A couple days ago I decided not to drink. Not to feel like shit the next morning, and not to let my anxiety and depression keep me from sleeping. I dedicated myself to winning that night. But life isnât fond of making things easy. I wish I just had really bad insomnia that night. I wish I had stayed up thinking myself into oblivion, hating myself, worrying about work. But instead I got to watch someone try to kill themselves. Instead I got play by play videos of someone leaking and then squirting blood from their arms. And he just kept saying sorry, and wondering why anyone truly cared to start. People pled with him to get help, to believe that life was worth living, and that we, stargers, genuinely and truly cared if he lived or died. And the thing is, no one was lying. Not one of us was wrong, him included. Depression is so run of the mill these days that I donât doubt that at least a third of the people talking to this guy had been there or close to it themselves. But as people that have been there, they must know what they want to hear when youâre there in that dark, lonely place. They must know that what you need to hear isnât to call 911, or that you are loved because ultimately he knows that. If you see someone teetering on the edge, let me tell you, because Iâve been there, that what they wantâ what they NEED is a , âbuddy tell me what happened to get you hereâ. What theyâre begging for is a, âFuck, well let me sit with you, everyone needs a friend on their way outâ. And saying that may not save them, because not everyone can be saved, but it will sure as shit tell them that your not there out of pity or to fulfill your own guilt, because when youâre sitting there like that, you KNOW youâre going to be a martyr. You KNOW people are going to hurt when you leave. When youâre there, you have already talked youâre way past that, because starting a conversation about it means it stops being about you. Youâre either going to be told your lying or spend your last moments comforting those around you. So please, if someone, ANYONE, tells you they are considering or attempting suicide, please know that the worst thing you can do is make it about you. Be there. Just fucking be there for them and them alone. Remove yourself from the equation. Know that in that moment you may not save them. Know that if you lose them, I do not expect you or anyone else effected by their death to just get over it. But I do expect you to push through, to walk through, to march the fuck through it as a tribute to them. They deserve that from you, and from everyone they ever touched, because I PROMISE you that if they meant even the smallest bit of harm to you, they wouldnât have harmed themselves. #suicide #suicideawareness # depression # anxiety #bethere
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