Simpcave

He sees how you hold your arm, a long bleeding gash in it. He wraps his belt over your upper arm, pulling it tight to stop the blood flow a bit.

"Keep your hand up," he speaks gruffly and positions your arm so it points to the air.

"Makes the blood flood less into your arm. Prevents heavy bleeding."

You just look at him, slightly out of breath from the shock. You do what he tells you, not in the right mind to even question his orders.

Benn positions you to sit down in case you'll fall when the shock subsides. Then he thoroughly starts wraping your arm with some yellow fabric he had ripped from his sash earlier.

After everything is done, he looks into your face, taking in the expression you wear. His brows furrow a bit.

"You okay?" he asks as he notices you not talking and letting him handle you like a doll.

Your gaze lands on his before you nod slowly.

"Y-yeah, just...how are you so calm?" you ask, still trying to comprehend what happened.

Benn just sighs and sits down next to you and pulls your upper body against him so you don't have to hold yourself up or lean against cold stone.

"Worse things happend before," is all the answer you get.

You stay quiet after that. You aren't weak, not at all. People on the Red Force respect you for your fighting skills and how you manage to talk people out of fighting.

But of course you were no match to any of the commanders or Shanks. And right now you feel completly useless. If Benn weren't there, you surely would have died.

"You're awfully quiet", Benns voice echoes onto the stone walls. He's always been the observant one, and of course he noticed that you're way too quiet. Usually, you're talking a lot - so much even that you sometimes apologize for talking his ear off for almost an hour without realizing.

"I don't know what to say."

At first, Benn doesn't pry. But after another fifteen minutes of your silence he speaks again.

"What's going on through that head of yours, princess?"

Princess. The one nickname he calls you when you're overthinking or not feeling well. He knows you deal with a lot in your head sometimes, and he noticed early on that even if you want to be strong all the time you do need some reassurance from time to time.

"You think Shanks will find us?"

Your voice is quiet, and Benn knows that's not what's really on your mind, but he gives you the escape.

"Of course he will. Won't take long until he'll be here."

His voice and whole demeanor is calm and it reassures you. You know he's right. Shanks knows where you two are, and he will check soon enough if something happened after the earthquake.

You let yourself lean against him and he puts his arm around you. His other hand keeps staying on your injured arm, keeping it upright.

"Thanks...for pushing me away."

Your voice is quiet again and Benn sighs in responds.

"Stop trying to be like us. You're young. It comes with time. It's okay to get hurt."

His words hit home. Of course he knows exactly what you feel. You lean your head against his shoulder.

"I want to be of help to y'all," you speak, "but somehow I always end up needing help."

"And that's okay, sweet thing. We're here to support you. To help you. When we were your age, we needed help too, you know? And we still do."

You look up at Benn as he reassures you in a less stern voice.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

Benn snorts.

"C'mon. Look at Shanks. He's an emperor and still needs help buttoning up his shirt sometimes."

"Because he's missing an arm-"

"No, it's because he wants to be a menace. Just like when he cries over his pants when they get holes."

A soft smile spreads over your face at the memory.

"You see, even the strongest need some help sometimes. Shanks also does. I do, too. That's what we're here for. That's why we are a crew. A family."

Benns voice is soft. Softer than most times. You nod against him, silently agreeing.

"My arm hurts."

You finally speak what's on your mind again and the corners of Benns mouth twitch up a bit at that, but he's also concerned.

"It doesn't bleed that much, but now that the shock ebbs away the pain comes through."

He explains calmly, his gaze drifting to your arm. His other arm around you softly traces patterns on your upper arm.

"They'll be here soon."

"I know," you whisper as you lean against him, still in pain but also okay.

Benn keeps caressing your side while he puts pressure on your injury while you two are waiting for the others to arrive. It doesn't take long 'till you two hear sounds coming from the cave. After a few minutes the first rays of daylight reach you. And a few minutes later Benn steps outside with you in his arms.

Shanks and the others look worried as they see your arm, but are also relieved to see you two again.

As you all walk back to the Red Force Benn still carries you, shushing your protests with "Let me help you", while Shanks walks next to him and Hongo already moves to get the medical bay ready.

"Did I ever tell you how grateful I am that you let me on your ship?"

You mumble towards Shanks. He looks a bit confused and caught of guard at first. He shoots a look at Benn but he just keeps looking ahead, tho the usual stern expression is a bit less tense and gives way to something softer.

Shanks finally lets out a laugh.

While you and Shanks dance wildly around, laughing and hollering to some fast music that leads you two to more jumping around than dancing, Benn sways you ever so gently in a calmer atmosphere, holding you close and steady.

Shanks shows you the different islands and tells you exciting stories or plays pranks on you. Benn reads with you, lets you nap on his chest in the middle of deck while he reads the newspaper or he explains you how to use a rifle, just in case.

Not that they would ever let it come to the situation where you'd actually need to defend yourself, but you never know.

These two present a living compromise. When you're feeling excited over something or have too much energy, you go to Shanks. When you need calmness or just a steady presence, you go to Benn.

Of course both of them do provide what the other does too, but most times it's like this.

The best moments tho are when you all three are together.

When you all have game nights or the crew is partying again, you either sit on Shanks or Benns lap.

When you visit islands and both Shanks and Benn can leave the ship, you're walking in the middle of them, preferably holding both of their hands.

At night, all three of you cuddle. When one isn't there the other two can't seem to rest well. It always feels like something is missing.

