From Bruce

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*16 year old bruce standing in his bathroom holding wax strips* leans close to the camera and whispers : “going to wax my arm pits but I have to be quiet because i dont want Alfred to wake up.”

*bruce applying the wax strip to his arm and then hyping him self to rip it of* mouths: ahh I’m scared.

RIPPPPP!!!!

Bruce Silent: “ahhhhhhhhh” *bruce biting his knuckles to be quiet, his face turning red and tears at the corners of his eyes*

KNOCK KNOCK “master Bruce are you alright in there”

*bruce snatching the phone in a panic and video ending*

From zatanna

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Clark Kent gets hit by a magic spell on a mission and wakes up in the Watchtower as a woman. At first, it’s super weird—his strength is still there, but everything feels off in a way he can’t quite explain. The League tries to help him adjust, promising it’ll wear off in a week, but as the days go by, something shifts.

Being a woman makes Clark see himself differently. Not just in the mirror, but emotionally too—he feels things more sharply, sees how people treat him differently, and starts to connect with parts of himself he always ignored or buried. There’s this weird, quiet sense of rightness in his body that he’s never felt before.

By day five, he doesn’t know if he wants to go back. He’s not sure if he was ever really comfortable as a man or if he was just used to it. Now, with this body, he feels whole in a way that scares him. And it makes everything confusing—his identity, his powers, his relationships, who he is.

When Zatanna tells him the magic is almost ready to reverse, Clark doesn’t know what to say. What if he doesn’t want to go back? What if this is who he was meant to be all along?

Bruce is like, “That one vibrates, that one stretches, that one sucks, and that one? You probably shouldn’t put that in your mouth, but people do anyway.” Meanwhile, Clark is blushing so hard he might actually combust, but he’s also weirdly into it??? Like this man’s holding up a sparkly plug like, “Huh. It’s kind of cute.”

Bruce starts suggesting things like he’s building a starter kit—“You’d probably like this one. Oh, and this—trust me.”

Suddenly there’s a whole basket of stuff. A basket. Of toys. Accessories. Batman and Superman-themed nonsense And a truly alarming amount of lube. Like rainbow flavors. Watermelon, cotton candy, maple syrup. WHY DO THEY NEED THIS MANY OPTIONS?

Superman reading off his phone: “do you wear underwear under your suit or do you just free ball it?.. I actually wear my underwear on the outside of my suit, thought that was pretty obvious.”

Batman reading off his phone*deadpan*: “What cologne do you use because when you saved me the other day you smelt like BDSM on a Sunday morning and I loved it?.. I don’t use cologne.”

Clark: “You should wear that while you’re Batman too, you grind your teeth a lot on patrol.”

Bruce: “I’m not interrogating criminals with a spit-covered retainer. That’s not intimidating.”

And then I imagine one night in the Batcave. Bruce hasn’t moved from his computer in, like three days. He’s deep in detective mode, fully merged with the chair, and everyone’s tried everything to get him to take a break.

So Clark flies up to the roof of the cave, finds the biggest spider he can and just delicately places it right on Bruce’s keyboard.