaving me to so that you can fuck Guy Pearce!" Constantine said.

"But fucking him was fun", Lucifer remarked, finally looking away from his mirror.

"What does that idiot have that I don't?! We're literally the same person" Constantine screams.

"He actually showers", Lucifer says.

Then Constantine angrily snaps his fingers and Adam's head starts violently attacking Lucifer while screaming:

"FOOD! FOOD! LET'S FEAST!"

"What the... GET THIS PEST AWAY FROM ME!" Lucifer starts screaming as Adam's head starts trying to eat them. He flutters his arms like he's chasing a big ass mosquito.

"No", Constantine says.

"WHY DON'T YOU ASK GUY PEARCE TO FUCKING HELP YOU SINCE HE'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME!"

"BUT HE SHOWERS!" Lucifer screams as he punches Adam's head.

"...How is he supposed to help us?" Dean whispered to Kat while pointing at Constantine.

"Eh well, we're doomed", Kat said.

As Matt was still stuck on the top of the tree, he noticed something moving further away, swirming like a lot of ants. Then suddenly they weren't in a rain forest anymore, but on a square in a city (Prague, but that doesn't matter right now, Matt probably doesn't even know where Prague is anyway), and Matt was on top of the street lamp. But by now everyone (who cared, which meant Kat and Dean, because Winkie was shitting and Castiel was being Castiel and Constantine and Adam's head were busy attacking Lucifer) could see that the swarm was actually a large gang of actual zombies.

Wait a minute...

"GUYS THERE ARE ACTUAL ZOMBIES IN HERE! THEY FOR SOME REASON JUMP ON ONE FOOT!" Matt yelled.

"OKAY FINE! CONSIDER THE JOB DONE LADS!" Lucifer yelled after showing Adam's head into a wall, mumbling to it (as it was stuck in a wall) before going to the zombies:

"Stay here. Mommy has some important things to do."

"So you're Mommy now. Congrats! Guy Pearce must be a proud daddy!" Constantine exclaimed.

"Fucking kill yourself", Lucifer snapped. Even Winkie stopped shitting and he let out an excited gasp:

"I stopped shitting now! Something important must be happening!"

"Eh Dean?" Kat asked.

"What?"

"What if we mix Chester Bennington and Kurt Cobain to get a bigger fire?" Winkie asks curiously, still on his pile of shit while looking at Dean with his expressive human-like eyes. "Please shut the fuck up" Dean says, squeezing his temples. Just then, Dean notices that Castiel is walking around Adam's headless body and murmuring something.

I should really get a leash for him, Dean thought. As Dean finishes his thought, sparkles and rainbow unicorn shit starts falling out of the sky right on Dean's head.

"I thought December just ended recently" Kat commented in it's deep voice. Dean starts running around and the cloud thunders in its voice, while following Dean:

"I CAME FOR REVENGE FOR THAT ONE EPISODE!"

Then an earthquake starts and Castiel comes up to Dean, scratching the back of his head while Dean was covered with more and more of the unicorn shit, despite the fact that he was running. Just as Dean was about to snap at Castiel, the ground opens up and Adam's head shoots out like a volcanic eruption with a lot of steam and an evil laugh, like cries from the sinners coming from the ground. "MUHAHHAHAHA!" The head laughed. "

SHIT! SHIT INCOMING!" Winkie screams and starts shitting faster. Then Matt shoots up from the hole, but lands on a top of a tree. He was still wearing the orange 'Arkham Asylum' jumpsuit, which obviously made him look even more ridiculous while he was on top of a fucking tree. "Look, a human! I haven't seen that in ages!" Kat said while side-eyeing the piles of Kurt and Chester next to it. Matt was just blankly staring at everything.

"What, I'm not human?!" Dean screams angrily. "No, you're a dancer", Kat says.

Then suddenly Brandon Flowers's musical voice starts saying something from the Heavens:

"You are indeed a dancer lad!"

