✨Redheadspark✨

He knew what you were going through since you two talked a week prior about how you were wishing to leave The Pitt, how it was making you suffer, and feel like drowning. He wanted to help you, to take away the pain that you were feeling. Yet you were stubborn in your ways, telling him that it was going to be fine and you could handle it until something new came along.

Not this, not you being yelled at. By his best friend, no less. Jack saw red.

He walked in the pouring rain with his hood over his head, his eyes zoned on the double doors that were in the ambulance bay. His walk was strong and almost menacing; he wasn’t there for pleasantries. He had a mission, and nothing was going to stop him as the doors slid open. Jack walked in, shoving the hoodies off his head and lining up a few times to get his eyes used to the fluorescent lights above him. If it were any other time, he would be okay coming into the Pitt. Seeing the familiar Night Shift, the crew and coworkers that he’s known for some time, and would defend with all his might.

They were looking at him now as if he were about to commit murder. He was,

Ellis was at the nurses' station, her face looking so concerned as both Lena and Dana were there talking to her in hushed tones. Some of the Day Shift doctors were still there: Santos, Whittaker, and Mel. They looked at Jack with wide eyes and immediately ducked their heads and scattered. Jack glared and scanned the room, trying to find the one person he wanted to have choice words with. Dana moved first, seeing Jack and gliding from behind the counter to him. She stood in front of Jack, though Jack was still looking. He wanted to find one person, and the look on his own face showed that he was not to be fucked with.

“Jack,” Dana said his name once, though Jack inhaled sharply, “Hey!”

He looked at her with a tone in her voice, she scanned his eyes, and gave him a knowing look.

“He’s not here.”

Jack saw she was telling the truth, her eyes going down and seeing fists at both of his sides. He was stiff and bored, his fists were so tight that veins were popping out, and even his eyes were darker. It didn’t matter that he was soaked from the rain and looked like a wet dog. Dana was drinking in the sight of him as she sighed and placed her hands on her hips.

“I take it Shen told you?” Dana asked, and Jack looked back at her sternly.

“He told me everything,” Jack said in a low tone. Dana hummed as he spoke again, “Where did—“

“He went to the roof,” Dana answered before Jack could finish the question. Jack closed his mouth, nodding slowly as Dana took a hesitant step toward him, “He knew he was in deep shit after what he did.”

“Dana,” Jack said her name slowly, Dana stopped talking as he kept his glare on her, “He had no fucking right. Not at all,”

“No, he didn’t,” Dana agreed, nodding in agreement as she held up her hands to show she was on his side, “What he did, what he said, was inappropriate and wrong. Beyond wrong, especially to her. Of all people, she wouldn’t hurt a fly,”

“I wanna kill him,” Jack growled. Dana saw the hurt and rage in his tone and saw it in his eyes as she breathed out slowly, ready to try to calm him down.

“Jack..” She said his name, almost hurt herself as he shook her head.

“He’s been after her for two fucking months, Dana. He may be going through shit, but he went after her,” Jack said in a low tone. A few nurses and residents were attempting to listen in on the conversation, but to no avail. Dana looked back, seeing those who were attempting to eavesdrop scatter away within seconds. She grabbed his arm, making him move along with her as they moved to a private patient room that was not being used. Jack went willingly, knowing he was still enraged with what happened to you, but he knew Dana was not the issue. He had too much trust and respect for her as both a Charge Nurse and as a friend.

Before Dana could get Jack into a room, someone was waving their hand near the Break Room and Lockers. They both looked, seeing it was Shen.

“Abbot! Here!” 

Jack moved away from Dana, who followed him as Jack moved swiftly. He dodged doctors and nurses that were in the way; his own goal and motive were right there. Nothing was going to stop him as he finally reached Shen. Shen looked relieved to see him, but that sunny disposition that he also had was long gone.

“She’s in there,” Shen explained as Jack placed a hand on the door, “No one went in after her, I swear.”

“I told the entire floor to give her space,” Dana added in. Jack looked at both of them. He wanted to smile, thank them both for helping and protecting you. He knew he could trust them with you with something like this. Shen was his right-hand man during the Night Shift, and Dana was fierce as a Charge Nurse. They both loved you as a co-worker and friend; they would never dare to be against you or Jack as a friend.

“Jack,” Dana said calmly, Jack locking eyes with her as she placed a hand on his arm, “Take her home. I’m about to head out, but I know Lena has everything squared away for the next 12 hours. I mean this nicely, but we don’t need you,” She paused as she gestured to the closed door. “She needs you.”

“We got this, Jack,” Shen reassured Jack, “I can take care of everything tonight, promise. Just take care of her at home, yeah? Text me if you two need anything.”

Jack nodded slowly, and both Shen and Dana walked away to leave Jack. Jack took in a long breath, no longer thinking of Robby and that anger that was festering inside of him. He was thinking of you, your sweet face and eyes, your kind voice, the beautiful spirit you had that was crushed not even an hour ago.

Jack leaned in a bit, hearing nothing for a moment. It made him worry, but then he heard sniffling.

His heart broke: you were crying.

“Sweetheart?” Jack said against the door, his voice floated in the air as the sniffling stopped. He took it as a good sign as he spoke again, “I wanna come in. Is that okay?”

A pause for a few long seconds, then a muffled, “Please,”

Jack swiftly opened the door, closing it behind him to not let the sounds of the Pitt flood in. It was soft and quiet in the room, the lights were dimmed down as Jack looked around for any sign of you. He only saw the line of lockers on one end, the open space on the floor in front of him, but no sign of you. He worried, maybe thinking his eyes were tricked as he heard you again. Sniffling to his right. He walked in a bit, his eyes moving over to the source.

There you were, legs to your chest, and perched on a chair near the table against the wall.

Jack’s heart shattered from the sight of you: cheeks wet from tears, your hair framing your face to hide away from the rest of the world. Your eyes swollen and red, your legs tucked so tight against your chest, it was like you were trying to fold yourself in half. Your fingers were gripping your legs so tightly that your knuckles were white. You looked like a spooked animal. 

Your eyes locked on Jack’s, and within seconds, you were crying again.

“Baby,” Jack said in a mournful tone, gliding over to you. You reached out your hands to him as you cried. Jack pulled you up to tuck you into his arms. You dug your face into his shirt, clinging to him tightly as he wrapped his arms around you. One of his hands cradled the back of your head, his head pressed against your hair as he simply held you. He could feel you shaking, yet he stayed still and tried to be an anchor for you.

