Residue of Something

People say to not be hard on yourself. To me, I translated that as code for: “let me be the one who is criticizing you”. Maybe it is my trust issues speaking, as I am still hard on myself. Less now than years prior. I can breathe better, but I have not broken out my bubble. This is due to my fear of being viewed as a late bloomer. I am a late bloomer in every way. Without detailing what I have…

Title: heart ache thoughts of seeing you in my rear viewthe only thing available is your scent desires to have you in my existencethe only thing here is our past experiences no one else harborsthe only thing left is to shrug walking back to you, i wantmy heart to stop achingwalking back to you, i sawmy heart needed morewalking back to you, i wishnothing more than mutual happiness growth…

Title: Change in my voice the change in my voice fears none  for i am not speaking yet  closing my eyes for darkness to flood  this light is nothing to commemorate  i cannot stand for the change in my voice  i fear me when i do  am i who i am because of the change in my voice  change in my voice  changing ways  rethinking my thoughts  to change my tone is  to change me more than…

Title: un- stability music to my ears   when i hear you are far  you give me un- stability   no words to describe   for no way i can survive   off of any chance with you  i don’t want it  the world  my mind  my thoughts  breathe  breathe   breathe once more  i gather my strength  i gather my senses  this makes no sense to try   i am not stable   and you make it worse  please i…

Title: becoming you rolling in a ball when you sleep  running to a corner when hiding   ruining things when you needed to win  why am i so different?  if you take the films i watch,  the books i read,  the lessons i learned,  the music i listen to,  the dislikes i have,   the emotions i harbor,  the people i’ve met,   the place i’ve been,  the things i’ve done,   the moments i…

Title: the flag of feeling salute to this feeling in the sky  strange motion and colors  evener stranger in the wind  no warning with approaching change  symbol of what i i don’t know well  no one never sees the meaning behind the visual  desires i have of because of this flagged feeling  the feelings i get   feels written into history  a song without a bad note  a nation without…

Title: Dreaming of dreaming of childhood  the nightmare growing pains   that instilled nothing but conflict  closing my eyes to sleep but recalling  everything that i failed to do  white windows with blue rain drizzle  as i lay in fetal and lethal positions   childhood i fear it and not more  growing up i experience desire  a child-like innocence masked me it is not my right to stay a…

Title: too much power glaring at my future unknown  staring down onto my past reviewed  i claim and cry too much power  wanting to pick and choose  doing this and that over there  stepping into my path which once was not it breathe   breathe  breathe  inhaling too much   i start to think differently inhaling too little  i think to start differently   exhaling in then…

Title: You are the definition Craving this untamed new feeling from the world  Being myself today for time and space to  Embrace me whole  You are the definition  I think I am in it  Falling hard smacked to the ground  Saying I could die tomorrow happily is too strong  But all of a sudden all the love songs heightens   All of my past feelings swiped away  I want to know you  You are…

Title: wild life or human life slowly, slow-ly, s-low-ly, slow go slowly and you can survive that’s not always the case case in question is what what is wrong with you you are what is wrong with me slowly, slow-ly, s-low-ly, slow i hate you you take it up with your mother mother? mother! mother— can you slow it down and pause i don’t want to, i like it fast i like everything fast,…

I contemplated how to title this and which series to shove this experience under for safe keeping. I decided on “Remains after”, which are longer pieces where I look at what came after a moment. I know what you are thinking. Or well, this is was I am thinking about right now. A moment indicates a short time span not a decade. You could say this is remains after many moments, but specifically I am…

Welcome to my third timeline! Impact comes from the Latin word impingere which means “to strike or dash against” and the English word impinge which means “encroach”. Apparently, the earliest known use of this word was in the late 1700s in the writing of a bishop. The noun impact came after the verb impact. And finally, impact is used in diverse ways from medicine to figurative language to…

Check out part one: https://diligenceandhonor.blogspot.com/2018/01/alone-in-this-crazycruel-world-part-1.html We are not alone in this world. But in a state of craze or cruelty, we become alone. This is fact. Try to argue it if you do not agree it is a fact. I was young, 17 to be exact, when I wrote part one. Seven years later, I write part two. My everything is so different and changed. I…

I had put writing this off forever. Okay, I am writing now but it felt as if I waited and just waited. So, this is some mental health recovery journey. This is only my one lived experience so nothing or maybe some things will resonate. My journey’s destination was never in my line of sight until recently in these past few years. I now understand truly the light at the end of one’s dark days and…

Previous [W-OG] are here https://residueofsomething.wordpress.com/2025/03/01/w-og-02-23/ https://residueofsomething.wordpress.com/2025/03/10/w-og-03-02/ https://residueofsomething.wordpress.com/2025/03/15/w-og-03-09/ [W-OG 04/11] me trying to see if i have a bright future ahead Countdown to May: 20 daysCountdown to summer: 70 days I am still trying to control my stuffy nose and maintain a…

Title: Indeed, Flash The light breaks when I recall a happy memory I step on broken film instead of broken glass It is another realm to live in when things aren’t as they seem I feel a change I feel a movement The light bulb flashes rather than flicker My memory is longer than that Colored film is not me Broken Film my broken essence in a flash In an instance, With no measured…

Previous [W-OG] are here https://residueofsomething.wordpress.com/2025/03/01/w-og-02-23/ https://residueofsomething.wordpress.com/2025/03/10/w-og-03-02/ [W-OG 03/09] logged on 03/10 at 11:03 am Countdown to April: 23 daysCountdown to nine years since my mental health diagnosis: 36 days I… 404 Error Not Found Currently watching Currently loving Currently feeling TO-DO. . . logician or…