Dean opens his mouth to say something but a piece of unicorn shit falls into it and Dean starts vomiting and crying in agony.

"FUCKING PIECE OF UNICORN SHIT!" Dean was saying as Castiel was patting Dean's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"That's not helping", Dean snaps. Then Castiel starts to pat his head. Then piles of shit started falling from Dean's mouth faster because of Castiel's pats.

"You know what, keep doing that" Dean says. But then the evil cackle is heard again as Adam's head spots Matt up on the tree.

"Uh guys, a bit of help?" Matt says in an urgent voice. Then Adam's head starts attacking Matt, while steaming and blood dripping from the neck wound. Matt starts to scream and panic and start hitting the head with a branch he took from the tree. Then there's another earthquake and a portal opens and Constantine and Eddie come in, both wearing the 'I 🩷 BRITAIN' shirts. Eddie looked especially agonized, but everyone ignored that.

"You know these people?" Eddie asks Constantine as he takes in the sight of a tiny chicken sitting on a pile of shit bigger then a regular Mini Cooper, a dude in a leather jacket puking rainbow and another dude in a beige trenchcoat like Constantine's patting the puking guy's head. Constantine side-eyes that guy harshly, probably because he stole his trenchcoat. Just like Guy Pearce. Then Eddie notices a smaller blond guy screaming and hitting a flying head with a stick while on top of a pine tree. Just then he noticed that they were in a middle of a rain forest (there are no pine trees in a rain forest, that much of geography Eddie knew). Then he hears a deep voice he remembers from his younger days.

"Welcome to hell sweetheart. I mean, to purguratory, but right now it's the same unicorn shit!" Kat said, smiling (yes cats can smile).

"CAN SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING ALREADY?!" Matt yelled as Adam's head got Matt's hair in its mouth and started pulling it. "We're waiting for Lucifer", Constantine announces. At that very second Dean stops vomiting and both he and Castiel start staring at Constantine with pure hatred.

"Excuse me?!" Dean and Castiel screamed at the same time.

Eddie Vedder was holding his cellphone while trying to get a signal (because he's in a no-name hotel somewhere in Europe and he still doesn't know geography, but hey he tries). After agonizing 13 minutes his phone finally started to pick up a signal and he decides to google: John Constantine First thing he gets is a website called AO3. Eddie decides to click on it, because what could happen (computer viruses cough cough), it's just a site and any information would be useful. But then he hears rustling and a raspy low male voice starts talking over his shoulder. "Beware of what you click lad." Eddie jolts in surprise and his blue eyes start to wide as he takes in the sight of a tall blond man in a beige trenchcoat. By the look of his teeth he seem British to Eddie.

"Uh... Hi", says Eddie.

"Why are you googling me?" Constantine asks. "Because I got a weird call from a chicken, my dead cat, a dude in a trench coat identical to yours (Constantine raises his eyebrow) and a dude called Dean about someone's head breaking the Matrix and a zombie apocalypse in purguratory", Eddie said. Constantine rubs his chin while he gives Eddie a thoughtful hum and Eddie's eyebrows frown as he asks Constantine : "You don't seem surprised, do you?"

"Amused, yes. Surprised, not really. It's Thursday after all and I had worse shite on Thursdays." Constantine replied. After a while of awkward silence (it was 4 AM in the morning), Eddie asks: "So what now?" Constantine takes another thoughtful hum and takes an annoyed look at the ceiling and then takes a long sigh.

"We call my ex", he finally says.

"And we call them why... I mean, you call them why..." Eddie started.

"Because he's the ruler of the fucking hell. It was a situationship really." Eddie stares blankly at Constantine for a few seconds and blinks rapidly and violently. What did they put in his beer last night? Or soup, for that matter?

"Yes my ex is Lucifer Morningstar. Get over it lad, we have work to do", Constantine snaps.