He hated this, as much as he wanted to find Robby and strangle him for what he did, he needed to find a way to have you heal. This was not you: you were kind and filled with optimism. You were driven and sweet to every person and patient. The person he was holding seemed like a lost soul, someone who had lost their way. Jack knew deep down he had to help you find your way back.

But for now, he held you.

After a few long minutes, your cries were gentle and turned back into sniffles again. You blinked, attempting to move away and look up at Jack as he framed your face within his calloused palms. You felt him brush away your tears lovingly as he leaned over to kiss the top of your head.

“Shen called and told me what happened,” Jack mumbled against your forehead, you finally noticing that he was wearing a rain-soaked jacket. You looked at him in shock as Jack could tell you were about to argue with him. Whether it was how he came to you in the pouring rain, or just coming to you in general. Jack shook his head; he could already tell you were about to say something that was not part of the current situation.

“I’m more worried about you and what happened,” Jack said in a loving tone, ”I’m so, so sorry, honey. That should not have happened the way it did.”

You said nothing, reaching to grab his jacket within your fingers and keep him close, though you knew he wasn’t going to go anywhere. Jack took in the sight of you, how you were barely standing on your own two feet. Jack could not have imagined how it all happened; he only knew so much of what Shen told him on the phone. But in the end, he only wanted to focus on you. Your scrubs disheveled, your hair messy, even. Small cut on your palm.

“Come on, I’m taking you home,” He urged, rubbing your arms quickly as he then moved to grab your stuff from your shared locker, “I’ll order us something to eat from our favorite Italian place. You and I will head home, we’ll eat it all, even put on one of those reality shows that you try to make me watch with you, okay?”

You are watching him in silence as he empties out your belongings in the locker, seeing him grab some of your spare clothes, you stare away, and the snacks you stashed in there too. Seeing that was a reality check for you: this was no longer your workplace. That locker was no longer yours; this was no longer your break room.

You felt like a stranger there.

Jack got everything out, all but the one Polaroid of the pair of you. He paused, seeing the picture, not noticing you were looking too. You remembered the day you took that picture, thinking it was corny but cute. Jack’s lips on your cheek, his eyes crinkled in a smile as you were laughing. It was right after you two started dating, going out with the Night Shift crew at a local diner to get breakfast together. You kept it, placing it in the locker to remind yourself every day why you came to work.

Wanting to work with the love of your life.

Jack slammed the locker door shut as he walked over, your bag in hand, and reached out for you to lace your fingers with his.

“Let’s go home,” he hummed. 

You both walked out of the Pitt and under the Ambulance Bay overhead, the rain pouring down left and right as Jack fished out his keys from his pockets. His other hand had your bag within his fingers as he handed you the keys to his truck.

“Here, go start the car, and I’ll meet you,” He instructed you as he placed his keys in your hands. “I’ll be right back. I need to clear some things.”

“Jack,” you said, feeling like he was about to do something that was deemed crazy. You were thinking of the worst, that Jack was going to be consumed with violence or anger. That side of Jack was something buried for some time, thanks to therapy and dealing with it in a healthy manner. You would hate for him to throw all the hard work away in a moment.

“I won’t be long,” He reassured you, seeing the look of conflict on your face. He leaned over to kiss your cheek lovingly, as if sealing your love on his skin, “Please, get in my truck.”

“What about my car?” You asked.

“We’ll get it tomorrow. Hell, I’ll have Shen drive it to the house,” He answered. He then handed you your bag and walked away before you could say anything else. You stood there for a moment, your bag in one hand and his truck keys in another. Taking a shaky breath, you gazed back at the Ambulance Bay doors. It was the last time you’d walk in there as an Attending, and part of your heart broke.

But it was healing already.

Your heart was healing as you sped walk through the rain and into Jack’s truck. You rested your head against the window and felt so tired already from all the crying you were doing.

Your heart was healing as Jack joined you 5 minutes later, seeing you were about to pass out as he drove you two home. He kept looking at you every few seconds as he drove carefully, seeing that you were silent and drinking in all that happened. His spare hand was on your thigh, showing you quietly he was there.

Your heart was healing as you two walked up to your place, side by side. Jack made you shower as he ordered your favorite meal from the same restaurant he took you on your first date as a couple. You washed away the pain, the bitterness, all of it went down the drain.

After being in fresh clothes and diving into lasagna and a shrimp scampi pasta, Jack held you close in your shared bed as you fell asleep. The raindrops dancing on the windowsill in a pattering rhythm to lull you to sleep like a lullaby, the worn t-shirt you wore used to be Jack’s during his time in Medical School was almost a source of comfort for you.

He watched, as if on guard, as you fell asleep. His fingers were stroking your hair as sleep won the battle and you drifted into a dreamless sleep. He felt like he had to protect you, and he was going to. Jack’s one fixed point in that moment was you.

You had no idea what happened when he walked back into the Ambulance Bay.

How he found Robby towards the Back of the Pitt, afraid to show his face. How he was so tempting to give Robby every single shred of anger that he felt inside for what happened to you because of Robby. But in the end, he thought of you. Waiting for him in his truck.

He gave Robby one look, a look he rarely gave. It was simple, and it was effective.

You and I are not good. Don’t come near me.

Jack’s phone rang, making Jack look up from his spot on the couch to look at the coffee table to read who it was. The name illuminated: Dana.

Jack grabbed it, hitting the green button and then the speaker.

“Heya Dana,”He sounded rough, placing the book he was attempting to read on the couch as he was focused on the phone in his hand,

“Heya, Jack. I wanted to check in on our girl. How’s she doin'?” Dana’s voice floated in the air from the speaker. Jack hummed, getting up from the couch to poke his head in your shared bedroom. He saw you still curled up under the blanket he threw on you, deeply asleep and clutching your body pillow like a lifeline.

“Still asleep. She’s been out for 3 hours,” Jack replied as he closed the door to give you privacy. He walked back to the couch to sit again, rubbing his leg where the stump was against his prosthetic.

“When she wakes up, tell her I’m thinkin’ of her, as if the rest of the crew. I’m gonna bring over some of my Chicken Noodle Soup, made from scratch. It’ll knock your socks out,” Dana explained as Jack hummed.

