YOU ARE DEAD !

A year. Time has felt so dilated since she woke up. She wonders, not for the first time, what her funeral was like. If anyone wept for her.

The carefully-balanced viral load coursing through her veins ensures that there is always a general urge to comply. There's a sort of trick she's figured out, however, that helps her gauge her level of control so to speak. The device on her chest runs tubes below the skin ; they don't hurt, per se, but they are not comfortable.

Commands send Jill straight into action — nothing is more pressing, and that discomfort under her skin becomes the last thing on her mind. Suggestions have strength to them as well, though not as much as a command, and questions have even less. Wesker asks her how she is, and spilling her guts feels like the easiest thing in the world ( I feel disgusted with myself. I miss Chris. You should've left me to die. I'll kill you the second you slip up, and I'll like it, and I don't care what that makes me. ) ... but Jill breathes in, feels the slightest movement at those entrance sites, and the sensation grounds her.

"I'm healthy." As far as she's aware, it's the truth. "Unless there's something you haven't told me... but my body feels strong." Her handlers share details about her condition at their mercy. Sometimes she gets what feels like a shocking, perhaps even a careless amount of detail. Other times she goes weeks hearing next to nothing. She asked a lot of questions in the early days ; now she's starting to feel like it might be better not to know.

"How are you?" It's the polite thing, to reciprocate the inquiry. Jill's eyes find their way back to Wesker's face, unflinching as she proceeds. "Thought about giving cliff-diving another try? I'd be happy to help." There's a curl at the corner of her mouth. She's not allowed to harm him, and sometimes that order makes even verbal threats difficult to get out. The beauty of innuendo is that she didn't technically threaten him, and thus Jill doesn't struggle with that particular act of insolence.

"how thoughtful of you." behind the dark tint of his glasses, his eyes are calculating. searching for just the right chink in her armor. "i'm glad to see you've kept your sense of humor. it will be fascinating to see whether that remains the case as your infection progresses."

he could have used any subject for the p-30, but once again wesker is gratified in his choice. in his own foresightedness, in choosing her. (although, he'd be remiss not to acknowledge the way the opportunity had practically -- jumped into his lap, so to speak.)

it would be easy for wesker to simply demand that jill tell him what he wants to know -- her mental state. he'd considered bringing in a psychologist to assess the hidden ways p-30 was affecting her, but decided against it. that would be too blunt an instrument. and he'd enjoy handling this more personally.

i imagine v. will resist to the end, he'd written somewhere in his notes, the day after the implantation, when she was still thrashing on the table, leather restraints rubbing raw on her wrists and ankles. not a reason for concern. i have nothing but time. and like a god's avenging angel, she'd risen again. stronger, better, and loyal only to him -- whether that loyalty came organically or not hardly mattered.

a selection of headcanon questions inspired by key bones in the human body.

skull.   what memories/thoughts do they guard the most from others ?

cheekbone. what makes them smile ?

mandible / jawbone. what are they incapable of saying out loud ?

teeth. what lasting mark do they leave on others ?

hyoid / neck. who taught them to speak up, or stay silent ?

clavicle / collarbone. who/what do they lean on when they're vulnerable ?

scapula / shoulderblade. what burden do they carry on their back ?

sternum. what makes their heart pound hardest ?

ribcage. who/what are they trying to protect ?

humerus. do they use humour as a shield or a weapon ? what from/to ?

radius. who/what do they reach for first in a crisis ?

ulna. who stands by them no matter what ?

carpals. what small habits do they have ?

metacarpals. do they ask for help or clench their fists and bear it ?

phalanges. what is their relationship with touch ?

spine. when do they lose their backbone, what scares them ?

pelvis. what future or legacy are they afraid/excited to be responsible for ?

sacrum. what sacrifices have they made ?

coccyx / tailbone. what outdated beliefs do they still carry, if any ?

femur. what drives them forward ?

patella / kneecap. how compliant/obedient are they, who will they kneel for ?

tibia. who/what keeps them moving forward ?

fibula. do they ever feel overlooked ?

tarsals. what past mistakes stick with them with every step they take ?

