Redkelpfish

Kinda want a fic retelling/fleshing out of KOTOR, but with absolute batshit shenanigans the entire time.

To infiltrate the Sith Enclave on Taris, they dress up as janitors. Zaalbar's uniform looks like shorts and a crop top, Carth is wearing a bad fake mustache and T3 is disguised as a trash can. They're only meant to be a distraction (Mission is in the vents, because she's the only one that fit and she really wanted to). It works, but not how they intended. No one looks at them twice.

The robot custodian in the Dantooine Star Forge temple? They respond to its questions with exceedingly crazy but technically correct answers. Eventually the poor thing gets so confused it just lets them through.

The murder investigation on Manaan plays out like a bad episode of the Pink Panther cartoon. Their primary investigating techniques include doing shots with witnesses until they spill their life story (Zaalbar and oddly Juhani have the best alcohol tolerance), and standing in the courtyards to alternately yell "Fuck Elassa" and "Fuck Sunry". Whoever responds with "amen" gets tracked down and questioned. Three people have a different definition of "fuck ___". Revan arrests them anyway.

Revan and the Crew, instead of pretending to be students in the Sith Academy when asked what they're doing there, panic and pretend they're from "the union". It plays out exactly like that one scene from Shrek. It spirals and they end up leading a workers revolution Somehow, by the end of it, they've founded a functioning, sovereign nation, of which Dustil has been voted leader of. His first act is to banish Carth. Carth is very sad about it. Revan is still welcome, because she’s weirdly become something like a beloved stepmom. No one understands it. Everyone but Carth thinks it’s hilarious.

When Malak reveals Revan was a Sith Lord, all of them collectively decide to gaslight the shit out of him. Dude, Revan has always been [whatever her fake name is]. They’ve known her for years. “Are you sure you have the right person? What do they look like, maybe we can help you find them–”

“What? It’s... it's literally you. You look just like her.”

“Wow man that’s crazy”

“If you wanna eat my heart, if you wanna eat Carth’s heart–“

“Don’t bring me into this–“

“–If you wanna eat BOTH our hearts, turn on that lightsaber.”

Revan:

dynamic duo platonic head kiss

made for a holiday exchange! for @24hrsoda