“That’s kind of you, but—“ Jack was about to argue with her since it felt like it would be too much trouble on Dana’s end.

“But nothin’, Jack. She’s still one of us in our eyes. We wanna help if we can. I already talked to Lena and Ellis. They wanna help you, and you’re gonna let ‘em, got it?”

Jack knew never to mess with Dana and what she wanted to do. He liked that about her and admired that as a Charge Nurse. Jack had a hard time letting others in and letting them help him when times were tough. He was worse in the earlier years when he was dealing with his PTSD and losing his wife.

But then you came along, and you chiseled away the shield he had. Showing him it was okay to let others in, to have others help in a crisis. You helped him with no hesitation and with no need to think twice. He wore down on the notion over time, thankfully, and now he has more support than he thought.

“Yes, ma’am,” he hummed. He felt her pause on the other end, as if something was on her tongue and she wanted to say it so badly.

“Jack,” She said, her voice a pinch softer as Jack shifted on the couch, “I wanted to talk to you about what happened with Robby—“

“Dana, I don’t really wanna talk about him,” Jack said calmly, though the mention of Robby seemed to make him feel agitated again.

“I know,” Dana commented, “But I have to tell ya what happened after you left.”

Jack breathed out slowly. Dana was coming from a good place; she was not an enemy to Jack nor to you. Jack trusted Dana, both in medicine and as a friend. Dana was good to you; she helped you out in times of need, and she was ecstatic when you and Jack became a couple. So Jack knew that whatever Dana was going to say, she was going to come from a safe place.

“Robby left right after you left. He looked like he saw a fucking ghost and more,” Dana explained as Jack kept quiet, “He…He left her badge on the counter before he ran off. I made sure Shen got it before it got out, so he can give it to her.”

Jack said nothing, trying to picture the one sold friend he had in The Pitt in a positive light. Robby was in some kind of darkness that was now affecting the others around him, including you. Jack saw him snap at Dana, Langdon, even at some of the better Residents and higher-ups. He tried to reason with Robby, giving him tips and resources that could help him.

But now that you had been screamed at by Robby, Jack had to place distance between himself and his friend.

“Lena called me and told me that HR came down. They got wind of what happened,” Dana explained, Jack scrunching his nose in confusion.

“How did they find out?” Jack asked in utter confusion. Dana paused for a second or two.

“I called and told them,”

Jack sat up a bit, his back stiff from the three words. He was shocked, and Dana made it sound so casual.

“What Robby did was unacceptable and unethical,”Jack heard Dana say on the other end, “She did nothing to receive that kind of hate from Robby. I had to say something, there was no way I was gonna let it slide,” 

Jack tapped his fingers on his thigh in a constant rhythm. Just thinking about HR needing to come down to The Pitt, which on any other day would be a headache, seemed more serious. Of course, HR was a headache already, too much paperwork for Jack to deal with. But for Dana to call them? That seemed far too heavy.

“Dana—“ Jack started, but Dana gently interrupted her again.

“I had to report it, Jack. I don’t care if he’s going through something in his life, something bitter and dark. What he did to her was not right at all,” Dana went on. He could tell the waver in her voice, how she, too, was trying to hold it. All Jack could do was nod, even when no one was there to see it.

“Now, enough about Robby. I know she was considering taking another position at the hospital,” Dana stated, “I didn’t want to be nosy and go ask my nursing buddies if they heard anythin'—“

“She got the job, Dana.”

You found out after taking your shower, waiting for dinner to be delivered. Jack handed you the envelope wth your name on it. You took it carefully and with shaky fingers. He had a feeling what it was, but he wanted you to read it yourself. Watching you carefully rip the top of the envelope, he sat on the opposite side of the table as your eyes scanned the words there.

Your eyes went wide, your breath lost on your lips, and Jack knew then and there that it was the job offer.

“I knew it!” Dana said in a cheer, Jack cracking a smile for the first time. He remembered seeing your face light up from reading the letter and job offer attached. He moved over to gather you in his arms, kissing your face over and over and telling you how proud he was. He heard your heart soaring out of your chest, the small glimpse of hope and happiness was there after a shitty day.

“I had a feeling she was gonna nail it!” Dana said in glee as Jack softly laughed. It felt odd to laugh after what happened, but he had to. He was still happy that your life was changing in the best way, a flicker of light after shadowing darkness.

“They said she can start next week,” Jack explained to Dana, “She was gonna call them and say she’ll start tomorrow, but I talked her off that ledge.”

You were relieved that you got the job, shocked but relieved. As much as a shitty night you were having, your mind was reeling with this new job that landed in your lap. Yet it was Jack who came in swiftly and reminded you that you may need a few days off to rest and reset. He could tell you were going to give him pushback, but the look Jack gave you was enough for you to relent. Your new job was ready for you the following week, the pay was a pinch better, and the hours were more tolerable.

“I take it you’re gonna use some vacation time too?” Dana asked, almost in a coy tone. Jack had to smile at how Dana asked him.

“I have enough to have me be out for a month,” Jack replied, Dana, chuckling.

“I shouldn’t have asked since you never take a vacation,” Dana commented. “Well, give her my best. I’ll make sure to tell Shen you’re gonna use your vacation hours. I just wanted to check in on you two. Give her my best and let me know if she needs anything,”

“Thanks, Dana,” Jack thanked her.

“Not at all. Take care of our girl, will ya?” 

Jack hung up and placed his phone on the coffee table again, right next to your new job offer. He got up from the couch again, turning off lights as he went to make the area dark and dim. Checking his watch, it was nearly midnight, Jack rubbed his face in exhaustion as he finally decided to call it a night. He could wash the dishes in the morning, take care of the laundry, and do the list of things he was going to do on his day off.

In the end, there was one thing on his mind.

One person.

Slipping back into the bedroom, he walked over to sit on the side of the bed and take off his prosthetic. You were still deeply asleep, though your face looked a bit calmer and more at ease as Jack made his way into the bed to be next to you. He tucked his nose against your neck, his arms gently touching along your arms, not wishing to fully engulf you but to show you that he was there.

His phone, left on the coffee table illuminated with Robby’s name as he tried to call again. And Again. And again. But Jack fell asleep with you in his arms; nothing else mattered to him.