''Wait, we? Why do you need me for anything?! I'm just a singer!" Eddie cries. Constantine rolls his eyes and Eddie continues blinking as Constantine hands him a bag of salt (from somewhere, surely not from Britain).

"C'mon lad let's move it", Constantine said. Eddie decided that he's never going to drink alcohol again. Or eat soup, for that matter.

So, it happened like this. Winkie attacked that old man that tried to kill him first and threw him into the sparkling tornado. Then Winkie said some words on Ancient Sumerian (according to Castiel) and the tornado spat out two 2-litres Fanta bottles full of the old man's blood (we did not see the rest of the old man). Then Kat used that blood to draw a gigantic pentacle in the middle of the road, ignoring the sparkling tornado that was still running around. At the same time, Winkie went to shit and was having quite a pile by the time Kat finished the pentacle. (During all that time Dean really did not want to ask what were they doing.) Then Kat pulled out a picture of Jared Leto and put it in the middle of the pentacle (because Jared Leto is a reincarnation of Jesus). Then it beckoned with its paw to Winkie, who then picked up the pile of shit and put it in the middle of the pentacle, on Jared Leto's photo.

"Dean, come here and pass me Chris", Kat then said to Dean. Dean wordlessly picked up the urn and walked up to Kat, careful not to step in blood or shit.

"So...", Kat said while spraying Chris Cornell's ashes on the chicken shit.

"The conversation with Eddie Vedder lasts until we run out of Chris."

"Can we please say ashes?" Dean asked.

Kat looked at him calmly and replied: "No." "Okay", Dean said, rolling his eyes.

"By the way I need you to put all of this on fire now", Kat said.

"...What?" Dean asked helplessly.

"Just give me the goddamn Zippo", Kat snapped. ...

Eddie Vedder was having a nice sleep in a some no-name hotel somewhere in Europe (he didn't know geography well because he was an American). Then he heard an explosion and suddenly there was a portal in front of him, showing a weird ruined city, a cat that looked like Kat whom he used to have with Chris in the 90's (RIP Chris), a chicken shitting, a man in a trench coat and another one in a leather jacket (that one looked really done with life) and a headless body in the background (wearing a Three Days Grace band t-shirt, Eddie had no idea what even was Three Days Grace).

"Alright mate don't freak out", Kat said. Eddie rubbed his eyes. Did he take some drugs tonight? "Yes I am the same cat Kat that died in 1999. This is a call from purguratory." Kat said. Eddie was still blankly staring at them.

"These are Dean Winchester, Castiel and Winkie. And the headless corpse is Adam Gontier. But courtesy aside, we need your help", Kat continued.

"...What help?" Eddie finally found his voice.

"We need you to catch Adam Gontier's head in your real world and stop the zombie apocalypse in purguratory", Kat said. Eddie was staring at them blankly again. Maybe he did have one too many beers.

"I mean, we need you to find John Constantine and tell him to break into Arkham Asylum and find a guy named Matt Walst and then get Adam's head back. And by catching Adam's head Constantine is going to stop the zombie apocalypse in purguratory" Kat explained. Eddie was still staring at them like a retarded child.

"Oh c'mon you son of a bitch, we're running out of Chris!" Dean yelled.

"How is getting someone's head going to stop the apocalypse?" Eddie asked. He didn't know why he asked that.

"BECAUSE ADAM'S HEAD BROKE THE FUCKING MATRIX!!!" Winkie screamed angrily from his pile of shit.

"And where do I find John Constantine?" Eddie continued.

"Use fucking Google!" Winkie answered. But then the last remains of Chris Cornell burned out and the line ended up abruptly.

"Do you think he's gonna do it?" Dean asked Kay warily.

"Don't worry bro. We can call him again. I have Chester Bennington's urn somewhere over here too." Kat said.

Dean sighed and turned around, when he noticed Castiel weirdly staring at Kat. Weirder than usual anyway.

"I know what you can do", Kat suddenly said. "What?" Dean asked. He really didn't want to know the answer.