DIALOGUE

come here, i just want you closer.

don't rush. i want to feel this.

you feel so good inside me.

i've been thinking about this all day.

tell me what you want.

you drive me absolutely insane.

i love it when you look at me like that.

don't stop, please.

i need you right here.

you're doing that on purpose, aren't you?

i can't stop touching you.

you feel perfect like this.

stay with me tonight.

i want all of you.

you make it hard to think straight.

look at me. keep your eyes on me.

i love the sounds you make.

you're being dangerous right now.

i missed you.. missed this part of you, too.

let me take my time with you.

you're warm. you're real.

i don't want this to end yet.

come closer. closer than that.

you feel like home.

don't tease me unless you mean it.

i like it when you lose control like this.

you're everything i want right now.

you're breathtaking when you're like this.

stay still, let me.

i love how responsive you are.

you're making this very difficult for me.

you don't know what you do to me.

say my name again.

can i come inside? please..

you feel even better than i imagined.

i want to hear you.

you're intoxicating.

i could touch you forever.

don't hide from me.

you're mine tonight.

you look incredible like this.

i love being this close to you.

you're shaking, i've got you.

you taste amazing.

i want you exactly like this.

i'm not letting you go yet.

you're taking me so well.

tell me if this feels good.

i love how soft you are.

breathe, you're doing so well.

i can feel your heartbeat.

i want to make you melt.

you're so beautiful it hurts.

stay right there.

i love when you get needy.

you don't have to be quiet with me.

you feel incredible under my hands.

i've wanted this longer than i'll admit.

you're all i can think about.

i want to savor you.

let me show you how much i want you.

you're making me weak.

i love being tangled up with you.

don't pull away.

i could get addicted to this.

you feel even better pressed against me.

you're driving me absolutely feral.

stay. just like that.

i love how you react to me.

i want to make you feel good.

you're mine in this moment.

you feel so right.

let me kiss you again.

you're intoxicating this close.

i love your hands on me.

you're impossible to resist.

don't stop touching me.

i love when you pull me closer.

you make me feel wanted.

i could stay like this forever.

you're everything i need right now.

i want to hear you come.

you're so warm.

let me take care of you.

i love when you relax into me.

you feel incredible against me.

i'm not done with you yet.

you're making this very tempting.

open up for me..

you're perfect right here.

i want you to remember this.

you're all mine tonight.

i love when you lean into me.

you make me ache.

don't hold back with me.

you feel amazing when you're like this.

i want to feel every part of you.

you're driving me crazy.

i love how close we are.

i don't want to stop touching you.

you're exactly where you belong.

let me feel you breathe.

you're making me lose focus.

stay with me a little longer.

you're everything i want right now.

i want you slow.

you feel incredible wrapped around me.

you're so responsive.

don't rush this.

i love when you look at me like that.

you make this feel so easy.

i want you close when you fall asleep.

you're intoxicating like this.

i love your warmth.

stay right here with me.

you make me feel wanted.

i want you to feel how much i want you.

don't go yet.

you're making me want more.

i love being like this with you.

you're everything in this moment.

let me hold you.

you feel so good against me.

i want to remember this.

you're breathtaking this close.

stay tangled up with me.

i love how you fit with me.

you're making me soft.

i want to stay right here.

don't stop touching me like that.

you're incredible.

i love how needy you get.

you feel perfect right now.

let me keep you here.

you're everything i want.

i want to make this last.

you're making me melt.

stay close.

i love your closeness.

you're intoxicating.

don't move.

i want you exactly like this.

you make me feel alive.

i love being wrapped up with you.

you're so easy to love like this.

you're everything to me right now.

i don't want to rush this moment.

you feel so right.

i want to fall asleep like this.

you're mine tonight.

ACTIONS

( fingers ) : for SENDER to lace their fingers with RECEIVER'S.

( lean ) : for SENDER to lean in until their breaths mingle.

( trail ) : for SENDER to trail their fingertips along RECEIVER'S arm.

( slow ) : for SENDER to press a slow kiss to RECEIVER'S mouth.

( waist ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER closer by the waist.

( body ) : for SENDER to press their body against RECEIVER'S.

( neck ) : for SENDER to nuzzle into RECEIVER'S neck.

( murmur ) : for SENDER to murmur softly against RECEIVER'S skin.

( cradle ) : for SENDER to cradle RECEIVER'S face in their hands.

( linger ) : for SENDER to linger close without speaking.

( back ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S back slowly.

( firmly ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S firmly in their arms.

( guide ) : for SENDER to guide RECEIVER'S to their lap by the hips.

( forehead ) : for SENDER to rest their forehead against RECEIVER'S.

( sigh ) : for SENDER to sigh softly against RECEIVER'S mouth.

( cup ) : for SENDER to cup RECEIVER'S cheek gently.

( jaw ) : for SENDER to trail kisses along RECEIVER'S jawline.

( arms ) : for SENDER to wrap their arms around RECEIVER.

( tug ) : for SENDER to tug RECEIVER closer by their clothing.

( temple ) : for SENDER to press a kiss to RECEIVER'S temple.