Within two weeks, he would see you at your new job on the 3rd floor, looking brighter and happier than ever. He would pop in on his lunch breaks to say hello and spend time with you, seeing that you are already making friends with the other attending and nurses. Thankfully, you two would still work nights, so you’d comment together hand in hand as he’d walk you to work before going to The Pitt.

But for now, he held you, promising to bring you happiness again when it was almost snuffed out of you.

The End

You sighed and rubbed your face, seeing your boyfriend look down at your job application in his hands. His glasses balanced on his nose, he barely blinked as his eyes scanned the paper thoroughly. You were sitting across from him, legs crossed, with a look of uncertainty as you waited to hear the reaction of your boyfriend, Jack Abbot.

You could tell he was reading every word in the way his eyes scanned slowly, and his face stayed cool and collected. He had the same face when he was on the floor at the ER: assertive and present. He knew how to read a room and body language on anyone in any situation, having been in the military and volunteering with SWAT. He read you like a book when he saw you at the coffee table at your shared home, application in front of you, and pencil in hand. He came out of a stressful 12-hour shift, ready to tell you all that happened since it was your day off. But as soon as he saw you and the look in your eyes, Jack knew something was up.

You told him about transferring out of the Pitt. 

Jack placed the application down, the paper floating to the end table next to you both. You were perched at the reading nook next to the window, the sun rays of the new morning seeping in already, as Jack was perched in your reading chair that you’d use constantly. He watched you silently for a moment, you seeing the wheels turning in his head as you drew your legs up to your chest.

“Please say something,” you asked him quietly, not liking that Jack was this silent. You two have been dating for several months, building a solid relationship together when you came in as a new Attending. He was always an intriguing person, likable and assertive on the outside, while he controlled the Night Shift. But inside, as you got to know him, you saw tenderness and a hard exterior protecting something soft and fragile. Your work relationship morphed into friendship, which blossomed into something more.

After months of dating and getting to know each other, you could read each other quite well. Jack knew when you were stressed or anxious, when you were giggly and joyful. On the other hand, you knew when Jack was in a serious mood at work and when he was playful and aloof. Jack knew you liked having cream in your coffee when his was straight black coffee. You knew Jack loved reading biographies when you were prone to fiction and fantasy. Jack cheered you on when you ran in 10k’s and half marathons, you accompanied him to his physical therapy meetings, and when he had a meeting with his therapist to deal with his PTSD.

You both loved sleeping in, going on dates in hole-in-the-wall places every Tuesday night, holding each other close during movies, and bringing each other peace.

“What are you thinking?” You asked, tilting your head at him as he hummed and watched you for a brief moment. He then sat up a bit, reached over to place his hands on your tucked legs to bring you some comfort. It was hard not to know what Jack was thinking in that moment, since he had just realized that you were asking to transfer out of the Pitt.

Out of the Night Shift with him. 

“I’m thinking…” he paused, his fingers along the sweats you were wearing, “That you are making the right choice,”

You looked at him in shock, seeing that his eyes were on you lovingly. This was not what you were thinking his reaction would be. In fact, after getting the job application from HR hours before, you were petrified about telling Jack . He was the one person you were afraid to tell, not that you were afraid to tell him anything else in your life.  Jack has seen more than his fair share of woes and tragedies when it came to the medical field and being out in the field as the medic on SWAT. Even more so when he was active in the military, but he always knew to stay calm and never show his emotions. Not when it was necessary, he rarely showed his emotions when it was time to work or save lives.

“What?” You asked in shock, Jack remaining calm as his fingers still brushed against your sweatpants in front of your shin. He was thinking hard, maybe still registering what he was going to tell you, but you heard him correctly. Some small part of you was hoping that he would ask you, maybe beg you, to rethink your decision and wish to stay on as a fellow attending with him.

“You’re making the right choice,” he said again, his voice calm and soothing as he kept his eyes on you. He looked calm about it, and you were inwardly trying to peel away any reservations of walls he might have up with this news you gave him. You loved Jack; he was one of the main reasons you stayed where you were at PTMC. He kept you sane, made the shifts that seemed long tolerable, and you two were a dream team when it came to being Attendings. Yet now, now he was saying that you wishing to leave was a good idea?

“Honey,” he said to you, sitting up a bit more to then have his fingers dance over to where your hand was against your leg.  He laced your fingers together, feeling so gentle with his fingers and palm, “I know you haven’t been happy in the ER,”

You stayed quiet, keeping your eyes on Jack as he hesitated for a brief moment. Something about his pausing made you worried a bit more as he shifted in his spot in the chair.

“You haven’t been yourself in the past two months,” he explained, keeping your hands joined, “That spark you had, it’s not as bright as it used to be.  You’re a badass attending, and I know you’re better than me when it comes to stuff we deal with in the ER.  You’re strong, tough as nails, calm under pressure, but I know you’re going at it 150% with no sign of slowing down.”

You thought back to those moments. Running on fumes and bad coffee merely to go from task to task. Your energy was draining slowly but surely, and not even a good night’s sleep could help. You are constantly moving, walking from one end of the ER to the next with no signs of slowing down.

Jack would see you collapse as soon as you made it home, scrubs still on, and passed out in bed. It pained him to see you running on fumes and still pushing on. Sure, he did it too, but it was worse when he saw you doing it to yourself.

“You’ve skipped meals while on shift,” He kept going,”Ever after I told you to eat, you’d forget. Your mind was always buzzing and not slowing down, and small mistakes you’d never make are happening on your watch.” 

Another set of flashbacks appeared. You were sitting in the break room zoning out as your lunch was untouched, your mind was going 100 miles per hour as your face showed you were disassociating in the moment. You forget a few things on a chart or simple protocol, feeling rather foolish when corrected.

It was all making sense, and Jack was laying it out between you.

“I didn’t want to say anything because it’s your life,” Jack hummed, you seeing his eyes going soft as he scooted the chair a bit closer to rest his cheek along your joined hands in front of your legs. You looked down at him, seeing how he was truthful and almost hurt in what he was telling you, “I would never want to tell you how to live your life.  You are a strong, badass woman. You command a room with a simple sentence and look. I fell in love with that woman, but I’m seeing that same badass woman lose her spark.”

You looked down, feeling deflated as Jack tutted.  Reaching up with a spare hand, he placed his crooked finger under your chin to look at him again.