"You can come back and hunt Eddie Vedder", Kat answered.

"The tiny grunge singer?" Dean checked.

"Do you know any other Eddie Vedder?" Kat snapped, hugging Chris Cornell's urn more tightly.

"And we tell him what?" Dean asked.

"To get Adam's head back", Kat simply said. Dean started blankly at Kat for at least 5 minutes. Even Castiel looked up and the old man stopped trying to murder Winkie (who was still alive, yes).

"How is that going to help?!" Dean said, doing his best not to start maniacally screaming.

"That is the only way TO STOP THE APOCALYPSE!!!!" Winkie screamed, kicking the old man in the face. The old man yelped and ran away, screaming something about faggot horses and demon sandwiches. Then Winkie landed in front of Dean in a very mission-impossible-tom-cruise fashion.

"Let's do this!" Castiel said happily, staring at Dean with childish excitement. "

Sorry bros, I still gotta bury my buddy Chris", Kat said, walking away.

"We'll wait for you!" Winkie yelled back. Dean very much wanted to die again.

...

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Matt screamed as he threw the chair at Adam's flying head. The chair went through Adam's head and crashed into a gray wall, leaving black marks. The head kept on laughing. Then the guards came and Adam's head disappeared, leaving pissed Matt in a corner of a destroyed cell.

"Dude you need to stop doing this", one of the guards say.

"Then tell Adam to leave me the fuck alone", Matt snapped.

"Adam is still dead, you know", the guard said. "AND THAT'S STILL THE PROBLEM!" Matt said and sneezed fiercely. Then his eyes widened. "SEE?! I SNEEZED! IT'S THE TRUTH! YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT NOW..." Matt started screaming crazily and started jumping around the room, trying to explain himself. The guards quickly muttered something about not being paid enough for this job and left Matt's cell, leaving Matt alone screaming and running in circles. Then Adam's head came back and Matt threw himself at it, but he didn't hit it (cause it's a ghost) and instead, Matt his the wall and knocked himself unconscious.

"Where is his fucking head?! I didn't actually mean..." Dean started. They were staring at Adam's headless body lying on the edge of the pavement. They were somehow in a city now, but the city was very postapocalyptic and ruined. Castiel was standing next to Dean and was staring at the gray sky, absolutely ignoring the fact that they had a headless human (?) corpse next to them.

"Cas!" Dean called him.

"He has the voice of an angel but the scream of the devil", Castiel said.

"So you're fangirling over a headless corpse", Dean concluded.

"I bet I'm not the only one", Castiel said back, still staring at the sky.

"Do we leave him or..?"

"No, let's wait", Castiel said. Dean didn't know why he was listening to that idiot half the time, but okay. Then suddenly there was a sparkly blue tornado in the distance. Dean got up and even Castiel removed his gaze from the sky. Then, as suddenly as it appeared, it disappeared, leaving a chicken and an old man in the middle of the road. Dean blinked in confusion as he saw the chicken stare at him with its strangely human and expressive eyes from across the road, yeah totally a sight you see everyday, and from the corners of his eyes he saw Castiel walk towards the chicken. Dean let out a frustrated groan and reached out to grab Castiel's hand to pull him back but gave up and put his hands back in his pockets instead, letting Castiel wander up the gravel road towards the chicken.

''Oh for Christ's sake can I take my eyes off of you without you already being off somewhere, yeah off you go to the chicken…oh fuck'' The chicken's tilted head then jolted in Castiel's direction as it saw him approach and heard a sound of a stick breaking under Castiel's shoe and it started screaming like a madman, running in circles with its head thrown back, jumping on one leg. If that wasn't enough already the old man that was standing behind the chicken grabbed it by it's leg and started smashing it against the gravel road like a child getting baptised.

''I don't think that was….necessary'' Dean said, clearing his throat.

