The underlying desire is to teach self-reliance and personal responsibility but the actual motivation of the Morning List for this indie mama is just a desperate search for some early hour quiet.
I am by nature introverted. I require quiet as much as I need water and sleep in fact, sometimes I require quiet more than sleep and will stay up late to sneak in more moments with my sweet companion - silence. It was a few too many late nights of quiet in a row that led to missing the alarm that would give me the holy morning moments before kids smelled the sun rising and popped up with questions, demands, top-of-the-lungs songs (I won’t sing it, but you know which one I mean), and all the other things that come with kids in the morning. That is the necessity of Mother that birthed the Morning Lists.
There are endless blogs and YouTube videos about the importance of morning routines and morning rituals for adults but for those of us that are parents and especially those of us that are single parents or often end up parenting solo, pretty much the only way those morning routines can come to pass is if we get up at four in the morning. With a baby, erratic sleep schedules of toddlers or multiple kids, staying up too late the night before to help finish homework or clean up the house or just get a few minutes to decompress before we collapse into bed the only thing that is consistent about a four am morning ritual as a mama is the fantasy that it could happen.
So for our home, and my sanity, I created a morning routine or morning list for the children too.
image: a portion of the morning list for my then eleven-year-old
Obligatory notice that I did the research to back this up. I am not destroying their childhood by having them perform their own basic hygiene or do chores.
The Harvard Grant Study cites the participation in household chores as the common factor in success in the Harvard longterm seventy-five-year study. Another motivating resource is Julie Lythcott-Haims’ book How to Raise an Adult: Break free from the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success.
The University of Minnesota analysis of data collected over twenty years to determine the best predictor of success in young adulthood - success relating to education completion, career path, and personal relationships and that found the answer was if they had begun doing chores at an early age.
How early? As young as 3 or 4 years old.
Until recently it has been fairly common for children to help out and pitch in, especially in homes with one parent on duty or more creatures to tend. Children can participate in the morning routine that sets the house in motion.
From gathering eggs, feeding pets, helping with breakfast, or the basics of dressing themselves and cleaning up their space, there is plenty that little hands can contribute to in the morning without constant supervision. Of course, use your own judgment to pick tasks that are age and ability appropriate.
image: a portion of the morning list for my then four-year-old
Some family contributions for the littlest family members can be putting away the silverware from the dishwasher or the dishes that they can reach (worth reordering your cabinets if you haven’t already), emptying hampers, taking the dirty laundry to the laundry room, washing the table or setting the table for breakfast.
In our home, the original Morning List was introduced when my oldest was five, although my second born received their first Morning List at age three. We re-visit their Morning Lists every season to see what is working and where we can expand or contract.
The early rounds of Morning Lists center around their own basic care and hygiene. Picking out clothes, getting dressed, going to the bathroom, drinking water, energetic hygiene and typically one thing for the family. We don't classify things done for the family as chores. We call them contributions. We are all here participating - working together to make a beautiful life together and that requires everyone’s help to happen.
A consideration, once you get your littles into the rhythm of dressing themselves, in our runaround lives and fast mornings, dressing our children, brushing their hair and teeth, some of the basic care and hygiene of littles is often and unfortunately the only times we are in physical contact with our children as we are moving quickly through our morning and our day.
As they take on responsibility for these tasks, add in other ways that you maintain the very real human need and relational activity of touching each other - respectfully and with consent. (Also a great way to engage and introduce the concept of consent.)
Throughout the years since we started, there have been various levels of resistance to the Morning List. With that acknowledgment, the Morning List still affords me approximately forty to sixty minutes of mama morning time that may or may not include interruptions. If we’re honest, it is highly unlikely to score sixty consecutive minutes of actually uninterrupted mama time when kids are around and awake. I am so grateful for the fits and spurts that are created for my work and my pleasure to have space - even in the morning.
My own rhythm and traditions have fluctuated and I will admit that I still deal with phantom shower screams while I am trying to be chill and relaxed in a morning shower but usually it is actually a phantom. I can stretch, yoga, dance even with moderate interruptions. None of those things happen when I am following children around the house repeating myself about what they could be doing to motivate the morning. I can journal, write, and even complete an entire three pages of Julia Cameron’s morning papers before I get interrupted - sometimes, now that I said that it may never happen again but it happened this week.
Mostly though, I can be quiet. I can stay in a place of pleasure and attentiveness to my body and my sweet spirit as we are emerging from slumber and my connection feels the deepest.
I can get inspired and have the brief moments needed to breathe that inspiration into life even if only journaling for fifteen minutes, creating an audio file rant, writing a poem, of checking off one thing to feel like I am honoring myself before I dive into work and parenting and life all at once.
Ultimately I think that’s what morning routines are meant to provide.
Do you or your kiddos have morning routines?
Is it consistent? What is your favorite part?