Also, both of them equally annoy you with their antics.

"That's not for you, young lady", Shanks speaks as he pulls the bottle of rum out of my hands.

"Why not? I'm an adult!" I protest and he chuckles.

"Because alcohol is bad for you. And you don't need the whole bottle. I might leave a sip in it for you when I finished drinking it."

You groan loudly. You reach for a cigarette, somehow you've gotten used to the smell and all since you breath it in regulary due to Benns smoking habbit. But before your fingers can even reach the package, a strong hand softly holds your arm.

"And what do you think you're doing now?" A gruff voice, Benns voice, sounds from beside you.

"Taking on your both bad habbits", i exclaim but both men just laugh, and Benn pulls me against his side.

"Sweetheart, we'd rather die than let you become a drunk smoker. It's enough that we two make mistakes", Benn speaks.

You softly sigh, knowing they don't mean unwell and at the same time you're annoyed at their protectiveness.

"Don't pout now", Shanks speaks with a smile, nuzzling his nose into your hair and kissing it.

"How about this, you're being good for us and as a reward we make you feel good later, hm?"

"Shanks!" I draw away a bit, flustered but also smiling, shaking my head. Benn just huffs a laugh.

It's usually like this. All three of you together, soft banter but mostly closure.

Benn and Shanks have had a thing with each other before they met you, and at first you were scared they'd cast you out again, that you were just some fun for them. A temporary change in their relationship.

But then you got sick about half a year into this relationship. Not just a small cold-sick, but full on high fever, aching joints, barely conscious and shivering-sick.

Shanks was scared back then, really scared. Both men didn't leave your bedside, leaving the ship to the other commanders. They did everything Hongo told them to do, changing the cold cloth on your forehead every half an hour, making sure you get some soup into your stomach, helping you with taking warm baths and everything.

Shanks almost cried when he saw how you were barely conscious, blabbering nonsense because you didn't know where you were and what was going on.

Benn tried to stay calm, to anchor Shanks and you at the same time, but he also was desperate for you to get better. Shanks knew it wasn't fair to Benn that he had to be strong the whole time, but Benn reassured him it was okay, and that it helped him that Shanks was at his side too.

It took three weeks until you were allowed to leave the bed again. Even Benn let himself crack back then and cuddle Shanks and you tightly, telling you he thought he'll lose you. And since then Shanks and Benn are even more overprotective.

It was that time when you noticed how important you were to them, and how serious they were about you. And you never doubted them again.

It's been years now that you three found each other. Of course sometimes there is fighting, but overall you three are an amazing team.

He didn't mind it, tho you could see it took a hassle out of him sometimes.

The other moments were, when he tried to pull on his shirt. He mananged to fiddle with the buttons for so long until at least the last ones were buttoned up, the rest staid open, exposing his chest.

Drinking, eating, changing his clothes, showering - it all got more complicated than before. He had to get used to it, but he was okay with it.

What started to irritate him tho, was that he couldn't hold you as easy anymore.

He loved carrying you around and of course he can still lift you with one arm, but now he has to kick every door open and close and scoot chairs around with his legs. He can't hold you close and caress your cheek at the same time anymore. Can't run his fingers through your hair and run lazy circles over your stomach anymore. It's only ever one of these things.

You told him several times that you don't mind. And he knows it's true. But those are the moments where he really wished for a different outcome. He never regretted losing his arm to save Luffy. He only regrets that he can't hold you as much anymore.

There are different moments too, not just sad and frustrating ones. He enjoys that you have to tie a knot in the sleeve of his missing arm. And he lets you button up his shirt too. Sometimes he shamelessly uses his missing limb to have you tend to him even more.

Not that you minded. It made you feel more useful by his side. Which led to the moment right now, where you help him with playing cards with is friends.

"Cut my steak for me, won't you sweetheart?"

"Can you cut my hair?"

"Lend me a hand with opening up this booze for me, please?"

You sit in his lap. His one hand holds cards infront of you both, but he needs your help to draw them.

"Take the right one," he speaks a bit nervous since he told you several times already and you keep ignoring him, looking at his cards.

You grumble thoughtfully in responds, and Shanks gets more desperate.

"Please, sweety, play the right one. My good pants are in the pod."

Yasopp snorts. It's only him, Benn and Shanks in on the round anymore.

"They're only in there so we can throw them away after we won them. They're hideaous."

The other crewmembers snicker at Yasopps words. Meanwhile, I draw a card from the middle and lay it down. Shanks groans.

"You're in on this, aren't you? You want me to lose my precious pants?" he asks you with fake annoyance, but you just smile at him.

"Just trust me, love", you tell him. He pouts a bit, making you smile more. He can be so childish. But the moment Benn lays his cards down on the table and Yasopp groans, his eyes light up.

He stares at the table, seeing that he, or more like you, had won. He cheers, throwing his cards on the table. He stands up and holds you close, twirling you around.

"You're my life-saviour! My pants-saviour!"

He exclaims happily and you laugh, holding onto him. You love those moments where he isn't the feared emperor but just your Shanks. Your childish, happy, loving and sometimes stupid Shanks.

He kisses you as he looks at you like you hung the moon into the sky for him.

"I'll throw up if he becomes any sweeter," Yasopp just groans from behind us, mixing the cards new.

"Now, why don't we try again for the pants?" Lime Juice speaks and Shanks laughs as we both sit down again.

"Try as often as you want, guys. As long as I have my luck charm with me, I won't lose."