( skin ) : for SENDER to linger with their lips against RECEIVER'S skin.

( chest ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER close against their chest.

( thumb ) : for SENDER to brush their thumb over RECEIVER'S lips.

( deep ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly and deeply.

( nudge ) : for SENDER to nudge RECEIVER closer with their knee.

( curl ) : for SENDER to curl around RECEIVER protectively.

( rest ) : for SENDER to rest their hand at RECEIVER'S lower back.

( lap ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into their lap.

( collar ) : for SENDER to kiss along RECEIVER'S collarbone.

( hips ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S hips firmly.

( hair ) : for SENDER to brush hair away from RECEIVER'S face.

( press ) : for SENDER to press slow kisses along RECEIVER'S neck.

( nuzzle ) : for SENDER to nuzzle closer, seeking warmth.

( stroke ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S thigh absently.

( still ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER still beneath their hands.

( kiss ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER'S until they both breathless.

( trace ) : for SENDER to trace small circles on RECEIVER'S skin.

( heart ) : for SENDER to rest their hand over RECEIVER'S heart.

( brush ) : for SENDER to brush their nose against RECEIVER'S.

( wrap ) : for SENDER to wrap their legs around RECEIVER.

( hold ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER after climaxing.

( savor ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly, savoring it.

( cuddle ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into a tight cuddle.

( cheek ) : for SENDER to rest their cheek against RECEIVER'S shoulder.

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

" that's a lot of blood. "

" it isn't mine. "

" what did you do ? "

[ sigh ] " what did you do ? "

" come on. have a taste. "

" holy shit, are you okay ? "

" it looks worse than it feels. "

" you should see the other guy. "

" it's a good look on you. you should get covered in blood more often. "

" lean on me. "

" oh my god. oh my god, oh my god, what the fuck ? is that what i fucking think it is ? "

" . . . gross. "

[ standing over a body ] " oops. "

" is that a fucking body ? "

" look, i'm sorry, okay ? "

" what the hell happened ? "

" before you say anything, it wasn't me. "

" at least it wasn't me this time. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you pretend it isn't. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you wish it wasn't. "

" i'm not scared of you. "

" you don't scare me. "

" shut up and let me help you. "

" i got your shirt all bloody. "

" let's get you cleaned up. "

" that looks like it hurts. "

" i'm fine, just. . . give me a minute. "

" we are so fucked. "

" what the fuck is wrong with you ? "

" are you gonna help me clean it up or not ? "

" the fucker deserved it. "

" red looks good on you. "

" what the hell did you do ; tap - dance all over the body with ice - skates ? "

" what, did you run over the body with your car a couple times after ? "

" i. . . i didn't mean to. . . "

" sorry. fuck, i'm sorry. "

" this isn't what it looks like. "

" it was an accident. "

" motherfucker ran right into my knife, i swear. "

" people need to look both ways before crossing. . . bullets. "

" would you believe me if i said wrong place, wrong time ? "

" hey, look at me. i don't care. are you okay ? "

" they deserved it, right ? please tell me they deserved it. "

" you're bleeding. "

" what the fuck happened to you ? "

" you're getting blood on the carpet. "

" sit down before you fall down. "

" that looks like a you problem. "

𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

sender spits out a mouthful of blood at receiver's feet

sender spits out a mouthful of blood on receiver

receiver finds sender covered in blood

sender tries desperately to stop receiver's bleeding

sender helps receiver clean up after a kill

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with a washcloth

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with their thumb

sender licks receiver's blood off a knife

sender licks receiver's blood off their thumb

sender lights up a cigarette a foot away from someone they killed before offering one to receiver

receiver finds sender stood over a body

sender stitches up receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender digs their finger into receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender frantically checks receiver for injuries under all the blood

sender guides receiver's bloody hands under a faucet / water source and begins washing them clean

sender bites receiver hard enough to draw blood

sender tilts receiver's head back to staunch a nosebleed

sender draws a smiley face out of the blood they spilled :)

receiver finds sender cleaning up a kill in a daze

sender looks receiver in the eye as they shoot / stab / kill someone

sender ruffles receiver's hair, getting blood all over their hand

sender gets some of receiver's blood on them and makes a face

sender flicks blood at receiver to annoy them

sender stomps in a pool of blood to splash it on receiver

sender slips in their victim's blood but receiver steadies them before they can fall

sender steadies receiver when they slip in the blood sender spilled

receiver comes home to sender covered in blood and waiting for them with all the lights off

sender spits out a tooth and it hits receiver

sender tries to wipe blood off receiver but the blood on their hands just makes it worse

