L.O.S.T 🦉 O.W.L

I died internally today on my birthday.

My insecurities strike again.

It seems that they never fail to pop up when I DONT want them to.

I try my best and I fail repeatedly.

And the thing is that in my past relationships they all seem to end the same way.

I push

And push

And continue to push

Until I push the ones that TRULY love me all the way away.

As I turn 25, I genuinely wish that the same edge that I keep pushing my loved ones off, I would get pushed off as well.

I keep losing those I genuinely care about.

Work things out just to make things worse.

I’m tired.

She’s tired.

And now we’re done.

I’m far from happy.

I feel numb, and I don’t really have a desire to smile or act happy although I do because I don’t want my family to worry too much.

But I definitely feel numb.

My name is Cevante.

Today, I feel probably the worst I’ve felt in the last decade.

I genuinely, feel like I hate myself.

There’s no other reason for me to continue to hurt myself the way I do.

My heart hurts.

I’m tired.

I want to give up, but I can’t seem to do that right.

I hate myself.

I have to.