''WINKIE IS INFECTED, IT MUST DIE'' Screamed the old man while the chicken, Winkie, looked up at the old man and whimpered out. ''LET ME GO MAN, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU, OH

PLEASE HELP ME YOU TRENCH COAT MAN'' Winkie whimpered, looking at Castiel with it's begging eyes glistering with tears.

''Poor Winkie'' Castiel said as he closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder and whispered in a shaky tone to him.

''Don't make me watch this''

''Yeah I don't want to watch this either, feels like I am loosing braincells per second'' As Dean held shaking Castiel in his arms, he felt a furry head rub against his shin and heard a deep man like voice come from the small creature that nuzzled against his leg...a cat?

''Damn, must be rough buddy'' said Kat, shaking his head back and forth.

''Now what the heck are you'' at this point, Dean didn't sound suprised at all Kat looked up at him with his big eyes and said, his voice so deep that not even Darth Vader could rival it.

''I am a cat named Kat, how did you not notice that bro''

''COME HELP ME MAN, PLEASE'' screamed Winkie as it's head was repeatedly hit against the gravel road. Kat shook his head and said, standing up on it's two front legs, dragging a shovel as he started to walk towards the forest, holding an urn in his other hand that had a stickie note on it that said ''Chris Cornell''. '

'No can do man, gotta bury my bro Chris now, unfinished business'' Kat said. Its voice said that there was no room for arguments now.

Adam never really thought about what happens after death. He assumed that he's either going to end up in hell or just like get recycled in a new body, circle of life shit. And was definitely caught off guard when Matt cut his head off with a katana. He sure as hell didn't expect to end up in purgatory which is by the way being shaken by a zombie apocalypse. And he sure as hell didn't expect to be stuck there with a guy called Dean Winchester and Dean's absolutely-not-a-boyfriend Castiel, who claims that he's an angel. To Adam, he's just an autistic dude in a trench coat, but he'd never say that out loud. It was fine while they were in a forest, believe it or not. It was just the three of them VS zombies. But then places started changing. And suddenly they were in a city, on a beach, everywhere really. But let's go from the start, shall we?

...

"So what do you know about these zombies?" Adam asked when they were walking through the forest.

"They stand one one foot", Dean answered, sharpening his knife.

"What else?" Adam pressed.

"They stand on one foot", now Castiel answered. "Okay BUT WHAT ELSE?!" Adam was still pressing.

"THEY. STAND. ON. ONE. FOOT!" Dean said again.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH, I GET THAT, BUT WHAT ELSE DO ZOMBIES DO?!" Adam yelled.

"They bite things", Castiel said smartly.

"WHAT ELSE?!" Adam yelled again.

"ASK THAT AGAIN AND I'M GONNA CUT YOUT DAMN HEAD OFF!" Dean yelled, turning to Adam and pointing with his knife.

"TOO LATE MATE, THAT ALREADY HAPPENED!" Adam yelled crazily. Then everything went black.

...

Adam was awake and he realised that he was levitating in a space that looked like a prison cell. And his whole being (head) was full of hate towards Matt. He killed Adam. He deserved allergies.

IF YOU'RE CALLED EDDIE VEDDER PLEASE KEEP ON SCROLLING :)

Later, as they were driving home, Chris found courage to talk to Kat.

"Burning down houses isn't nice." Chris pointed out.

Kat answered with a meow, licking it's paw and cleaning itself.

"No really man, I mean cat, we should've called the police or something..."

Kat answered with another meow.

"I know that the asshole deserved it, but..."

Kat placed it's paws on Chris' shoulder and said, looking at him deep in his eyes, locking their eyes together. ''Death is mercy Paul''

Chris blinked a few times and said, completely dumfounded and whispered to himself. ''But I am Chris''

In the end, they came home and Chris gave up on having a conversation with Kat. Eddie was waiting for them at the same place at the kitchen table, absolutely bewildered.

"What just happened?" Eddie asked.

"Kat burned his house down with a Molotov", Chris explained.

"...What?"

"Moo", Kat said.