In the end he was right. For as long as you sat on his lap and refused to play the cards he thought would be best, he won. But the moment you stoond up to skip a round and get something to drink, you heard Shanks groan loudly and defeated.

You love how he takes care of you, and you enjoy every second with him, even the rougher ones in battle and sometimes even in fights between you two.

But when you two lay in bed and he moves his hand up and down your back, or when he craddles your head and hugs and kisses you, that's when you feel the most content and happiest.

His rough hands that touch you with such sincerity that on emotional days you could cry about how careful he is with you. His lips on yours that are so soft because you force him to use chapsticks so they wont get dry.

When someone asks you about your favourite memories with him, it surely are these ones the most.

You respect his wish for no hand-holding in public. No hugs and cuddles infront of the crew. Of course he makes exeptions when you aren't feeling well or when he gets protective in crowded places, but those occasions are rare.

Still you enjoy them, and at the same time it also takes a small toll on you.

You know it has nothing to do with him being embaressed of you. Or that he doesnt want to be seen as weak. It's just how he is. And you never questioned it. You love every part of him, and if that means respecting his wishes for no touching outside of private rooms, then that's what you do.

Still, sometimes you earn for his touch. For a hug in a bar where the crew stays for a bit. For holding his hand when you feel cold instead of him pulling another pair of gloves over your hands. But you respect his comfort zone and don't want to ask for more when he already gives you so much.

Law doesn't realize how much you love his touch. He never sees you complain or make a face when he tells you to not hug him right now. He's always careful about it, never mean. Always softly speaking so you won't get the wrong idea.

He thought everything is fine and perfect for you, just like how it is for him. And it is fine for you, but not perfect.

You don't even realize yourself how much you long for his touch. And Law only realized it when you were completly drunk on your birthday a month prior.

The crew celebrated your birthday of course. A small party in the Polar Tang with all your friends there. Everyone cheered, and Law even pressed a kiss to your forehead infront of the others before he excused himself to quickly finish his work in his office.

Oh, how your heart fluttered when he had kissed you. You felt so in love. While he was gone for a bit over an hour, you drank a lot. Usually you dont like being drunk, but the crew convinced you to let go on your birthday, so you did.

When Law returned, everyone was having fun. He sat down next to you, and you immediately leaned against him. He tensed a bit before laying a hand on your forehead.

"How much did you drink?" he asked in a bit of a worried tone. He thought you leaned against him for stability.

"Enough," was your only answer as you shifted a bit to the side, laying a hand around his stomach and nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck.

Law actually blushed a bit, tensing again at your sudden open display of affection. He didn't want to push you away, tho he still asked:

"What's got you so touchy today?"

You didn't even realize that you stepped over his usual comfort zone. The only thing on your drunk mind was that you want him close to you.

"I'm always touchy," you started responding, "you just never let me."

There was no malice or accusation in your tone, but still Law froze. He looked down on your content face, smiling as your eyes were closed. He only ever sees that look when he holds you in some way laying in bed.

"Love to touch you...to feel your body under my hands. You're so warm, have I ever told you that? I love when you touch me. Makes me feel really good," you drunkenly continued.

Law was still tensed up, the corks in his mind spinning due to your words. All the times you tried to get some physical touch from him, and all the times you didn't anymore shot through his mind. The realization slowly downed on him.

You on the other hand felt him all tense and looked up worried. Only then did you realize that you're in an open room with all your crewmates and you quickly pulled back.

"I'm sorry, I forgot there were people-"

you tried to explain, but Laws hand quickly pushed you back into him. One hand was on your back, pressing you closer to him and the other laid on your upper arm, almost in a hug as he whispered:

"I'm sorry I haven't noticed before. I didn't mean to neglect your needs."

He sounded guilty. You quickly looked up and saw that his eyes were clouded with overthinking and not as bright as usually.

"Don't apologize. You don't like it, and I can accept that," you answered, understanding what he means eventho you were drunk.

"You shouldn't," was his only response as he held you tighter against him, and he didn't let go for the entire evening.

After that, he is more openly affectionate with you. Not a drastic change. Just him and you, talking the next day and finding a compromise.

You explained him how much you enjoy his touch but that you didn't feel bothered by his distance either. That he shouldn't feel guilty for it, since his feelings and needs matter just the same as yours.

He still wanted to change the way he acts around you. He kissed your forehead, pulled you close to him as he spoke so softly int your ear:

"I will try. It's just a matter of getting used to it. And if I notice that I really can't get comfortable with it, I'll tell you. Promise."

And that's exactly what you love about him. He knows that you care about his own needs and feelings just as much as he does about you. So him forcing himself to do something that makes him uncomfortable would make you just as sad as he was when he found out that you didn't tell him about your wish of more touching.

So he started doing what he promised you.

Small kisses. Gentle touches on your back or hands when he walked past you. Some hand-holding on new islands. Sometimes hugs infront of his crew. He isn't overly touchy, but enough to always remind you that he cares so much about you that he will change his usual ways to make you even happier.

Luckily the Capitol didn't change my face too. Apparently I'm beautiful enough for them, tho I wouldn't be suprised if they had forced me to get modifications to my face too by now so I'd look younger. The only reason they didn't is probably because their plan of selling my body to the most bidding capitol men hadn't worked out.

After staring way too long into my face I fix my hair and make my way downstairs. Haymitch sits at the sofa with another drink. Not see-through, so I take it that he leaves the stronger liquor for later on.

