rêvesperminute

I think the setting of this dream is Paris. Post La Course. But the Champs Élysées is freshly tarmacked and super smooth. Not even white lines on it yet. A bunch of stuff happened in the dream that i don't remember like bike games in the street in which all of a sudden nobody was interested anymore due to a bunch of cycling greats arriving and joining the crowd and everyone focusing on them instead. An Australian woman not that familiar with the women's peloton asks me who she might know and like. I say lemme see, and Loren Rowney is the first Aussie rider i see in the crowd. I point her out and start like Loren! Loooorreeeen! In the worst, most annoying faux Aussie accent ever. She was much smaller in my dream because i had to point her out like with my arm over people's heads and my finger pointing downwards. She had a ponytail and pink streaks in her hair at the sides and weirdly what looked like pink chord x'es stitched in her hair too on (in!?) the sides of her head. Looked great though. Mirrored piloty sunglasses. Anyway. She ignored me and the women never recognised or even saw her. Some time later me and the woman are sitting on a thing (i remember swinging my feet like a kid) and so is Loren Rowney and the rest of the crowd from earlier. This time i am (cringe) attempting to be funny about the protocol for getting Loren's attention. Like i would try different methods, all in that terrible faux Aussie accent. I said loudly "My name is wuwuwu. I work as a wuwuwu and i live in wuwuwu." A bit like people present themselves in TV quiz shows. "And i would like to talk to Loren Rowney". Never happened!

Weirdness.

I just woke up from a dream where Sagan was driving a Series 2 Land Rover with me as passenger. He ran a red light. We got pulled over. I freak out. He says "don't worry, I'll show him my yellow belt I got in karate class." I yell at the cop, "he's Slovakian! Let us go!" He let us go because Sagan was wearing his karate gi. The end. (Question from a twitter follower: More importantly, was it an 88 or a 109?) 109 Series 2A. Hunter green. He was having trouble with the clutch :)

I dreamt that I had sex with Matt Stephens. That is all I am going to say about it

Dreamt I was in a hotel room and there was a big rat running about. I was trying to persuade it to run out of the room by holding the door open and calling it. ‘Millar! Millar! Come on, Millar!’

I was watching The Hour. Big build up and after 30 mins he was on track for a great ride. Then they brought a marching band onto the track and Brad rode up onto the top of the track, pulled off and took off his helmet to reveal it was actually his wife riding and they’d played a joke on everyone.Then Brad was going to ride just after. But the UCI got pissed off and said they weren’t going to let him. Then the TV cut to Emmerdale repeats and I don’t know if he was allowed to ride.

(* Bradley was renamed Balrafley by a phone with a mind of its own. We liked it, so it stayed.)

Dreamt I was riding Paris-Brest-Paris. Passed by a tandem ridden by Jim Ochowicz and Johan Bruyneel.

Dreamt I was talking to Bradley Wiggins after a stage and realised he'd shaved half his beard off. He’d shaved the right side of his face, but not the left. He didn’t think it was weird.

I dreamt that Alex Rasmussen was giving me tips about painting furniture. Unfortunately I don’t remember what he said

I dreamt I was at a party, talking to some guy, and drinking the largest bottle of beer I’ve ever seen. Then we all decided to go out. We were out walking, when everyone stopped. Mark Cavendish was standing right there in front of us. He was wearing jeans and a hoodie, and had a big smile on his face. But when I walked over to him, he disappeared…

I dreamt I had sex with Oleg Tinkov. Don’t remember much about the dream, but I know that happened. There was a feeling of power & submission about the dream. Now I’m going to try & forget the whole thing 

In a pleasing mash-up of my interests, last night I dreamed my wordsearch book contained a homoerotic story puzzle about Mark Cavendish.

I dreamt I was walking down Rue Antoine Breart with THOR Hushovd. He were talking about barbecues and then I got to my road so had to turn off (I live nowhere near there) & said goodbye. He was very tall with a very warm laugh.

Last night I dreamt that Bradley Wiggins was part of an interactive installation at Tate Britain. He basically rode around in a circle with everyone watching him (not unlike track but without a velodrome). The bike was attached to a central post and there was another on the other side so you could ride with him. Then I was supposed to feed him with an eyedropper - like you would a tiny animal or bird. I was so disgusted, however, I broke the eyedropper. The fact that, in real life, I can’t stand the man made my dream more of a nightmare.

I was in a guest house with Victoria Pendleton. She was laughing so much that she fell into the bath and turned into a baby. I lifted her out and when she calmed down she was normal again. Then we watched TV and a huge volcano in Japan was going to destroy the earth. We looked out the window at approaching clouds of ash, and had a little cry.

I was sitting in a big circle of people, next to my friend D, when we were going to sing birthday song (apparently it was a birthday party). I walked over to sit on the other side of the circle, opposite Jens Voigt. Then we all sang to Jens Voigt as apparently, it was his birthday. I turned around, trying to signal to D to come over. But she didn’t understand my wave, because she was joking with another guest. That really annoyed me. Later, D and I walked away from the party, and I asked her, why she didn’t come over. Then we talked about how many great riders have resigned this year; Jens, Andy, David Millar, and Thor with *that* book. We also talked about our worries about the whole Astana thing. And then I woke up.