wanna be mysterious

Every day, I think about getting my height checked at my endocrinologist and the nurse going, "Why's every trans guy we get in here 5'4"?" Uncalled for.

Also being at the dentist and saying, "Hey, my paperwork says _____, but I'm Newt," and her, without skipping a beat, saying, "Oh, did your mom pick that one out, too?" Obliterated.

me, copy pasting the same joke on tumblr, 3 discord servers, 2 dms, and a group chat: I am doing amazing. I am doing fantastic. I am going to get a good grade in funny, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

It is so cruel that we think we’re wasting time when we’re doing something that we love and that does not have any materialistic returns

me, with tears in my eyes: time to make a joke

milf (motivation i’d like to find)

too much self reflection is not a good thing honestly. go outside and plant a garden and then cook yourself a homemade dinner then mop the floors and change your sheets and take a hot shower then you won’t care so much

The human spine is a joke why do my shoes effect how much my back hurts I'm gonna kill you

yeah i’m stupid. i’m also the smartest man in the world and God’s favourite princess. i cannot die, i’m the best person you’ll ever meet, and the worst girl who’s ever lived. let’s kiss with tongue.