“I don’t wanna see the woman I love suffer when she should be happy,” he reasoned, his finger against your chin rubbing it soothingly, “I love you, and I want you to be happy wherever you work.  If you’re not happy in the ER, I don’t want you there,”

A small tear escaped your eye, but Jack caught it before you could wipe it away.  He always wanted you happy; he thrived on seeing you happy.  You brought him a spark, something Jack thought he had lost for some time. He wasn’t in a great place for a minute, though he pushed his woes and burdens to the side when he was in The Pitt.  Jack swore off dating after he lost his wife a few years earlier. Love was not in the cards for him, not after becoming a widow. He even made peace with it, being alone and trudging on in life.

But there you were, waltzing in his life with a match to light against the powder keg that was his own life. An explosion of emotions erupted in Jack when you came in: Joy, happiness, passion, peace, and most of all, love.

You molded into his life and along his heart, which scared Jack so badly. Yet he wouldn’t trade it for anything or anyone; you were too important for him to lose. He thought it was an added bonus that you two worked together, side by side. You both knew to keep it professional when you were in the clock, there was no time to have a moment or two together since it was always chaotic and always busy. But it never bothered either one of you, really, helping each other with more complex cases and with patients who were hanging between life and death. Jack was a great attending himself, seeing more horror back in the military and even out in the streets with SWAT.

He would watch you as you would work with a patient, seeing tenderness on your face that matched your soothing tone to calm an anxious patient. When it came to being tough, you had no issue with that. The Residents have seen you stand ten toes down and keep your ground against ill-tempered patients or cocky workers who tried to move your flow.

He even heard at one time Santos saying under her breath, “She’s the female version of Abbot….it’s freaky. No wonder they’re perfect for one another.”

Perfect for each other. Jack knew that deep down.

“What are you thinking?” Jack asked you, seeing your eyes still so soft and yet far away. He didn’t like that look; he wanted to find any way to fix it.

“I love what I do,” You explained softly, Jack slowly shifting up from the chair to sit opposite you on the bench. He moved your legs to drape over his lap, his fingers moving to massage your calves as his attention stayed on you while you spoke, “I love helping people, healing people. Giving them a second chance at life.”

“You’re damn good at it,” Jack agreed, “Better than me.”

“Jack,” You said his name sadly, but he shook his head.

“You love what you do, but….” He paused for you to add on.  You inhaled sharply, looking out the window and seeing some clouds rolling in to bring in the coming storm that was due to be in town for the next few days.

“I can’t be down there in the chaos anymore,” You admitted, the feeling of heavy weight against your chest and shoulder lifted slightly. You were burdened in thinking that you shouldn’t leave, that the ER was a place that needed you and all you could give. As the months went by, you didn’t see the signs or feel it. The burnout, the guilt, the shame, the uncertainty of leaving a shift. Now that you were sitting across from the love of your life, hearing him show the evidence and examples of your suffering, it was a bitter taste of reality. 

“It’s too much sometimes, everything happening all at once. I thought it was a normal thing, but it’s harder and harder during the shift,” You explained to Jack, his fingers still working along your calves but with gentleness, “It doesn’t help that Robby breathes down my neck and assumes that I’m a perfectionist.”

Jack paused at the mention of his best friend. You were cordial with Robby, considering him a friend since you met him through Jack. Robby was the head of the Day Shift when Jack was the head of the Night Shift; you merely worked with Jack since you were a Night Shift Attending. But there were overlaps working alongside Robby, and when Jack was a cool and elective Attending, Robby was more authoritative and by-the-book. You’ve seen him get in boss mode from time to time; he was damn good at his job.

But the last few months, Robby was on edge.

Everyone sensed it on the floor, how his shoulders were hunched up and how he would snap back quickly with a question. You saw it over the lap of Day to Night Shift, the exhaustion on Robby’s face, and the look of defeat when he would walk out to his motorcycle.  His tone started to be clipped, giving instructions and protocol; his walk was stiff, going from room to room. It got to the point where both noses and Residents were walking on eggshells with him, and no one was safe.

Not even you.

You were human, as was everyone else in The Pitt. No one was perfect, no one was God. But Robby would reprimand you with the smaller incidents and corrections with a bite in his tongue and a stern look. He wasn’t like that before when you first started working together; he was calmer and kinder. You knew he was harboring something deep that was eating away inside of him. At first, you thought he was under stress and was simply letting it out, not taking it personally. You had a thick skin, thicker than most on the floor during a long 12-hour shift. But it was starting to get to you, making you guess what you were doing and making your mind play tricks on you.

Jack saw it too, what was going on with Robby and his own demons. He knew Robby for some time, and he knew the PTSD Robby had to go through because of the Pandemic. He saw death in front of him and had to trek on, almost numbed to the mind. Jack saw the symptoms of PTSD since he lived it too, and he tried to be there for Robby as much as he could while being an arm’s length away.

But he also saw Robby slowly losing it in the last few months, which led Robby to go on a sabbatical for a month. Maybe it was a sign for Robby to get a grip on reality to find himself again, but Jack was glad Robby was going to be taking care of himself. Though he was worried about the signs that he saw in his best friend.Signs of depression, of anxiety.

Of suicide.

“He’s going through shit right now,” Jack hummed, your eyes snapping to him within a second as he sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, “It’s not an excuse, but I know he’s battling somethin’. But I don’t like how he….how he talks to you sometimes,”

“I’m trying not to let it bother me,” You started to explain to him, but Jack shook his head as he placed his hands on your legs. Almost grounding you in the moment as you were leaning against the window frame, “But it’s too much. He’s hurting, and he’s making a lot of people suffer because of it.”

Jack knew you were telling the truth. Robby was a good soul, but he was bumped and bruised. Jack could give him all the advice and counsel he could, plenty of tips and tricks he learned in therapy. But Robby was stubborn and set in his ways. Jack was, too, but Robby’s stubbornness was bitter and almost laced with anger.

“I’m gonna turn in the application tomorrow before we clock in for work,” you hummed to Jack, seeing him nod his head.

“Want me to go with you?” He asked, you softly smiling at him as he reached out to lace your fingers together. You were always his rock when he had dark moments. He would hold your hand like a lifeline when he needed it the most, both in the good times and bad. Holding your hand brought him peace, brought him a small dose of ecstasy, but most of all, it anchored him and brought him back to Earth when he would slip away within his own mind.

