ur mom

Project Hail Mary is a cautionary tale of the consequences of accidentally becoming too important at work. Act your wage, divas, or you might end up being involuntarily sent to space.

“The worst she can say is no.” No, the worst she can say is, “I’m sending you on a suicide mission to space to save humanity.”

Imagine you’re a student at Grover Cleveland Middle School and your science teacher gets replaced halfway through the year and then you’re watching the news with your parents one night and you find out it’s because HE WAS SENT TO SPACE AND HE’S GONNA DIE THERE and you’re like 12 so it’s gonna take you years to process that

Friendly reminder that Hopper lost two daughters 🥰🥰

Going on a date with my ex-husband! I hope no one beheads us in the park…

What if you and members of your rock band were shot in the street and your ex-husband didn’t call you but then he frantically texts you while you’re re-recording your entire album to come see a waitress at a random diner. And he’s been paying this waitress half a million dollars to pretend to be your dead daughter who you watched die. So you tell him to pick up the phone next time someone tries to kill you. This happened to my good friend Lestat de Lioncourt

It’s heartbreaking how little Armand had to do to convince Larry to throw himself onto the train tracks. Lestat really bullied the fuck out of him to the point where his resolve was so weakened and he that the simple promise of not having to experience it anymore was very appealing. He was in love with a man who would never love him back and always used him as a punching bag for everything in his life.

Louis de Pointe du Lac is like a friend I often worry about and beg to go to a psychiatrist and a therapist and get prescribed antidepressants and put a block on his bank account so he can’t pay a random waitress half a million dollars to pretend to be his dead daughter. Also I’ve helped him through two divorces just for him to get back together with his first ex-husband and own 45% of his concert merchandise

Happy first reaping day! I’ve aged out, good luck to y’all though

Congratulations to my close personal friend @taylorswift on getting married today 👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️💍