Ok I Didn’t Think It Would Be This Complicated

I always wanted to be the guard that tells only lies

I mean I've actually never wanted to be that.

Stupid stupid stupid. C'mon. At this rate I'll never be a lie guard.

As a professional guard who always lies, don't worry about it, you're doing great.

watching someone start reblogging transmisandry bullshit is like seeing them get hacked by a scambot. will you stop.. for me

when people say misandry or androphobia or whatever aren't real they aren't being pedantic about your language. believing misandry is real is ideological poison. the second you attribute the real oppression you face to some "anti-male prejudice" you have given up your ability to understand and fight the actual power structures causing it. any bit of time and energy you spend arguing that women don't have it as bad as they say they do is time and energy you aren't spending on anything actually productive. wake up

Conservative beauty standards are back with a vengeance which means it's especially important to go out this summer with bellies out and bodies unshaved. Also be unapologetically disabled with mobility aids and wearable medical devices and stim toys and ear defenders and all that stuff. You need it. People need to see it. Everyone needs to be reminded that life is unquestioningly more enjoyable when you're not living inside an arbitrary set of rules created by people who are offended by all the wrong things.

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

what is time but an endless all consuming miasma of void ,?

there is something erotic about watching someone be extraordinarily competent at something especially if they're also really passionate about it

i really like transfem wish fulfillment stuff i just wish it didn't make me aware of gaping holes in my chest that have always been there

the problem with tumblr spells is all of you lil sluts are casting and not giving it time to charge so you're all casting cantrips and not 9th level death spells. everyone wants to be the one to take them down no one wants to be the one who assists

Wait stop. everyone +like now and spread it a little but cast on the same day in August. lets try August 6th or something.

take me to art museums and make out with me

But they said to not touch the masterpieces

Well somebody’s gotta pin the artwork to the wall

I’VE ONLY EVER SEEN THIS LEGENDARY POST IN SCREENSHOTS

Reblogging for the legendary Johnson, the security guard we didn’t deserve

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

Slime girl that splits herself into two smaller versions of herself so one can ride your face while the other rides your cock (they both moan like whores and it harmonizes every time)

Now dont be fooled. She may be on top, but neither of them are even remotely in control of the situation

Also she does this so she can makeout with herself sloppy style whenever she wants to get you horny

Ok FINE maybe MAYBE. she does it so she can lez our with herself hard-core whenever she finds a chance. Slapping her other ass and sucking herself off and eating herself out whenever she can until its all she does. Her eyes are constantly hazy because you can't find a time to see hi without her getting her ass eaten by her other self until she cums over and over again

@futchdelight COMING IN CLUTCH THANK YOU

@pretty-pink-kiwi-pup you get me!

Im just saying, if I was a slimegirl who could split herself in two, id be doing this nonstop *nod nod*

Slime girl that splits herself into two smaller versions of herself so one can ride your face while the other rides your cock (they both moan like whores and it harmonizes every time)

Now dont be fooled. She may be on top, but neither of them are even remotely in control of the situation

Also she does this so she can makeout with herself sloppy style whenever she wants to get you horny

Ok FINE maybe MAYBE. she does it so she can lez our with herself hard-core whenever she finds a chance. Slapping her other ass and sucking herself off and eating herself out whenever she can until its all she does. Her eyes are constantly hazy because you can't find a time to see hi without her getting her ass eaten by her other self until she cums over and over again

@futchdelight COMING IN CLUTCH THANK YOU

@pretty-pink-kiwi-pup you get me!

some of you would be a lot happier if you didn't use 4chan words

Nothing is more important than girls kissing