“You don’t have—“You were about to argue with Jack, but he shook his head.

“I wanna go,” he stated, your mouth going closed as he gave you a reassuring glance, “You know I am behind you with any of your choices, 100%. If this will make you happy, then I’m gonna support you.” 

“Thank you, Jack. I mean, I’m just turning it in. I doubt they’ll hire me,” you mumbled. Jack rolled his eyes as he squeezed your joined hands.

“Are you kidding? Of course, they’re gonna hire you! You’re one of the best Attendings in that place, they’d be idiots if they don’t!” Jack complimented you. He saw you faintly blush. Jack’s smile grew as he moved your joined hands to his lips for him to kiss your hand, “There’s that smile I love. Honey, they’re gonna hire you, and it’s gonna work out. You have amazing references, too. I’ll put in a good word if I need to,”

“That would be inappropriate, “ You advise him, though he rolled his eyes, “Jack, I think it would be inconvenient for you to vouch for your girlfriend,”

“I happen to know a few people in the department you’re wanting to work in,” Jack reminded you, “They’re a solid group of doctors and nurses. And who knows, Dana can put in a good word. She adores you. But you won’t need us, they’ll hire you in a second,”

Jack saw you pause and think to yourself for a moment. He hummed, opening his arms for you as he grinned, “Come here, sweetheart.”

You moved smoothly, molding against his chest as his arms went around you. Breathing in the small hint of cologne that was left on his shirt and the fabric softener you used in the laundry. His arms were protecting you, keeping you close and bringing you peace again. You loved being in his arms, whether it was a gentle hug or a hug of passion. But his hugs were always meaningful and deep, always filled to the brim with hope and stability.

“As much as I hate that I won’t work with you anymore…”Jack started.

“They probably won’t hire me—“ You were about to argue, but Jack huffed.

“They’re going to,” He gently interrupted. You closed your mouth as he stroked your arms with his fingers, “Like I was saying, it won’t be the same without you by my side on the floor. Mostly to calm my crazy ass down and reel me in,”

You laughed, Jack, kissing the top of your head.

“But in any case, I’m happy you’re doing what is right for you,” He explained, “I’ve seen some of the best nurses and Doctors burn out far too fast before they could stop themselves. I almost did a few times; it’s not pretty or healthy. This job is brutal and consuming, and I don’t want you in that if it means you’re gonna suffer.”

You knew there was an undertone in what he said; you’ve known him long enough. Jack was blunt in what he spoke about, but he also had hidden meanings. It was in his nature; he was a layered person and rarely showed it to others. But you picked up the mannerisms quickly from the moment you two grew close as friends and then started dating.

Jack had a protective streak about him with those he was close to. Once you were orbiting his life, at first as his friend, he considered you someone to keep his eye on. Simple things, walking a foot behind you when you would assist a patient or deal with an agitated patient, a hand on your lower back when you two would navigate a crowded space, his eyes constantly on you when you were far enough away from him. It was his instinct, his second nature, to look out for you when he knew damn well you were no damsel in distress. You were a lioness in his eyes.

But you were his.

“It’s gonna work out, okay?” Jack said against your forehead as he pressed a kiss there, his arms going around you a bit tighter as you watched out the window to see the first few raindrops of the storm hit the glass, “I know it’ll work out. And I’ll be right next to you with every step, okay?”

“Okay.” You whispered, and you believed him.

1 Week Later

It should have been a sign that your Night Shift was going to be hell when you walked through the Ambulance Bay doors into the ER. Rain is pouring down like crazy, already soaking you through your jacket with your hoodie over your head. Thankfully, the employee parking garage was not far from a walk to the hospital, so you waltzed right through the double doors. Thunder clapped over the hospital, the cars rolling by and splashing the sidewalk gave you an insight into possible car accidents that night on your shift. But you still held some form of optimism about the 12 hours in front of you.

You kissed Jack’s cheek as you slipped out the door, Jack having the evening off and attempting to get some rest at your shared place. This was the first time he had had a day off in about three weeks, since the Night Shift was always slammed and he was constantly needed. But you were the next best attending to be in charge in Jack’s absence, having the most experience behind Jack and knowing how to keep the floor running with ease and precision.Dr. Shen and Dr. Ellis, as well as the other Night Shift crew, all knew how you worked, and they didn’t mind following your lead.

Yet as you drove off in the rain, you missed the mailman finally delivering your Mail in your apartment complex. He was delayed because of the storm, though you were already warned by the landlord that the mail would be a bit behind. Jack slipped back into bed after watching you go out the door, sleeping away as the mail was placed through your mail slot.

Within the pile of mail was a specific letter you were waiting for.

But you simply walked into the ER, soaked from the rain and already trying to psych yourself up to have a good shift. You’ve run the circuit without Jack before, you knew how to handle 12 hours and to corral both Attendings and Residents.

The fluorescent lights hit your eyes hard as you were finally engulfed by the sights and sounds of The Pitt. Residents and Nurses from the Day Shift were scrambling left and right, attempting to tie things up before your crew took over. From what you saw with the massive TV screens showing the agenda and the looks on the faces of those working, it was going to be messy trying to jump in. You inwardly sighed, walking up to see the damage while you heard Dana pipe up.

“There’s the ray of sunshine coming in this dreary day!”

Your head snapped over to her, seeing the smile there on her face but also the fatigue. Dana always held it together as a Charge Nurse, you loved seeing her work and keep the Pitt all together. She had years under her belt, and you could go to her for any questions. Lena was just as good on the Night Shift, but there was no one else like Dana.

Yet when you locked eyes with her, you could tell it was a crazy day in the Day Shift. You grinned, walking over to stand in front of her, the countertop being a barrier between you two.

“I take it today was a rough one, Dana?” You asked, Dana dryly chuckled as she had her hands on her hips.

“That’s putting it lightly,” She hummed as an answer as you drummed your fingers on the countertop. “Because of the storm, we had so many patients coming in, it was hard to catch up. We still are catching up, just as a heads up,” 

“Got it,” You replied, pausing for a brief moment as you then raised a brow at her, “Where’s Robby at?”

