Low Life Jogger with Lost Dreams

Today, i rolled out my chapstivk and ate it because my coworker promised me the tips in their apron if i did.

it turned out to be $0.49

Which wasn't enough to cover the cost of a new chapstuck, but it was worth it because i finally had my favorite thing in me, no not your girlfriend's pussy juice,

My phone is on 59% but I thought it said 69%

but it says 59% but I thought it said 69%

so I was like yeeeeee buddy but it's 59%

(not 69%)

my least favorite part about casually watching porn is when ur mum walks in like "hey hun whatcha watching" i obviously can't say 'oh just sum dood dressed as the queen getting a hand job' hell no, instead i have to spill some crap about "oh just tennis" which then strikes up the conversation "oh when did you get interested in sports" and then keeping up with the lie you try out for the team and then you make the team and then you win your first 3 games and you can't just quit. and the whole situation could've been avoided if you were just jacking off, but no, the casual watch caught you.

ok so my intrusive thoughts hit me up in these current hours and i was like “hm, how about i just like cut off half of my left middle finger” and of course your bitch didn’t go through with it, but he’s still thinking about it, but anyways.

just like imagine the stories you can tell

“OMG WHAT HAPPENED?”

“oh, a goose attack” or alternatively

“i was trapped underneath a rock and i had to cut it off to survive… no the rock was on my legs”