"Morning," I greet him and he gives me a grunt in aknowledgment.

I get myself a sandwich and sit down next to him. I glanze at the clock.

"You let me sleep in again."

"Figured you'd need it."

I chew another bite and swallow before I speak again.

"Did you get some sleep?"

He doesn't answer me, and the deep circles under his eyes tell me everything I need to know.

"The kids are at training?"

"Yep."

"You told them your strategy?"

"Mhm."

"They agreed?"

"You gonna shoot more questions at me?"

I stay silent after that. I know he knows what he's doing. I'm not even sure myself why I ask him these many questions. Is it to cope with my own nervousness? Or do I just want him to keep talking with me?

I stare at my sandwich as I feel him moving slighty to look at me. I feel how my heart beats a tad bit faster. Since when does it do that?

"You're nervous," he states. Not a question, just matter of fact.

"I'm not sure if Katniss will follow your orders," I answer him and try to direct the conversation back to the tributes. Away from the new nervousnes I get around him.

He grumbles in respons and looks forward again as he takes a small sip from his glass.

"She'll do what she has to to stay alive. She isn't stupid. She knows the smartest thing to do is follow what I tell her. And a birdie whispered to me that someone told her I am very capable."

He doesn't look at me while he says that, but I hear the slight teasing sound in his voice. Against my will a slight blush appears on my cheeks as I remember what I told Katniss back on the train.

"Must have been a very delusional and unwise person," I tease back, hoping he won't pick on the fact I praised him behind his back any longer.

He breaths out a small laugh, barely there. I might have missed it if I wasn't so used to his quiet laughter by now.

"Delusional maybe, but not unwise."

I don't respond to that. I keep eating my sandwich and force the redness to disappear from my cheeks again before he notices it.

"There's not much to do before they come back from training. You should get some rest," I try again.

I know he hasn't slept much on the train either, so I'm not sure how long his fuel of a handful of sleep and liquor will keep him functioning.

He grumbles but doesn't talk back. But he doesn't move either. He just leans back in the sofa cushions more while his legs spread out. I stay seated and grab something to draw on.

I let peace and quiet wash over us as I make a mind-map on the capitol tablet I grabbed, listing my impressions of Peeta, Katniss and the other tributes while Haymitch stays leaned back in the cushions of the sofa.

It doesn't take long until I hear his breathing evening out. I don't glanze over at him. I know he is asleep and I want him to have his peace for once.

My mind-map keeps progressing with the hours, and the only time I stand up is to get a cup of water. I write down everything that comes to my mind. Small details I noticed.

The look in the other tributes eyes. How they move. Small twitches that show me they put on an act. Who their mentor is and what they will most-likely teach them and how it will affect their possible decisions in the arena.

My mind keeps on spilling out possibilities and information I grabbed onto. My pen moves around on the screen frantically at some point.

My mind has never been clear, it has always been a storm. I don't think in a straight line, it's more like a rollercoaster.

I add details on the bottom, then write half a sentence to a tribute before moving to the top again, writing down observations that re-run through my mind right now, before I move back to the middle and finish the sentence I started before.

I notice a lot of stuff, but my mind doesn't process it right away. It comes again later. And I have to write it down before I forget it because while I realize that one tribute has ticks that show they are scared of certain stuff in certain places my mind already spins forward to the next tribute and how the personality of their mentor will affect their tendency of arrogance that clearly showed in how they raised their chin just slightly when someone almost bumped into them.

After my head starts slightly pounding from focussing on the screen of my tablet for hours, I place it down. A glanze at the clock tells me that Katniss and Peeta will come back in an hour, which means Effie will be here soon too.

I finally look over to Haymitch who for once sleeps like a normal person. No alcohol laying around and no knife in his hand. I look at his peaceful face, and listen to how now and then a soft snore escapes him.

My heart beats louder inside my ripcage again and I press a hand against my chest.

Why do I feel like this so suddenly? I can't feel more for him. He's my co-mentor. My protector in some way. My...friend. Even if he might not think like that towards me, but for me he is one of my dearest friends.

I don't have a lot of friends, but the few I have I cherish deeply.

I don't want to wake him up, but I know he rather is awake when the others come back than get woken up by them coming into the apartment.

I lean over to him softly, calling his name. He furrows his eyebrows but other than that he stays asleep. I softly shake his arm, breathing in to say his name again as he suddenly shoots up, grippig my wrist tightly.

I wince at how hard he is holding my wrist as he looks around, taking in his surroundings.

Waking Haymitch up is never an easy task. His mind is always in some kind of enemy territory when he first wakes up. His eyes lock to mine, and he seems to realize that I'm not a threat.

"Good morning," I speak softly. His wide grey eyes are reminding me of a deer caught in headlights right now.

He doesn't respond at first as his gaze drops lower to where he is still holding my hand. He drops it after he realizes how aggressive he was holding it.

"Sorry," he mumbles under his breath as I rub my wrist.

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you got some sleep."

He looks at me as I give him a small smile. His gaze is plastered to it for a bit before he turns away again.

I don't say anything further. I don't need to. He doesn't turn back to me so I stand up and go get some snacks for both of us. I might have had a breakfast sandwich hours ago, but I'm not sure if Haymitch ate anything until now, and dinner is later with everyone else.

After rumaging through the kitchen for a bit I return to the sofa. He's still there, tho his attention is on the tablet with my mind-map on it.

I set the biscuits down between us while I watch his slightly furrowed brows as he looks over my notes.