sender takes an injury meant for receiver

sender shows up on receiver's doorstep covered in blood

sender sits down quietly next to receiver after receiver kills someone

sender punches receiver in the mouth

receiver watches sender lick the blood off their fingers like its cheeto dust

sender helps receiver bury a body

sender hugs receiver just to get their victim's blood all over them <3

sender hugs receiver just to get their blood all over them <3

sender leans on receiver for support

sender kills someone to protect receiver

receiver finds sender in a frenzy maiming a body after they've already killed it

sender kills someone and the blood spatters on receiver

receiver finds sender desperately trying to wash the blood off of themself

sender kisses receiver to taste the blood on their busted lip

"Excella has been handling the debriefs." Her voice comes out stilted, almost like she's trying not to be too curt. Traces of attitude remain in her tone, nevertheless, though nothing like the spitfire she'd been.

Jill's words are redundant, a statement of fact they both clearly know — mostly, she says it to see if she still can. There are small rebellions she can yet get away with, little ways of attempting to counter-manipulate her handlers and skirt around orders through technicalities ... but she can feel the desire to resist beginning to slip. Sometimes the effort to act on such thoughts makes her so tired it almost isn't worth it.

Physically she's never been stronger, yet she's never felt more weak. Some days she can't tell which wants are her own and which are chemically induced suggestions. Were it just her body being made to move against her wishes, Jill thinks she could handle that better ; it's the additional muddling of her mind that incenses her. She fears one day she'll wake up unable to speak at all, or worse, with no desire to.

Of course she eyes Wesker warily, irises so blue now the fluorescent light almost makes them look white. There is a stiffness to her posture, despite her generally unperturbed veneer. When he had entered the room, Jill stood — she isn't sure if that was out of apprehension at his arrival, or something like the parade rest of her Army years. It makes her jaw clench. The day's outing had been short, and a success as far as she's aware. A personal visit from the man is never good, just a matter of how bad.

"What brings you here?" Did I do something wrong? She all but has to bite her own tongue to keep from speaking the words aloud, and that is the exact problem she's been thinking about ; brief moments where she thinks or acts like a fresh-faced S.T.A.R.S. agent of yore seeking the approval of her Captain, before the ugly head of here and now rears its head, and she's back to watching herself move in disgust.

the stilted care in her tone as she addresses him is gratifying -- proves she can learn, after all. there had been an adjustment period when jill had first been adapting to her new situation. a certain expected amount of demands, bargaining attempts, threats. he'd expected more attempts on his life; but that was what the plagas was there to prevent. and one could hardly deny the results: one of wesker's most skilled operatives, working for him again. all of the training with none of her pesky moral grandstanding.

no mistakes. she says it reflexively, as though she's expecting some kind of punishment. wesker makes a small, noncommittal noise. circles her, as she stands in her parade rest. watches that muscle in her jaw tick.

"you've done well. no need to fret." a thin smile, like oil on water. more praise than he'd usually give to his s.t.a.rs, wanting them to constantly strive for excellence. but s.t.a.r.s was, for all intents and purposes, dead, and in these circumstances, with all she'd survived since she'd last been one of his unit, perhaps jill had earned the fraction of praise.

"it's been nearly a year since i saved you." a seeming non-sequitur, but it's the closest he'll get to answering her question. a year since the satisfaction of spencer's throat crumpling in his hand. since jill had tackled him out a window in one of her open-hearted, misguided attempts to spare chris. he could have let her die, but he spared her -- and was rewarded with her compliance. his most promising test subject. he's in front of her again, watching her eyes. "how are you feeling, jill?"

THREE QUICK KNOCKS TO HER FRONT DOOR. A pause between them, one two three seconds. Then, another three knocks. Usually, you wouldn't be so impatient. Wouldn't be bothering her so late. Nearly three in the morning — the good doctor should be fast asleep. Certainly needs her rest, with the workload she carries. Usually, you can respect that. You shift on your feet a little, get a little woozy. The lights in Rebecca's apartment hallway are dim, so it takes you a minute to realize the dark smudge against her door is blood. Yours, of course. You sigh once, annoyed at yourself, and think firmly : Get someone by to clean that up. No need to tell on yourself.

it's possible she's got smeared ink on her cheek, but that's a background concern. she opens the door to see leon -- her sort-of-friend, sort-of-neighbor, sort-of-i-don't-know-what.

"leon?" and then she takes in the state he's in. "is that blood?" she doesn't have time to be surprised. she has to re-orient herself. "come in! come in." opening the door wider, in case he needs help getting to her shitty ikea couch -- "take a seat. please. do you want me to call --"