This Is War

to be  t e e n a g e r s , 

to be kids. 

We were too busy 

The Replica took a few bites of food, slow and contemplative.  When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, and small.  “You and Sora...are spending a lot of time together--?”  Suddenly, Ikki decided he didn’t want to know.  He didn’t want to hear about home.  He didn’t want to talk about home.  He’d made his decision.

He put down his fork and looked up at Ienzo, crystalline eyes grave and resolute.

Ikki wiped his face with the hankerchief as Ienzo pulled away.  It was just the right amount of contact, not too much; Ikki wasn’t overwhelmed by it.  He felt enormously better, and it showed in the relaxed slump of his shoulders.  Ikki took the food with a grateful nod, and immediately began guzzling the water; half the glass disappeared in one breath.

“Thank you.”  He didn’t mean it any less than the last time he’d said it.  Ikki picked up his fork and took a scoop of vegetables, but hesitated, staring at the plate.  He cast a sidelong glance at Ienzo.

                   ѕσмєтιмєѕ I ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ｐｕｔ ｂａｃｋ                                                                 ｔｏｇｅｔｈｅｒ

Sometimes ι ƒιη∂ ιт ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ  BᎬLIEVЕ

                            There’s ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ  ｅｌｓｅ

“I’m here because Yen wanted my help. I don’t think he knew there was only one survivor, but I saved him. Darius is going to be ok-nothing more than a scar. I’m all right, Ikki, and so are you. You’re safe here-it’s safe to cry if you need to.” He started petting Ikki’s hair, trying to soothe his friend without knowing the true cause of his distress. “It’s ok. I’ve got you, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Not Liash, not Alliance, not Heartless, not Nobodies-anything that tried to take him away from Ikki or Ikki away from him would probably end up permanently frozen in ice right now.

Darius.  Right; right.  The man who had called for help.  Darius was the reason why the Alliance reinforcements had come.  He’d saved Ikki’s life with that; there was no way the Replica would have been able to handle six thousand Liash on his own.  He was a powerhouse, but he was only one person.  Ikki was glad he’d survived.  Now, he might have a chance to properly thank the man.

Yen.  Of course it was him.  Even though Ikki had only just met him, it was already obvious that Yen was the kind of man that people were naturally drawn to.  Ikki had a feeling he hadn’t seen the last of the General.

No, he definitely hadn’t.  He couldn’t go home.  There was pain in his Heart, pain he let out in tears on Ienzo’s shoulder, pain that became easier to bear as Ienzo continued to pet his hair, to let him know that he wasn’t alone, to let him know that he was safe.  But his Heart also had anger.  More anger than could be contained.

He wasn’t finished with the Liash yet.

It was a good while before Ikki’s sobs began to ease back into normal breaths.  He reached a point where he was in control of himself again, and decided that he couldn’t cry forever.  He had to let Ienzo eat, too; it wasn’t fair to him.

Slowly, Ikki’s grip on Ienzo’s coat lessened, and with a sniff, he pulled himself away.  Shame turned his gaze downward, and he wiped his face on the sleeve of his borrowed hoodie.  His voice was weak when he tried to speak, so broken that it made him wince, but he plowed on anyway.

Shoving that thought firmly away, Ienzo walked over to the bed and sat down. After setting the food on Ikki’s other side, he pulled his friend close, pressing the silver-haired head to rest on his shoulder. A faint, gentle trickle of a Cure began feeding into Ikki, hopefully easing any aches and pains that the fight had brought on.

No.  No, that was wrong.  They were all dead.  He was safe, here with the Infinite Alliance and Ienzo.  They were dead.

Dead...dead faces, everywhere dead faces, white walls and dead faces, white walls and blood splatter and dead faces, and alarms blaring, ringing, ringing, ringing...

A choked sound echoed out of Ikki.  He gripped onto the sides of Ienzo’s coat with trembling hands and pressed his face further into his shoulder.

“No,” he choked, muffled.  “No, no, no no no no...”

He was about to cry, and it gripped him with panic.  The panic loosened the tears, letting them flow freely on Ienzo’s coat, and the panic shook him from the core outwards; he trembled so hard that he could swear his bones were rattling.  His breathing became erratic, and his grip tightened.

“No, no, no.  No.  No.”  The litany became desperate, tear-choked keens.  He managed to suck in enough breath to ask him the only other thing that mattered.

…The Liash had him, remember? They must have trained him.

An intense wave of fury at the thought that those…monsters…had had Ikki for any length of time washed through him, but he quashed the feeling before it could show on his face and returned to smiling. “Hey. I brought you some food. …And maybe a hug, if you want it?”

“...Yeah.”  His eyes drifted away from Ienzo’s face, eyes falling to half-mast and staring at nothing.  “Yeah, food’s good.”

Something like a shudder passed over Ikki, but it seemed to come from his soul, not his body.  He closed his eyes for a moment, as if assaulted by a wave of nausea.  No.  He wasn’t going to break down.  Not now.  Not in front of Ienzo.  Not...not ever.

Now, though, he had another self-appointed job-find Ikki, and make sure he was okay. He’d washed his hands, freeing the blood from his fingernails, then gathered up a small amount of food and asked the nearest officer where he could find the silver-haired Fighter. Fortunately, the man was both amicable and knowledgeable, and he found his friend without any difficulty and knocked on the door.

So he hadn’t been imagining things on Z’ar.  Ienzo really was there.  How the hell had he...and why...Well, Ikki could always ask him, anyway.

But he didn’t want to see him.  He didn’t want Ienzo to see him.  He didn’t want Ienzo to find out what he’d done.  He didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him.  Where he’d been.  He didn’t want to talk about why Riku and his parents had received forged letters saying that Ikki didn’t ever want to see them again.  It would be better if he just...stayed gone.

But what was he going to do, tell Ienzo to fuck off?  In a way, this was the rescue he’d been dreaming about for the past year.  It was another soul he knew, a friendly face.