You saw a small shift in Dana’s eyes at the mention of the Chief of Emergency Medicine. You felt the shift in the air, too, and the fact that it was coming from Dana made you a bit nervous. Sometimes you knew how the Night Shift was going to be based on how the Day Shift ended, and most of the time it was okay, but if the Chief of Emergency Medicine was thrown off, then it was going to be an interesting night.

“He’s still with a trauma patient that’s waiting to head upstairs.It was a nasty car accident collision, almost lost the guy a few times,” Dana explained, “Robby’s taking it a bit hard.Just as a head’s up, he’s hasn’t been himself since the start, and it’s been gettin’ worse as the day went on.So, if I were you, I’d get your debrief from him and steer clear,”

You felt your stomach drop from what she told you. She never steered you wrong or led you astray when it came to being a Charge Nurse. You would test her with anything she would say or inform you, and to hear that Robby was not in the best of moods made you beyond worried. But then again, Robby was not himself for the last month or two. It wasn’t just you that experienced it; other doctors and nurses did too.

But hearing it from Dana, plain and to the point, it was scary.

“Thanks, Dana,” you hummed, seeing her give me her reassuring smile as your eyes drifted over to room 5. Robby was in there, trying to be done with his own shift that was apparently hell. You were scared to simply look at him, to say the wrong thing, which was hurtful since you did consider him a friend at one time. You knew he was kind; he was sarcastic and thorough in his work.

But another side of him was showing, a meaner side.

You walked to the back locker room to drop off your things in your own locker that you and Jack would share. It was one of the bigger ones, and I opened it and saw a Polaroid picture of you and Jack in it. Jack was kissing your cheek, and you were laughing, making your heart flutter from seeing the picture. Of course, you wished Jack were there to be a buffer somehow, but then again, you were telling yourself it was going to be fine. Robby was on his way out the door, you were going to be with your group, your crew, and it was going to be fine.

Yeah, it was going to be fine.

After getting your Stethoscope around your neck and your sneakers adjusted, you looked up your locker and walked out of the Locker Room. You could see Dr. Ellis and Dr. Shen coming in, as well as Matteo. They looked like they were ready for the shift, which gave you some optimism. Throwing your head up in a messy bun and then getting hand sanitizer on your hands to make your way out onto the floor. Ellis and Shen were already being debriefed by Santos and Langdon.

“Dr. Robinavitch,”

Your head snapped over to 12, seeing Robby stalk out as Dr. Shen was walking over to talk to him. You finally saw his face and how it looked: bags under his eyes and the look of pure fatigue along his skin. His hair was shoved down on top of his head, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets to show how stiff his arms were, along with his neck. There were visual signs that you saw: He was not in the best of moods. Even in the look in his eyes, they were no longer light. Dark, dark, and bitter.

“I take it the Day Shift went well?” Dr. Shen asked Robby, " You walking over to stand next to your fellow Attending as Robby huffed. The sigh alone was a sure sign he was not in the best mood.

“As great as it will ever be,” Robby replied, eyeing you then, “Ready for handover?”

“Of course,” You replied, Robby walking along as you and Shen followed him. He gave rundowns for each patient, and you were following along with him as he was being thorough and direct. He was always like this: never vague and knew his medical protocol very well. But this time, something else was laced with his voice and in how he walked. Maybe it was just you seeing it, but with a quick glance from Shen, you realized Shen picked up on it too. As if Robby was not hiding it all.The bite at the end of his sentences, the uneasiness in his eyes.

“A 52-year-old male came in with a concussion and laceration to the skull near the left eye.” Robby went on, you were half-listening with Shen and getting somewhat distracted by how the rest of The Pitt seemed to be. Small clusters of chaos are there, the screen showing all the patients looking rather cluttered. You were trying to read the room, see where you were going to conquer first. Which patient was going to need you or Shen…

“I’m sorry, am I distracting you?”

You snapped back to reality, seeing Robby stop in his tracks to glare at you. His voice was short as you looked at him in bewilderment. Shen looked at you, too, though his eyes were kinder.

“Not at all,” You replied, Robby now having his hands on his hips.

“What did I say then, about the patient in 10?” He asked, almost snippy as he pointed to room 10. You looked, clearly not remembering anything that he said a few minutes ago. Robby saw it in your eyes, scoffing as Shen cleared his throat.

“46-year-old female with abrasions—“ He started to explain for you, but Robby held up a hand to him.

“I wanna hear her,” he snapped at Shen. Shen’s eyes went wide as you glared at Robby.

“Hey, don’t yell at him,” you reasoned, Robby’s eyes going back to you as you pointed at Shen, but you kept your eyes on Robby, “He’s just reminding me what you said is all, okay?”

“Because you weren’t listening to me,” Robby said in a low tone.

“Because I was assessing what was going on in here,” You corrected, seeing him inhale sharply while I went on, “I know you had a rough day shift, Robby. All I was doing was seeing where I was going to go first after the handover—“

“Clearly you’re distracted,” he shot back at you, your mouth closing as he shifted in his stance and zoned in on you as if you were going to be annihilated by his gaze alone. You’ve seen that look with irate or aggressive parents. He was not afraid to hold back when he wanted to make a point. But now it was your turn.

“You’ve been distracted for the past month or two, haven’t you?” He asked, almost in an accusing tone, as you were frozen in your spot, “You messed up so many times that it almost costs patients' lives—“

“Minor mess-ups,” you countered, “So minor they never made a dent in the patient and their care. You know that Robby,”

“Errors all the same. You’re a goddamn Attending, and you need to act like one,” he sneered at you. That armor you had around you cracked a bit from that statement.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, your tone hitched a bit as Shen took a bit closer to you, almost in a defensive manner. 

“Attendings cannot be distracted, they can’t be slacking in their work, and they can’t be trailing behind. You’re all three of them in the past month, and it’s making us look back here in The Pitt,” he went on, you feeling another crack in the armor that you were wearing. You had no choice but to take in all the abuse, letting it hit you like a wave over and over and wear you down.

His voice was rising, and although his focus was on you and you were not moving your eyes away from him, others were picking up on what was happening. Eyes scanned to yours, both patients and doctors. They were seeing Robby lay into you like you were a medical student. Shen carefully took a step behind you, out of your sight. You didn’t see him fish out his phone from his back pocket and start texting away rapidly while keeping his eyes on you.