Harvard Grant Study
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/sparing-chores-spoils-children-their-future-selves-study-says
University of Minnesota Analysis
https://ghk.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/15/12/55071e0298a05_-_Involving-children-in-household-tasks-U-of-M.pdf
How to Raise an Adult: Break free from the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success by Julie Lythcott-Haims
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Each day is feeling like a whirlwind + I am grateful for the skin I am in. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8H_Fy8h-ZO1Bh1e7tlBDjdsXaURZ9zZ-Fg29c0/?igshid=1vko3vncryh8s
backyard alter of purple dead nettle, lichen, dandelion, those little precious pinks that my daughter made ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We are moving through #epiceleven this year with all the tween-ness and attitude and stretching for independence and fighting responsibility and all that goes with it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is one of the wonders of my world to witness these tiny humans grow into their own and so oddly heartbreaking at the same time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ☆Blessed are the children of philosophers, lovers, and poets for they have seen the depths of longing and know only the truth of devotion. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ That we sacrifice ourselves for Art & Meaning is as radical as telling our Children they may be so lucky to grow up and die. ☆
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LESSONS LEARNED: ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Tiny humans can talk you into almost anything. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Back in May, these creatures convinced me that the ONLY option was to obviously take the "most adventurous" cliff dwelling tour at Mesa Verde because it was the only one available. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 30 ft up a wooden ladder with a preschooler strapped to my back, #babywearingwin I developed yet another level of respect for the ancestors who found their home among rugged landscape without trying to tame it (much) for their convenience. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This photo was taken on a cliffside with sandstone crafted storage facilities + a cliffside wall archeologists believe was built to keep the kids safe. Because kids were trying to talk grown ups into things even eight hundred and thirty years ago. 😒😅😅 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ with gratitude on the land of the Ancestral Pueblo People
Tomorrow is my little brother’s birthday. 🎂 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ He would have been 34. ❤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Grief is what it is. We do what we can. 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I have been conscious of spending more time outside. Upping my Vitamin D. Tonight I will go to bed earlier than usual. I scheduled a message to my mama so it doesn't get missed in the swiftness of our day. ❤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ St John’s Wort light me up. 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Some people use St John's Wort (Hypericum perforatum) as an aid for depression. ***⏩[Do not combine with other depression treatments. St John's Wort is known to interact with some treatments raising serotonin to a dangerous level.]*** ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⤴❤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I have been sitting with this flowering shrub (native to Europe) injesting it's solar power. 💛 **Avoid exposure to sunlight when using or applying St. John's wort. This product can make you more sensitive to the sun + sunburn easily. ❤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ☉ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ I did make some body oil I will enjoy in the dark + dreary pnw winter. 🌧🌧☀🌧🌫🌧 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀💛 @glennondoyle says We can do hard things (& we can) How do you support yourself while you do? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A Ritual to Read to Each Other ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you don't know the kind of person I am and I don't know the kind of person you are a pattern that others made may prevail in the world and following the wrong god home we may miss our star. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For there is many a small betrayal in the mind, a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood storming out to play through the broken dike. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail, but if one wanders the circus won't find the park, I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty to know what occurs but not recognize the fact. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy, a remote important region in all who talk: though we could fool each other, we should consider— lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For it is important that awake people be awake, or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep; the signals we give — yes or no, or maybe — should be clear: the darkness around us is deep. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ By William E. Stafford ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (at Friends of William Stafford)
My daughter is doing most of the gardening this year. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I am left to tend the berry patch and some old favorites that returned. Borage, Sage, Lemon Balm, and a surprise and needed St John's Wort. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The essence of Borage is said to offer buoyancy to the Soul. I think it's working. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What are you watching grow? (at The PNW)
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My daughter is growing the garden this year. She started a bunch of seeds with a friend. Bought starts with her own money. Raised beds, green house, a few pots, all the things.
I am tending our berry patch.
I haven’t gotten/chosen to spend much time with the berries since I planted them four years ago. My kids generally sweep all the berries as soon as they are ripe. I am left gathering the leaves for tea once or twice a season.
This year we are developing a different relationship.
I am learning so much more than I thought I didn’t know about raspberry, relationships, and life. Oh summer,
That time I accidentally discovered dual camera mode in New Mexico. 😍😍 And that blue sky. #nofilter #landofenchantment 📍Aztec Ruins National Monument, Aztec New Mexico 😒 (Not inhabited by Aztec people- it's just that the colonizers didn't bother to learn the names of any people other than the Aztec)
A LESSON IN YELLOWS: 💛🌻💛 From the garden with my preschooler, trying to be very aware of teaching the power of plants. That these beauties are not just for our enjoyment and we are not the epitome of evolution. 😉 The wilting dandelion -Taraxacum erythrospermum (far L), marigold or calendula - Calendula officinalis (3rd from L), and Buttercup - Ranunculus repens (far R) were all havested at the same time. ⏰ We discussed similarities and differences among the varieties of yellow, common names, what the leaves look like, how fast the dandy wilted compared to the others, and when we find them. 💛 We talked about some being medicine for the eyes that we only look at, while others are helpful in our body. 🌻 What's your favorite yellow??
My sweets & I just returned from Durango less than two weeks ago. So swift, I am still digesting our journey. 💚 Our hearts go out to all the people & creatures in the heat of uncertainty of the 416 fire effecting the good + glorious sw Durango & surrounding area. 🌧🌨💧🌧🌨💧🌧🌨💧 Sending all the rains my heart can 💙 free of sparks & lightening.
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