🌙Melancholy & Missing Lighters🕯 @realcrybarr - Tumblr Blog

(Lyric from Bulls in the Bronx by Pierce the Veil)

I'd made this drawing not long after Brutter had died. Imagining us all together again. I hadn't thought Obie would actually be joining her so soon.

#you know I'd really wanted to die after failing to keep her alive #but i didn't wanna abandon obie and put him through anymore loss so i really tried to just live #as shitty as it may sound I'd seriously suggested dual suicide to him #because as awful as it sounds it wasnt me being okay with him being hurt or dying but rather it was because i wanted us to just be together #through it all and not have to endure life or death without the other #but he was adamantly against it so i simply decided to not kill myself unless he wanted to do so with me #he wanted us to continue living and so i did #but now that he's gone it feels like some weird prophecy playing out and that i am gonna have to just die alone and probably by my own doin #that dont necessarily mean ill commit suicide but i won't deny that I have been actively damaging my body and I'm only gonna get worse #obie was a major reason why i continued staying alive i mean i was fully waiting on his word #idc if that sounds pathetic i completely trust him and i followed him anywhere and everywhere because he truly was loyal and dedicated #never abandoned me and was intelligent enough to maneuver certain precarious situations #anartchy #mine #art #pierce the veil #lyric art #bulls in the bronx

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Obie must be taking his newly appointed role as a train god very seriously.

Because there is no way in hell that the train gods we've been working with for years would have been so insanely generous to have helped me catch my train the way I did last night.

I don't expect that same wildass thing to happen again. So, I need to at least somewhat work back up that muscle I'd lost from the anorexia. Because last night I discovered that I can no longer lift myself up a train ladder like I could only 5 months prior...

But yeah, make sure to give sufficient offerings to the train gods and find one who favours you xP

#yes i did intentionally leave out what had transpired #even tho practically no one sees my posts it still feels almost taboo to publicly post on the details of hopping a train #but yeah that was the first train I've successfully hopped since Obie's passed #the last time I'd tried i lost all feeling in my body and fell off the ladder #journal

achillesinhighheels

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time

#same

fairycosmos

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

#mood

woodwool

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

#same

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prettyshiitty

an imprint of a keyboard in norwich city centre

immortalbeingz

blood-orange-juice-deactivated2

daphneorsmthng

#camping gone wild #aliens and ufos

sacredlittleember

land spirits do not have to be dramatic.

sometimes reverence for land starts very simply:

learning the names of local plants. noticing where water gathers. thanking a tree before taking from it. picking up trash. leaving a place better than you found it. sitting quietly long enough to feel the mood of the land.

animism is not always spectacle.

sometimes it is relationship, attention, and care.

Quote by unknown

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nonalimmen

#witchy

psychotic-gerard

i have understood so many things about online leftist culture by the fact that when i said "your local community has people you will morally and politically disagree with but you cannot lock them out of accessing any tangible service you’re organising" one of the tags responding said "this isn’t about proshippers in here you’re not welcome" like. folks. focus with me. some of us are homeless here.

orchidvioletindigo

There's a disconnect happening here because the primary function of social media for most casual users is to form a circle of friends around the usual things that friendships are built on: shared interests and lifestyles and ideas of what is important and what is unacceptable. When people are mainly doing leftism on social media, this encourages thinking of leftism as centered around establishing high-minded social clubs.

For anyone who still isn't getting it from someone who helps people IRL: There's a difference between whom you're helping to feed at the mealshare and whom you're choosing to hang out with for fun after the mealshare. You don't have to invite a hungry person with opinions you don't like to play board games with you, but you do have to help keep them from starving if you're serious about leftist organizing.

trials-era-sam

can-i-make-image-descriptions

[Image ID: Tumblr reply with username blocked out reading: *volunteering at the soup kitchen, holding a bowl hesitantly to my chest* what do you think about age gaps in ships /End ID]

ibi-damnum-sequitur

Gypsies are found near heaven 1976 dir. Emil Loteanu

#gypsies are found near heaven #film

I understand the spange game has changed, and plenty of travel kids I know are trying the whole livestream spange tactic. I get it. I know it's survival. But I hate fake shit so much.

I always wanna tell lonies "Hey, don't watch anything online that has to do with vanlife, hitchhiking, train hopping, dumpster diving, pan handling, or being homeless in general. That's all misconstrued and some of it is probably fake because there are many poser yuppies who wanna be like us. Instead, go out and get involved in your community and keep an eye out for anyone on the streets. Talk to them. Get to know them. Learn about what they might need. And for fuck's sake, stop trying to just go off on your own for a 'fun adventure' just because you watched some videos. You don't know wtf you're doing. We're an actual community that mentors each other because we're fuck ups struggling to survive."

But one, lonies just don't get it.

Two, not super keen on trying to disrupt e spange.

Three, it's not that serious, and I just hope I die soon anyhow. So, big whoop.

#vent

realcrybarr

I still think of the time someone asked me "is that why oogles are atheists?"

And I thought they were trying to pick a fight with me until they explained they thought oogle was what we (train kids) refer to ourselves as because they heard a group of train kids calling each other that.

They also revealed the fact that they're a rubber tramp, and it all made way more sense.

realcrybarr

I was reminded of this interaction by a post of a lonie who had clearly tried out rubber tramping and spanging for less than a year decided to share their "wisdom" on panhandling in different parts of the country 😭

They were also like "car camping is best" when they were talking about common sense shit for finding a place to sleep.

Homeless?

Unemployed?

Just buy a car! Everyone has car money lying around. Don't be homeless. Don't sleep outside. Just get a car.

Because cars are so easy to maintain, and some of us totally aren't out here due to mental difficulties, some of which literally make driving difficult.

#lonies piss me off sometimes #but so do actual street kids #so it'd be easier for me to just say the whole world pisses me off

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I still think of the time someone asked me "is that why oogles are atheists?"

And I thought they were trying to pick a fight with me until they explained they thought oogle was what we (train kids) refer to ourselves as because they heard a group of train kids calling each other that.

They also revealed the fact that they're a rubber tramp, and it all made way more sense.

#so many rubber tramps are literally just lonies playing vanlife #they have very little involvement in the traveller community and just don't really know a whole lot about it #i shared this conversation with obie cuz i thought it was funny af to think that this person had caught a crew of kids shit talking each #other and thought they were serious #he thought it was hilarious as shit too #scribbles

epifaniacintilante

The loneliness of liminal creatures is fascinating

#the company of wolves #cryptid #liminal

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