sincerely, me.

I had dinner with my Korean class friends and teacher (and his male assistant). Well technically it was break-fasting for me but most of them did not fast so it was more like a dinner. A classmate initiated that to thank my teacher for teaching us throughout the semester and as a "have fun going on vacation!" greeting to him haha!

I was an ugly mess the moment i arrived at the promised restaurant. You people gotta imagine, i spent the afternoon trying to clean up my room from the wreck i made while i reorganized my stuff. I got rid of so many things, rearranged the table, cleaned up the dust and dirt and hell it was lot of a work and i am not done yet by the time i wrote this (left half part of my room remain hella wrecked idc). And i practically had no time to do my make up and just put on the base, pact and brows and picked out random lip cream to put on because my ojek driver was already outside and it was raining and i don't want to be a bitch by making him wait while i put my mascara on. So i just went outside and wore the given rain coat, which was very smelly and a little bit damp on the inside btw. It was gross... But i thought oh well i'll just brush my hair and spray my cologne in the bathroom later untillllll i saw my teacher and his assistant sitting in the sofa by the lobby. So that's where i took them upstair to meet the other friends and i realized that shit i wont have the chance to fix my hair and stuff before meeting them.

I totally felt like trash because i only wore my usual shirt and jeans and barely any make up while they were very well-dressed and very prepared. It was a rough start but as the time went by and we talked about so many interesting stuff even the more personal ones, i just didnt care about how i look anymore lol. We talked so much we joked very comfortably i realized that my teacher's assistant is not as cold as he usually seemed in class. He in fact has much interest in our culture, he asked about how indonesian study works and in return he told us about his military experience and his thoughts on indonesian. And regarding to our summer schoolprogram next month, he even recommended some affordable places for us to visit.

One thing i regret was my stupid decision to ask him if we should call him Sunbae and he was like "Seonsaengnim" .....why. I was comfortable with calling his name like other friends do, although it may sound rude because he's technically five years older than me. But being the only one calling him seonsaengnim while the others call him by the name would be just awkward..

Also my teacher wasnt as stiff as he usually was in the class (for the record, he's normally just speak straight to the point and hardly gets our joke, also probs because he doesnt understand what we were saying 1000%). We talked about age, family, shio and many more.

It is always really nice to understand more of people. Of how their mind works, their thoughts, their judgement and their vision. After the warm dinner my friends and i didnt want to come home just yet lol so we went somewhere to chat more and we chose Noah's. Getting to know more of friends that i am not close to or the friends who always seem to look at me very coldly was surprisingly very fun to me. God knows how much i like to observe people that it becomes a habit, and my interest in different personalities and traits that people have. I reflect on them, i am inspired from them.

Iri. Yang satu-satunya saya rasakan saat melihat Cinta dan Rangga

Iri. Hati saya iri. Ketika Rangga menatap Cinta, Ketika Cinta tersenyum kepada Rangga.

How could their feeling be so genuine? So real, so pure and honest? Breathtaking. Beautiful. Or at least that’s how it was portrayed.

Apa ada sosok seperti Rangga di masa ini? Atau sosok dengan kepribadian bijaknya? Atau bahkan mendekati? Tidak?

Atau betul kata mereka? Bahwa sosok seperti Rangga hanya sosok imajiner, Sosok fiksi yang tidak mungkin eksis. Sosok yang diciptakan agar kita terus bermimpi. Menutup mata terhadap sekitar karena terlalu sibuk, Sibuk mencari sosoknya di dunia nyata.

Saya bukan Cinta. Saya bukan seorang yang menarik apalagi puitis Saya jelas bukan Cinta. Saya tidak seberani dan tidak seberuntung ia Mengambil segala keputusan tanpa rasa canggung Membawa tawa riang semua orang senang padanya Saya bukan siapa-siapa Sama sekali.

Lantas apa artinya saya tidak akan mendapatkan sosok Rangga di hidup saya? Apa saya tidak akan pernah diperlakukan seperti Rangga mempelakukan Cinta?

Saya paham betul Tuhan punya rencana untuk saya Ia selalu punya rencana Dalam doa saya selalu berharap Agar kelak saya bisa menjadi seperti Cinta Agar saya lekas dipertemukan oleh Rangga Rangga saya sendiri.

Ngobrolin game. Saya jadi penasaran, apa kamu juga main game? Ataukah kamu memang selalu serius seperti itu?

Hahaha maafkan saya Saya malah jadi membayangkan kamu main game. I imagine you staring very seriously into the monitor While clicking It would be so cute

I could just sit beside you And watch you play All day long :)

welcome to my online journal, blog, page or whatever you want to call it!

i’m monica, an university student. took personality tests before and the result said i’m an introvert and sensible, sometimes a passive-aggressive.. this is my first tumblr account i made for personal life. in fact, i’ve never made a page or blog or online journal for my personal life, it has always been for fangirling purposes. anyway i’ll be posting in both english and bahasa. not because i dont like and proud of bahasa, but some words are better and less-awkward explained in english and vice versa to bahasa. 

why start a blog now?

i honestly have no idea why, but something inside me keeps pushing me to start one. probably because i have sooo much things in my head lately, and i dont want to burden anyone with my thoughts. also partly because i feel that other social medias cant provide enough space for me to write. i couldve write in path or instagram but it would be too irrelevant to suddenly write long-ass post about what i feel while other people are sharing what they do and where they go daily.

kenapa sih bikin blog? kok tumben?

pengen kaya anak-anak jaman sekarang ya jadi blogger?

no honestly. i started this blog not to seek for popularity or fame lagian my writings suck gimana mau gain fame.. i purely started this blog simply because i want to have more privacy and space to share my thoughts. as i said saya bisa aja share in path or instagram but then again i dont feel comfortable with that. i’d rather share my stories with stranger who doesnt know me daily. thus, i started this blog.

what is my blog about?

nothing specific. this is not a beauty blog, food blog, beauty blog or travel blog like others are naming themselves. here, i will write what i want to write. this blog will become more like tempat curhat but it could be about anything. could be about gaming, my travel experience, tv series or just anything that i cant keep to myself.

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