IF YOU'RE CALLED EDDIE VEDDER PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING :)

Chris Cornell noticed that something was wrong the second Eddie Vedder walked into the house. Firstly, he seemed to be limping, and his long hair was covering half of his face. He greeted Chris with a quiet 'hey' and a hug, but when Chris leaned down to kiss him he turned away and headed for the bathroom. "What's wrong?" Chris finally asked him. "Nothing, I'm just tired from the show. And I smell like shit." Chris let him go this time. They've been together for a long while, so Chris knew Eddie was going to tell him when he was ready. The night came and Chris and Eddie were asleep on their bed. Eddie turned his back towards Chris, but Chris didn't mind it. He knew that Eddie was upset so he didn't want to bother him even more. Then, in the middle of the night, Chris was awakened by quiet sobs coming from Eddie. He propped himself on his elbow to get a good look at Eddie. He saw that Eddie was quietly sobbing, ignoring Chris's shadow that loomed over him in the moonlight. Chris laid back down and threw his arm around Eddie and both of them fell asleep again. In the morning, Chris woke up to an empty bed. Eddie woke up earlier and was staring into emptiness at the kitchen table. He tied up his hair in a long ponytail and just then, bathed in the morning sunlight, Chris saw the huge bruise on Eddie's cheekbone. "Good morning", Chris quietly said. "Morning'", Eddie mumbled. Chris sat at the table opposite Eddie. "What happened?" he asked quietly. Eddie didn't look him in the eyes when he spoke. "I had a fight with stone last night and it went too far." Eddie's voice cracked at the end. "What do you mean too far?" Chris asked cautiously. "He suddenly got jealous of you and we started fighting." "Wait why?" " I don't know why man! I only know that he was drunk as fuck and that he beat the shit out of me" Which isn't so hard because you're like really short, thought Chris, but he didn't dare say it out loud. "What now?" he asked instead. "I don't know. I don't know what the band is gonna even say..." Eddie didn't have time to finish his sentence before Chris got up and went to their room, pulling on a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt. "Let's go Kat", Chris said to the big gray Maine Coon cat who came out of nowhere. "Chris, where are you even going?" Eddie asked, confused. He didn't even remember that they had a cat. But in a matter of seconds Chris tied up his Doc Martens and he and Kat walked through the front door, leaving confused Eddie behind, Kat standing on the doorway on it's two feet and gave Eddie a nod before closing the wooden door behind them. Once at Stone's house, Chris stopped the car and he and Kat got out. "What do we do now?" Chris asked Kat. Kat snorted and pulled a Molotov cocktail from nowhere and a Zippo. "I don't think that's a good idea", Chris said, cautiously eyeing the Molotov in Kat's paw. Kat looked at Chris with fire in their eyes and placed its paw on Chris' shoulder and growled, voice low and determined. ''Nobody touches our Eddie'' Kat got into a position and swinged it's paw with force, throwing the Molotov cocktail at Stone's house and the house erupted in flames. Chris was staring at Kat, mouth wide-opened. Kat just shook off its fur and walked back to the car, opening the door for him.

In this world only a sneeze can defy what's true or not. This world crippled to the point where there's no border between right or wrong, only a gray matter. What we know as the gray matter today is only the chaos, lies and war men brought on the world themselves, having no predators so they turned themselves into one's for their own kind. Only hope to the world what the higher beings have brought is a sneeze, declarer of truth, given as a blessing to truth listeners to guide the humanity to its light. As we now speak, our fellow friend, Matt Walst, is getting questioned in the courtroom for his acts of wrong doing and in his case, a sneeze is a double edged sword, for it will speak the truth yet in his harm.