"You're amazing," he suddenly states.

I almost choke on the cookie I'm chewing.

"What?" I cough out, shocked by his straight forwardness. I expect him to take it back, but he doesn't.

"I said you're amazing. Amazing in figuring other people out without communicating much with them."

He still doesn't look at me as I try to process his words. He never complimented me in such an open way. Appreciated my help, yes. But never told me straight out that I am amazing.

My brain short-circuits as he keeps on scrolling through my notes. I feel like I'm frozen in place untill the door opens and Effie comes in.

Her high-pitched voice and her thicc capitol accent echo through the appartment compared with the click of her high heels.

Haymitch gives a small grunt as I snap back into reality, fighting the flustered feeling inside me.

He surely complimented me before. I just react this way because lately I feel weird about him. That's it.

After Effie arrives Peeta and Katniss join us shortly after. They give us a short summary of what they've did in training and about the other tributes. How Rue stole that knife without anyone seeing it. How the careers looked at Peeta. On what stations they focused.

Except Peeta showing of his strenght that one time they seemed to have sticked with Haymitchs orders to stay away from weapons and focus on improving their survival skills. While Haymitch keeps on pulling details out of them I snap the tablet out of Haymitchs hand again and keep adding some details about the other tributes and about Katniss and Peeta as well.

After talking for a bit we all eat together, and I notice how Haymitch stops the Avox to refill his wine glass after he drank half of his.

I know that he doesn't do it because of me this time. It's because he takes the mentoring serously. I can't keep the small smile from forming on my face as I focus on my food.

Haymitch keeps telling them what to do and what to take care of. I notice that he also gives them some tips that conclude some of my notes from earlier.

It's always been like that. He is an observing type himself, but I am too. Sometimes even more than him. I see details about persons and strick together their personality, how they'll react, what moves they'll do, how they think.

And he threads those observations into strategies and plans. I give the pieces and he completes the puzzle.

I'm sure he can do all of this quite well on his own. But in moments like these, I feel useful. Not like some mess, broken by the Capitol.

Like I actually contribute useful information that isn't stuff everyone else knows. Things that aren't just flying around in my head with no destination or reason.

Moments like these remind me that I'm not alone. I'm not fighting alone. Because Haymitch is there. He picks up the broken pieces that spill from my mind and he places them together and makes something whole out of it.

And I can't imagine him not being with me anymore to do that. Because I'd be hopeless without him.

It's not just the mentoring. It's my daily life that he keeps in check too. When my mind is too aware of my surroundings. When I get lost in what I wanted to do just a few seconds ago.

He always keeps me on track. He takes the threads of information I gave him about my plan for the day and knit them together with a needle and then give it back to me in form of a scarf, reminding me what exactly I wanted to do in which steps.

And I cherish him for that. But right now, I seem to realize I cherish him for way more than just that.

I always thought I liked him for not trying to change me, for being there for me and trying in his own special way to make life more bearable for me.

But I appreciate him for simply existing, for breathing next to me even when he doesn't say anything. For looking at me like he sees something I never saw in myself.

For his simple ways of checking up on me. For not leaving me alone, even when things get ugly. When my whole being gets overwhelmed with what the Capitol did to me.

He doesn't leave me alone. I mean he left me alone once, and I see it almost every day that he pays the price for it. A price he decided on his own.

A thought flashes through my mind, telling me he only treats me so kindly because he still feels bad for what happened. That I myself don't really matter to him but he does these things to make himself feel better.

I shake my head at the thought. No, I'm sure I mean something to him. Only a small bit. I try to remind myself that he has to like me just a little bit, otherwise he wouldn't be that way around me.

Or at least that's what my heart wishes for. To be a teeny tiny bit special to someone. Not even much, just a small bit, just enough that maybe, maybe he would even miss me for a bit if I disappeared.

"You okay there?" Haymitchs voice breaks my train of thought as my head snaps to his direction.

My mind on the other hand keeps reminding me that he is only grateful because he doesn't have to speak with so many sponsors.

My mind always tries to ruin the good feelings I get. Another thing that started after I survived. Being scared the Capitol will rip the good things away again, so I try to not have any.

I notice him and the others looking at me.

"What?" I ask a bit lost, not sure for how long I was gone in my thoughts.

"You seem distracted," Effie speaks as I laugh uncomfortably.

"Just thinking about some stuff. What were you saying?"

Peeta repeats to me what the conversation was about, and I quickly add stuff while I notice that Haymitch just keeps looking at me with a small crease between his brows.

Another thing I cherish him for.

I pretend I don't notice, and after a few moments he focuses back on his food, tho he does stay more quiet for the rest of the conversation.

Of course he noticed something is going on with me. He always does. But he doesn't pray, he never really does. Especially not infront of others.

"Care to let me in?" I ask after we've been standing wordlessy around for a while.

He grumbles but lets me in anyway. I close the door behind us.

"You wanna tell me what you two were talking about?" I ask him as he grabs for his glass with liquor, before thinking about it again and setting it back down.

"No need for that," he ensures me.

I look at him for a while and how he seems to hold back to just down his drink. I debate with myself if I should say something, but after the minutes stretch between us I can't hold it back anymore.

"I'm not mad at you."

I see his shoulders tense but he doesn't respond. I don't need him to. I know what's going on in his head.

"You can't blame yourself forever. It would have happened eventually," I try again.