“I’ve seen you mess up on simple calls and procedures, your supervision over your Residents is slacking, you're letting them run around sometimes as if they don’t know what they’re doing when you’re the one in charge—“ Robby went on, his left hand was now making a fist as you heard a pair of steps coming over from the Nurse’s Station.

“Dr. Robby, I think it’s enough—“ Dr. Ellis was trying to interrupt. You couldn’t help but feel more cracks, which felt like they were getting bigger and bigger now as Robby was almost attempting to put you down to the ground over and over. Like he was trying to bury you. All of those times you went home thinking you weren’t good enough, that you weren’t smart enough, efficient enough, for a place like this. Robby’s voice was hammering in your head as you tried to sleep at night in Jack’s arms. His critiques were eating away at your skin and diving for your bones.

Now it felt like it was putting the nail in your coffin.

“I don’t think I can give a good handover to you when I know how distracted you are to run the Night Shift with no hiccups and no distractions,” he challenged you as he took a step towards you. You took a step back without even realizing it. The sound of Shen typing faster on his phone was heard behind your ear as Robby seemed to be looking over you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw both Dana and Langdon slowly make their way over to you, seeing the look of horror and shock in your eyes as Robby gave the appearance of wanting to rip you in half.

“Maybe it’s because Jack’s not here to run it effectively since he can handle it and you can’t,” Robby stated, and then that did it. The last of your shield was now shattered from the mention of your boyfriend. You were not expecting Robby to mention Jack in such a way that would hurt you. He knew you two were dating; he praised it in the beginning, even. But now, now he made it sound like you were a burden and Jack wasn’t.

“Robby, that’s enough!” Langdon finally said in a boom. Robby stopped abruptly, glaring over at Langdon. His eyes went wide, seeing that every single person in The Pitt was frozen with their eyes locked on him. Shock, disgust, and even some flickers of anger were on their face. 

But it was when Robby looked at you that he truly saw what he did.

Hot tears were on your cheeks, your eyes down to the ground as you looked away from him to the side. How could you let him affect you like this? This was not like you, not at all. You were stronger than this, tougher too.

However, it was a buildup. The buildup of two months that made you cry like this. Of second-guessing, of small mistakes, of being reprimanded over and over as if it was okay to let it happen. It wasn’t. Jack reminded you of that a week ago when you were debating leaving this position.

There you were, crying on the spot.

No one said a word for a few long seconds; your breathing was erratic, as Robby’s stiff stance was constant. As if he was afraid to move from the sight of you crying and not looking him in the eye. But inside, you felt something take place. The wrestling of the choice you wanna make was now clear. Crystal clear. You took in a long breath as you folded your arms in front of you, almost like you were shielding yourself.

The choice was made, and there was no turning back.

“You know what?” You asked bitterly, looking at the window into room 10. Robby didn’t say anything but was still glaring at you as you finally stared back. Your face was stony cold, tears on your cheeks, and your eyes growing dim.

“You’re right,” You said coldly. Robby tilted his head slightly as you inhaled sharply. It felt right to say what you were about to say, how you wanted to crumple into pieces, and yet you stayed upright in front of the man who was giving you grief merely because he was feeling it too.

“I’m not good enough,” you hummed at him, locking eyes with him as he kept to his stance. Dana walked over to place a hand on your hand in hopes of calming you down.

“Let’s take a breath, you have a 12-hour shift to dive into and—“ She stared, but you shook your head.

“No, I don’t.”

Shen, Langdon, and Dana looked at you in shock as you glared at Robby. You grabbed your ID badge that was on your hip, unlatching it from your scrubs, and then clutching it in your hand too tightly, the laminated card cut your palm.

“I’m not up to par with you,” You growled, Robby’s eyes staying on you as you gripped your ID tighter, “I’ll never be up to par with you. You’ve made that clear over the past two months, even right now, before I work on my first fucking patient. I’ll never be good enough, not in your eyes. So fine, you win, Robby.”

You then grabbed Robby’s hand, yanking it towards you, and you then shoved the ID badge, tainted in your blood, on his palm.

“I fucking quit,”

It was like you dropped a bomb in the entire room. No one said a word, gasps were heard, and eyes shot wide open. Suddenly, you felt so many things at once. Relief in finally letting go with the last few strings to have to this job, sadness and defeat in hearing all those things from Robby about you. Pain in how you made yourself stay for far too long and almost burned yourself out for the sake of trying to be enough. Deep down, you were good enough. Jack told you over and over; he engraved it in your psyche. Robby tried to break it away, as he did with others in The Pitt.

You weren’t going to let him.

Shen was calling out your name as you walked away from a stunned Robby. You were walking to the Lockers and the break room. Dana was irate at Robby now, her voice shrill, and the soft sounds of panic were now all over the place. You were tuning them all out, realizing that you just quit your job with no back up plan. You placed your career on hold, probably permanently, simply because you weren’t tough enough.

Once the door of the break room closed behind you, a soft click was heard, and you finally fell to your knees and cried openly. It was all opening inside of you, like a calloused wound that had opened all over again. You felt the heaviness hit you so hard that it was almost impossible to stand back up and to carry on. But the crying was also of relief, relief of setting yourself free of uncertainty and pain that you were attempting to hide away. Nothing else was heard in the room but your tears as you curled up against the lockers.

If only Jack were here to tell you it was okay, to hold you in his arms and bring you peace. You needed him, now more than ever, but you were too busy weeping and crying from the bold act you just committed to reach into your own pocket for your phone.

But it was Shen who did that for you. When Robby was yelling at you, it was Shen texting Jack. Shen telling him that his girlfriend was being yelled at by Jack’s best friend. Shen had loyalty to Jack and to you, he didn’t care if he would be reprimanded by Robby himself.

In his eyes, Robby crossed a line.

You had no idea Jack read the text while drinking his coffee and reading his book in the reading chair; his demeanor went from confusion to red-hot anger.

You had no clue Jack threw on his hoodie and his prosthetic with speed and fury in his eyes, snatching his keys and making his way to his pickup truck parked on the street below.

As you were handing your badge over to Robby, Jack was roaring down the street in his truck with only one person on his mind. 

While you were openly crying on the break room floor, Jack texted Shen with one hand still on the wheel: 

Stay with her and make sure Robby doesn’t come near her. I’m coming right now.

To be Continued...