As-Of-Yet Untitled

It was an interesting 2016, for sure.

It started off with the same sort of thing as normal; resolutions that were made and broken, the blind optimism that comes every time the ball drops.  I had a good job and the promise of tomorrow was brightly shining in the distance.  I had come to, all cliche possibly not intended but present, a point in life where I felt comfortable.

Comfort fades, however... and boy, did it fade for me.

The first four months were pretty standard; trying to work out things with my ex-fiancee, trying to do the best I could at work and just basically going through the motions (whatever the hell that means).  However, by about June, the tea was hot and the kettle was about to whistle.

*whistle*

In June, I made the conscious decision to lose weight and better myself.  We had a contest at work to see who could lose the biggest percentage of weight.  I participated mostly to see if I could win and maybe lose a little weight in the process.  The day before my first weigh-in, however, my ex-fiancee decided it would be better for us both if she cut all contact.

Oh, the wicked way that things twist somehow...

I was completely blindsided.  I honestly felt so scattered (and I guess that I still do).  Somehow, however, I was able to throw all of my efforts into the weight loss and at the end of the eight-week contest, I walked away with the grand prize and smashed all of my expectations.  I still had more weight to lose, so I went ahead and continued.  And continued.  And continued some more.

I should mention at this point I am 130 pounds down. 

Over that seven months, I’ve also learned a little bit about life.  Look, situations aren’t always going to be ideal.  Life happens.  You have to wade through a little bit of shit to get anywhere.  Am I always happy with my life?  Fuck no!  I still despise the town I live in (Reno) and I still would trade anything for the chance to go back home.  However, the only way to get anywhere is to get up and get moving.  Without work, nothing happens.  One day, I’ll be back in California sipping in the sunshine and walking the beach, but that just gives me some concrete motivation.

Look, I’m not saying that everything is always easy but you have to follow the arrow where it points.  Furthermore, it has to be your arrow; don’t cut your fabric to everyone’s fashion because if you do, you will fit in but will you be happy?  Grow your beard, play your music loud; do whatever you want because in the end, your life is going to mean more than what you mean to other people.  And in the end, what does everyone else matter?  Be caring, but realize that in the end, you have to do you.

Could that breakdown in June have destroyed me?  In some ways it did but in a lot of ways, it was for the best.  I can be myself and do as I please and not be held back and there’s something good to be said for that feeling.  Nobody else can say what is wrong or what is right for me... I have control of my own life and my own destiny which is one of the best feelings ever.

I’m not really saying this to toot my own horn; really, I hope everyone can feel this at some point because you know, feeling good is pretty awesome.  If this helps one solitary person to feel it, then I’ve done my job as far as I’m concerned.

Just remember, at the end, you need to do what is right for you and you alone.  Trying to please other people is completely going to wreck you...