"But I could have prevented it a bit further if I was sober," his voice seems raw. "I should have known they'd do that."

He doesn't look at me. He just stares at his glass with his back to me. I say his name quietly. Softly. I want him to understand that I don't hold a grudge against him.

He doesn't respond. I step a bit closer. Not touching him, but close enough that he can feel my presence.

"It's been 10 years, Haymitch."

"And yet it still haunts you at night," is his response. Honest. Clear. With a tone that makes sure I understand I can't fool him with making it seem like it's a long forgotten story.

"We all have haunted nights, important is that we learn to live with it. And I don't want you to keep beating yourself up for my sake."

With those words the conversation dies. He doesn't turn around, doesn't look at me. I stay for a bit longer. He doesn't say it, but I know he shouldn't be alone right now. Only after it has slowly gotten dark do I whisper a goodnight to him and start moving towards the door.

I don't expect him to aknowledge me leaving, until I reach the door and he whispers a "Sleep well" back.

I open the door. The silent invitation to come to him if I need it isn't missed by me.

"You too."

The offer stands on both sides. Just like it always does.

With that I step outside and leave him alone as I march two cabines further and walk into my own room. I lay awake in bed for quite some before sleep finds me. It's a dreamless night for once, tho when I wake up again I don't feel rested at all.

I quickly get changed and step out to the dinning compartment. I don't bother knocking on Haymitchs door. He doesn't like to sleep at night so he has probably just fallen asleep.

When I reach the dinning compartment tho, suprise washes over me as I find Haymitch with Peeta and Katniss already eating breakfast.

"Morning, sunshine," Haymitch greets me with one of his sarcastic petnames for me.

"Mornin'," I grumble back as I slide into the seat next to him at the table. I'm a lot of things, but a morning person isn't one of it.

I notice some tension in the air, especially how Haymitch seems to eye Katniss, but I don't mention it as I get some bread with marmelade.

Haymitch keeps on telling them about sponsors as he drinks his coffee. I immediately smell that there is way more alcohol than coffee in it, but I again choose not to comment on it. After some time Peeta stands up, claiming he can see the Capitol.

I swallow the last bit of bread before telling Katniss and Peeta to just let the stylists do their thing later without complaining about it, and that we see them after the carriage ride. After that we all go change into our rooms again.

The arrival at the training center is shortly after. I take deep breaths again and try not to let the mass of people stress me. I feel Haymitchs arm brush mine just for a second.

A silent reminder that he's there. That I don't have to face it alone. I briefly glanze at him, but he looks straight ahead. We walk next to each other into the building. Not close enough to touch again, but also not far enough to not feel the others presence.

For the next two hours it's all about smiling and pretending. Haymitch won't leave my side. He never does. He promised me to never leave me alone again on Capital grounds. Not after what happened.

Time flies by fast. I see Finnick and Chad and we have a bit of smalltalk. Finnick and I get along quite well, while Haymitch and Chad often pass a bottle between them. This time it's no different, just that Haymitch sticks to one glass while Chad has two.

Some sponsors also talk with us, and I already try to make Katniss and Peeta seem interesting to them, eventho I want to wait till I see how the stylists will present them.

I heard that district twelve has a new stylist this year and that he requested to do our district, so I'm a bit curious if he might has planned something extra-ordinary. One of the older sponsors musters me up and down, making a joke about how lucky Haymitch is that I always stick to his side.

My body tenses under his gaze as I try to count backwards from ten with taking deep breaths. My mind shoots images of my changed body into my brain, and panic and disgust forms in my chest as I want to claw away the changes they did to me. I smile politely as the Capitol man tells me we should have a dance later on.

"She's not for lend, I fear. And at dancing she usually steps on your toes," Haymitch comes to my aid and the sponsor laughs with him.

I feel that Haymitch is also tenser than before as he lays a hand on my back softly. He plays the role of the co-mentor who needs me for the games perfectly. He turns down the man politely and with a laugh, excusing us to get to the seats to watch the carriage ride as his hand keeps staying on my back.

In my mind I go over the list of things I know are true. A method the capitol doctors told me to do when I had my first crashout about the body modifications.

My name is Julie Rosewell.

I won the 63rd hunger games.

I'm not alone.

I'm alive.

I live in district 12.

Haymitch is with me.

Haymitch!

I snap myself out of my thoughts and look up. Haymitch brought us to a corner where not many people are. He talks to me, but I don't quite hear him.

"What?" I ask him a bit uneven, forcing my mind back to the presence.

He exhales a long breath as if he is relieved I'm finally responding again.

"I said you're save. He won't touch you," he repeats for me. His hand moved from my back to my ellbow. His touch isn't strong, but present enough that I know he's here.

I take deep breaths, trying not to let myself get stressed. Trying to keep the memories from flooding my mind.

"Yeah," I breath out.

Haymitch looks at me for a bit before speaking again.

"Can you go through with the agenda?"

I nod in answer.

"Yeah. Thank you."

"Never thank me for this," he responds with determination in his tone.

I look into his eyes and see that there is a storm inside him. Anger, protectiveness, concern and like always, this hint of guilt.

"We should move to our seats," I remind him as he nods and we move through the crowd again. He keeps his hand slightly on my ellbow as we reach our seats and we wait till the carriage show starts.

I know watching the carriages always takes a toll on Haymitch. Chad told me once something happened on his own ride. I never asked what happened. I felt like it wasn't my business to pry in.

