oh shit. i'm fucking screwed

Ok, so I was watching Peppa Pig and well……this is one of tHE BEST MOMENTS EVER. I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING 

this is gospel (piano version) layered 3 times: left ear, right ear, and middle

i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc

[text] Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late

[text] I miss you more than I should.

[text] She’s/you’re the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity. 

[text] I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don’t regret it.

[text] you hella high and freaked out about life and interest rates

[text] I love it when you moan my name.

[text] I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.

[text] JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK

[text] Let’s go get coffee and handcuffs.

[text] I thought you were better than this. 

[text] Please stop calling.

[text] Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I’d say the sex was good

[text] I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy

[text] I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.

[text] 75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.

[text] You think you’re funny, but you’re just an asshole.

[text] I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels

[text] I wish things were different.

[text] We should probably end this.

[text] I don’t say it often enough, but I want you to know that I love you.

[text] Please let me know what I did to deserve you…I want to make sure I keep on doing it. 

[text] I told you I’d ride your broomstick if you let me call you Harry Potter and you drew a lightning bolt on your forehead.

[text] I’m still laying in bed cuz I don’t feel like adulting yet

[text] I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.

[text] What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I’d be a trophy wife! Get it?

[text] I’m sorry for everything.

[text] I just want to have sex that doesn’t end like a B-rated horror movie.

[text] Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I’m not sure she gets me anymore. 

[text] I never should have left you there.

[text] I don’t have patience for riddles.

[text] You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.

[text] Dunno. My heart says “no”, my brain says “maybe” and my dick says “YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!”

[text] We had sex and he ended up in the hospital… don’t know if I should be worried or proud.

[text] Just tell me what’s wrong !

[text] let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole

[text] I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.

[text] … so it’s a date ?

[text] Can I come by?

[text] I thought we were ok ?

[text] I want you to meet my squirrel

[text] If blow jobs were a super power she’d be in the Justice League.

[text] Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can’t decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking 

[text]  I can’t imagine life without you.

[text]  Can’t wait to see you again.

[text]  just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life

[text] I should have told you first, I’m sorry.

[text] I’m sorry ! I don’t know what else to tell you !

[text] You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you  

[text] We are not together any more, remember ?

[text] why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room?? 

[text]  did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen? 

[text] Maybe we’ll see each other again.

[text] if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he’d think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

[text] I never thought we’d end up like this.

[text] Why do you keep doing this to me ?

[text] I’m so tired of your lies.

[tex] Why are you so angry ?

[text] I thought you were coming alone…. ?

[text] I should get him/you a card “thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication”

[text] I don’t understand…

[text] If I had a penis, I’d want to put it in you. And I’d treat you with respect and pay for your drinks. 

[text] You had to apologize for “being too aggressive about harry potter”

[text] We can work this out.

[text]  We have a system, okay?

[text] I don’t have time to shower before my passport photos…your cum is all over my hair…that’s with me for 10 years now 

[text] I know you’re on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven’t been spanked in years so if you’re still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it. 

[text] I know you’ve been lying to me.

[text] You need to leave. Now !

[text] i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning 

[text] You’re so easy to be with and so hard to be without.

[text] Every morning I wake up with a sad face because I know it is the start of one more day without you.

[text] Everyone leaves.

[text] I don’t know how you put up with me. 

[text] I just fell off a roof. So I’m kinda chillin for a minute. 

[text] Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour

[text] I’m 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas

[text] please don’t leave me alone

[text] You cried at the bar for 30 minutes because you got your arm stuck in your sweater. You got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped you.  

[text] I wish we had more time.

[text] shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

[text] I miss you every day.

[text] Please please pick up

[text] Why are my keys in the refrigerator?  

[text] I’m out of practice. be my yoda  

[text] Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn’t know where he is.

[text] Do you think it’ll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I’ve slept with both the bride and the groom?

[text] Someone said we’re out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying ‘but where will all the polar bears live”. That drunk.

[text] I’d just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.

[text] You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. “Look I’m Harry Potter.”

[text] This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.

[text] If u ever apologize to me for “too-rough” sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely

[text] Mom just told me I need to start having sex.

[text] I’d help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I’m still drunk

[text] YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don’t think she’s going to call you.

[text] And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever… And I’ve seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo’s David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.

[text] She’s/you are the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.

[text] It’s not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm. 

[text] I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

[text] We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

[text] She said she couldn’t find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis 

[text] Stop making me think about you. I’m busy. 

[text] I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You’re welcome.

[text] You make me want to be better.

MEMENTO

→ the fonts used are 'Notera'. and 'Delicious Smallcaps'. → comes with colouring for every house. → one 250 x 230 faceclaim graphic required. → works best with graphics with darker backgrounds. → graphics, textures, etcetera, used in this psd are not mine and credit goes to the owners. → please do not redistribute as your own. → liking and/or reblogging would be very appreciated.

All there is to it is changing the text layers to suit your own preferences, adding your own faceclaim graphic and making the layer of your character’s house visible.