5 months earlier The band was in their dressing room, just before the big Vancouver concert. Matt was swinging around a stupid katana some fan gave him while Brad was complaining that he's going to kill someone with that sword. Matt snorted and continued to swing it around. It was a fake sword anyways. Then Adam appeared out of nowhere and Matt turned the sword towards him, right above Adam's neck, like he was going to cut his head off. Adam was about to say something sarcastic when Matt felt a sudden shudder through his body. He sneezed, and the force of the sneeze was so big that Matt forgot that he had a sword and his hand became limp. And the sword cut Adam's head off.

"WHAT THE FUCK BRO?!" – Brad screamed.

"It…it was the allergies" – Matt said as Brad stared blankly at Matt with a bloody sword and Adam's headless body in a puddle of blood on the floor.

A year later

The courtroom was apprehensively quiet. And empty. There were just the accused, Matt Walst with his lawyer, the judge, the D.A. and the jury. Matt had no idea where are all the people and the journalists, but guess Three Days Grace isn’t that popular anymore. Or it’s a completely closed hearing. He didn’t really listen to what was his lawyer saying, because he knew that he was going to either end in jail or in a rehab. And he tried to explain many many times that it was allergies and not drugs, but people didn’t believe him. Plus he never found that fan who gave him the sword, so Matt guessed that it was a ghost. Now was the final day of the hearing and Matt was about to hear his sentence.

"MR WALST, YOU HAVE KILLED ADAM GONTIER AND YOU APPROVE OF BEING SENTENCED GUILTY, IS THAT CORRECT?" – the judge said, unnecessarily loud. Matt was staring at the judge with tears in his eyes, hands clutching the chair under him, knuckles turning white, holding back a sneeze from allergies for his dear life.

"NO, PLEASE, I CAN EXPLAIN, ITS NOT HOW IT LOOKS" – Matt cried out through his gritted teeth. Please no, not now, please please please… - Matt’s thoughts were racing. But at that very moment, it was too late, and as soon as Matt's mouth opened again, to plead innocence, a sneeze came out, its force making the whole room freeze. Matt's eyes widened, the only sound echoing through the room the sound of his own heart beat, the heart beats being jumpy and weak. Then his whole core started shaking, and his shock stopped (not really) by the sound of the judge using that hammer to quiet down an already quiet courtroom. After that, the judge was standing up and as Matt looked up at the old white haired man, it was too late. The judge looked at Matt with such hatred that Matt already knew that he was going to rot in jail.

"Gentlemen, do your job" – said the judge, cleaning his throat and gesturing with his head to the guards at Matt.

"NO NO NO WAIT" – Matt screamed, but it was useless. He glanced at his lawyer, hoping that the motherfucker is going to do something. But she was fast asleep next to him. The guards nodded and proceeded to take Matt under his armpits and drag his body down the halls, his body now limp as his eyes darted around the court room, which was still empty, except for a few ghosts who were staring at him from the corner, but they were hiding their gazes from Matt as he passed them. He could not even form a word of protest, his once voice that used to sing and laugh now only the memory of what it become, barely a silent helpless whisper.

"It…it was the allergies", Matt whispered. The ghosts started laughing at him.

28 weeks later Brad was going through the halls of the notorious Arkham Asylum, flinching at every sound he heard. The Joker, Riddler, fucking Flamingo… And his younger brother. The guard led him through a series of barely standing gray concrete walls. Then they came to a part with two doors and the guard led Brad through the smaller one of the two and they entered a room in which you could communicate with the people in the asylum over that telephone thingy. Brad sat himself at the chair and picked up one of those bright orange phones, staring through the glass intensely and waiting for his brother to show up. …

The stocky guards dragged Matt, yet again, to the visiting room, grunting as they did so. Matt threw his head back, groaning as he felt like his head was a sprinkle away to blowing up from the meds they gave him, his eyes darting back and forth between the two guards that carried him, his Converse shoes whining against the cold floor as the guards continued mercilessly dragging him. He raised himself in their hold to be on ear level with them and whispered.