I lean a bit closer to him as he did the same, our shoulders softly brushing but nothing more. To us it reminds us that we both aren't alone. To others it simply seems that we sit close in a crowded space.

I'm glad I haven't said too much to the sponsors before as I watch the carriage show. The new stylists work is clearly better than I could have imagined. The whole arena shouts Katniss' name as she and Peeta are in flames and hold hands like they are an unbreakable force.

After the show we meet them backstage. Effie is already there, telling them how fantastic they looked.

Haymitch and Katniss start to mock each other before Haymitch quickly ushers us towards the elevator. I follow Haymitchs gaze and see that Cato, the career from district two, eyes Katniss and Peeta as if he wants to skin them alive.

Effie explains to Katniss and Peeta that they get the penthouse while Haymitch and I just desperately wait to finally get away from all the people.

Once we're in the apartment everyone scatters to their rooms to freshen up before dinner. Haymitchs and my bedroom are both upstairs.

I still feel this inner turmoil inside me. The thought of another capitol man all over me while I have to pretend I enjoy it makes me sick to my stomach.

I leave to get inside my room, but before I can close the door Haymitch suddenly walks past me inside my bedroom. He doesn't say a word, just takes off his jacket and throws it over the mirror that's inside the room.

It isn't much, but my body untenses a bit. I completly forgot about it and probably would have slipped right into my body-induced panic if I saw myself in a mirror right now.

"Figured you wouldn't remember it right now," is all Haymitch says as he looks at me. We both say nothing for a bit and then he moves to walk back outside but I step in his way.

"Will you stay for a bit?" I ask without thinking. Usually I leave him so he can have his peace, but my body decided that it doesn't want to be alone right now.

He looks at me as if he tries to figure something out before he nods.

I sit down on the bed and he chooses the chair at the table where the mirror is at.

"You doing okay?" he asks me.

"I'll manage."

"They won't get you again, Julie."

I look at him as he says these words. I nod slowly, tho I'm not sure I quite believe him.

"They'll find a way if they really want to."

He knows I'm right. That no matter how hard he tries to protect me, if Snow tells me to do something I'd have to comply.

I swallow as I take off my shoes, push the covers to the other side of the bed and lay down. I feel tired after this day, and the flashbacks earlier made me quite exhausted.

"I'll stay till you fell asleep," I hear Haymitch speak.

"Thank you."

I don't fall asleep immediately. There's still too much on my mind for that. But after a bit I feel how my eyelids slip shut. His presence makes me feel calmer.

I'm still slightly on edge, but knowing he is there makes the feeling bearable. As sleep starts to pull me under its spell and just as I think to myself that I never want him to be really gone from me, I feel someone gently pull the covers over my shoulder, making sure I stay warm.

I dodge the body-large mirror in the hallway since apparently the blanket i draped over it fell down overnight. I cant stand seeing my body. After surving the arena and waking up, I noticed they made changes to my body. Changes so I'd look more beautiful to the Capitol. My breasts are bigger, my waist slimmer, my hips slightly wider, my ass fuller.

Snow surely wanted to sell my body just like he did with other beautiful victors, but what he didnt think about was that I'd go nuts about it. Whenever i see any body part that has gotten altered, panic rises inside me. To me, it looks like my body looks inhuman, like it is an alien. Not very arousing in bed when I cry panicked and try to scratch my skin away to get the modifications out.

It has gotten better over the years but never fully went away. I avoid looking at myself to not trigger any stress, any panic.

The smell of eggs in the air surrounds me as I move towards the kitchen. I see Claude standing there, drumming his fingers to a tune only he can hear. He's a 21 year old boy from the seam. I've seen his mother beg a peacekeeper to let him off the hook because he stole some bread for his family. He got away with a few leashes to his back, and later i asked him if he wants to work for me. Just some easy stuff, keeping the dust away, taking out the trash. He started cooking for me too on his own. I found out later that he couldn't work in the mines because he'd been in an accident as a kid and got some nerve damage in his hands from it, making him unable to hold heavy stuff or not to shake.

Which is the reason why he had troubles getting a job, which led to him stealing. Now he does my easy work, nothing too heavy, while i pay him so his family has a few less troubles.

"Good morning," he greets me without turning around as he got used to me standing randomly behind him. I greet him back and sit down as he places a plate with scrambled eggs infront of me. I eye them unimpressed.

"You gotta eat something, no matter the day."

I keep eyeing the eggs for a bit before eating a few bites.

"I thought i told you you dont have to come by today."

Claude gives me a smirk.

"You'll be gone to the Capitol for the next weeks, i wouldn't want to miss the chance to say goodbye."

I scoff at his words, tho the corners of my mouth slightly twitch up. That's why i like having him around, he's easy. Not complicated like the rest of this world. No hidden strategies, no being carefull, no lies. Just simple work for simple money with simple conversation and sometimes teasing.

I finish the eggs he made me and stand up, telling him I'll leave his payment for the time I'm gone at the table, and that he should finish up here quickly and spend some time with his younger brother, who unfortunatly is still in the reaping pot this year. Claude thanks me and I walk out of the house, my house.

It still doesnt feel right to call it my house, eventho I've been living in it for the past 11 years. I take some deep breaths of fresh air and make my way to the hob. I eat one of Greasy Saes soups and make light conversation with her before getting some more soup to take with me.

She looks at me knowingly and tells me to greet Haymitch from her. I nod before retreating back to Victors village and take another deep breath before opening Haymitchs door. I know it's no use knocking since he'll be out cold like always.

