I guess all I know is this. Two years ago, I couldn’t drive anywhere I had never been without having a little panic attack. One and a half years ago, I was so depressed I actually wanted to die. One year ago, I told God I was going to try living for Him one more time, giving it my absolute everything.
And today, I have been depression free for almost 9 months. I can actually drive places I have never been, and rarely have a driving meltdown. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. I actually feel things. I care about what I say to others. Even though I am very tired, I am happy. I don’t want to die. I feel like a new person; free, and hopeful.
I am not saying that everything is perfect now that I decided to live for God and trust Him to save me. Some days are really difficult. And I mean, I still have loans, I still get periods, I still have to go to work. Haha. :p But things are different, too. I have real hope. I believe that God loves me. I have finally started to trust Him, and I’m letting go of my need to control. My life isn’t perfect, instead, I am learning to accept the way things are, and enjoy where I am at.
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.