"I am not crazy, you think I am crazy? Is the sun screaming at me or is it just in my head? BLACK HOLE SUN! Y-" One of the guards rolled their eyes at his antics looked at him and said in a low indifferent voice, taking him by his shoulders and sitting him down in front of a Plexiglas border, patting his shoulder and started walking towards the metal door, his keys jangling between his fingers.

"We are underground kid, now have a talk with your friend, he must've missed you a whole bunch." The other guard added, walking away with the other one and closing the door behind them with a loud bang, his voice distorted through them.

"You have two minutes, no more no less!"

Matt let out a disappointed sigh as he was left alone and winced when he looked around the visiting room and saw dust and webs everywhere, the last person that cleaned the room was probably not even a homo sapiens. Then his body jolted when he heard a familiar voice, his whole being singing in happiness when he finally heard a voice that was in fact, not his. For all he knew the voices of the guards were also made up in his head. Matt threw himself onto the small telephone that probably never saw a cleaning wipe in its whole life and he screamed at the top of his lungs at him, tracing with his finger a distorted reflection of Brad against the Plexiglas border.

"BRAD, BRAD—oh my GOD it's you like — actually you, dear gods you don't know how much I missed having an actual person here and now- and now you—" Brad was staring at him, absolutely bewildered. Matt cut himself off and pressed his forehead against the Plexiglas and said, his eyes darting around rapidly like a wild animal and whispered harshly at Brad and Brad could feel sweat forming on his forehead as he smiled at him and started to move his screeching chair back, turning his head and looking at the exit door like salvation.

"Shhhhhh listen to me, we don't have a lot of time so I am just gonna tell you this quick" – Matt said crazily.

"I am being chased by Adam!" He pressed his lips against the telephone as if he is going to eat the damn thing and whispered something unintelligible, cupping the microphone with his hands as if hiding it like something precious.

"But Adam is dead" - said Brad, matter-of-factly.

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!! Adam set me up, he was there the whole time – can you imagine it Brad?? The fucker wanted revenge so he made me sneeze I am SURE OF IT, SO FUCKING SURE THERE WERE NO FUCKING ALLERGIES IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Brad stood up from his chair, raising his hands and backed off for a few steps

"Man I swear to god these meds that they gave you—" Matt’s eyes widened and he went absolutely feral at the microphone, screaming at the top of his lungs, placing his palm on the glass

"I SAW HIM WITH MY OWN EYES BRAD, HE WAS THERE AND THE GHOSTS Y-YOU GOT TO HEAR ME OUT—you just go to that nice little lady over there and ask her if I can get an allergy test because of the food and cat fur and dust and when they see it's NEGATIVE, and it’s most definitely going to be NEGATIVE, we can prove that—" Brad started putting his jacket on and said, pointing at him with his finger and said.

"Well maybe he would've been there if you didn't kill him, sorry not sorry, so I don't think it was his fault I swear to god where is your sense of empathy, you killed the guy and now you are muttering some nonsense that he set you up, yea sure, plus if they saw that the allergy test was negative they would know it was a true sneeze." Brad glanced at his phone, pretending he got a notification and said, placing his phone on his ear and started walking backwards towards the exit.

"Yea umm…I got this thing where I have to be like, you know, with actual people that are not in a mad house soo yea umm see you later when you work this thing with Adam." Matt let out a defeated noise when he heard Brad leave and the doors closing behind him, trying to reach him through the glass and begged desperately.

"Brad, please—" Matt hit his forehead against the barrier and muttered when he heard the doors close, now again in the dark, all alone.

"Fuck." Then he saw something with a corner of his eyes. He turned around slowly and saw Adam’s cut off head storming towards him, shaking left and right with blood dripping down it's wound. Matt yelped and ducked, turning the chair over with a bang.

"You can’t escape me! MUAHAHHAHAH!" – Adam’s head said. It started chasing Matt over the small room. Matt was screaming, trying to push it away, but he couldn’t get a hold over it because, um, it’s a ghost. The crazy chase continued until the guards came and grabbed Matt. Then Matt let out a huge sneeze.