The smell that hits my face is something I'll never get used to. It smells like vomit, dirty laundry and unwashed dishes with a hint of mouse waste. I shake my head like always as I'm avoiding to kick over some empty liquor bottles that lay on the floor as I make my way inside.

As I reach the living room I stop and lean against the doorframe. There he is, in his full glory: messy hair, dirtied skin, a half empty bottle in one hand, a knife in the other, some spilled liquor on his shirt and drool running down his cheek as he is, as predicted, black out drunk on the sofa.

I sidestep the trash on the floor as I place the soup I took with me from Greasy Sae on the table, out of his reach for now. I sigh as I pry the knife from his grip.

"Haymitch. Haymitch. Haaaaymitch," I call out, dragging his name at the third time as i try to softly shake him awake.

The only progress I make is that the liquor bottle finally slips out of his hand and falls to the floor. I again sigh as I walk to the kitchen and fill a cup with water. I ready myself and stay out of range as I spill it over him, right onto his face.

He shoots up with a loud holler, like a war scream as he swings his empty hand where his knife was in just a few minutes ago. After he calmed down he looks at me.

"What's your damn problem? Waking someone up like that?"

He sounds clearly offended and worn-out as I push the soup towards him.

"Greetings from Greasy Sae," is the only answer he gets from me as I start drawing back curtains and open some windows. He grumbles under his breath before starting to eat the soup.

I know better than to wish him a happy birthday, but the soup is kind of my present to him, and he knows that.

"Go shower Haymitch," I tell him as I look around, and somehow his house seems to get worse everytime I come around eventho I'm quite sure it doesnt change that much.

"Stop looking around my house in such a disapproving way," he grumbles towards me as I look back to him.

"You sure you dont want me to clean up even a little bit?"

"Positive."

"Haymitch this is...I dont even know how to describe it."

"Well it's not your business what this is, now is it?"

I sigh again. We had this conversation several times before, but the outcome never changes.

"Get ready for the reaping later. Go shower, I'm serious about that. We'll see each other downtown later."

With those words I start leaving his house, while he calls after me.

"Well aren't you a Ray of Sunshine!"

I close his door behind me and again take a deep breath. In and out. No stress. Everything will be fine. Only two more children sentenced to death today while my co-mentor is practically another child I have to take care of. But no stress.

Time flies by fast and I sit at the stage with the mayor giving his annual speech. Haymitch is no where to be seen and I supress another shake of my head. The mayor is almost finished and they'll show the short film of the betrayal of the districts to the capitol in a bit when I finally see him stumbling towards us. He lets himself fall into the chair next to me, grumbling around as i shoot him a glare. I immediately notice he drank some more since I left, but he at least showered.

We watch the reaping silently, but I notice as Primrose Everdeens name is drawn and her sister volunteers for her that Haymitch tenses a bit. I glanze over but he doesnt meet my eyes, it's like he remembers something but tries to not let it show. I leave it at that and after the male tribute got drawn we move ahead to the train station.

His destination on train is of course the bar compartment. I follow him and sit next to him at the bar. The first thing he does is throwing off his shoes, and I notice he was barefoot in them. Then he fills a glass up for himself and downs it before filling another, altho he holds back from throwing it back like the first one.

I look at him and notice the tension in his hands, how his knuckles turn slightly white around the glass. He holds back his exessive drinking when I'm next to him, so him downing the first one is already a sign that something really bothers him.

"I won't ask what it is," I tell him as I get myself a glass, pouring only a few sips of liquor in it, "but you can get drunk about it."

He only shakes his head slightly, looking at the glass like it offended him. I see the flicker of slight guilt in his eyes. The bigger part of me hates it, another very smaller part is satisfied.

I remind myself I can't blame him for what happened back then, even when he blames himself. I dont remind him of that tho since I know he'll only shoot me down and think about it even more.

My glass empties slowly as I prepare myself to talk with the new tributes. I take deep breaths. In and out. No stress. I notice that Haymitchs gaze moves towards me as I start taking deep breaths, like he's checking how affected I am this year.

The reaping affects all of us in many different ways. But my body can't handle stress that well, so I have to try and stay calm. Otherwise I'll lose myself in memories and pain of long past days. Haymitch knows that. He might not be the softest human being on earth, but he does take care of me. Just like I take care of him.

I make sure he eats while he makes sure his door is unlocked so I can come over after a bad nightmare. I watch out when he passes out from being drunk and he takes care that I find to myself again after looking into a mirror. I make sure to not remind him of what happened years ago, and he tries to keep the drinking down in my presence.

I keep sipping my drink as he keeps looking at me. At some point I swallow.

"Is it mean that I'm glad about the fact the 12 year old didn't have to be here?" I ask quietly as I look down at the table.

"No. Compared to the survival chances a twelve year old has to a sixteen year old, it makes perfect sense you're relieved about it," he answers me honestly as he takes another sip.

This time I look at him, and against my better judgement I ask him anyway.

"Do you know her? Everdeen?"

His hand tightes around the glass again and at first I'm scared he'll close up like he so often does, but then his voice clings through the air, still with a grumble but softer than before.

"Knew her father."

A pang of pity goes through my chest but I quickly swallow it down. No one needs pity. No one wants pity, especially not Haymitch.

I look at my glass again before softly murmuring a "I'm sorry" towards him. He aknowledges it with a grunt before he takes another sip.

We stay next to each other for a bit, even when the train starts moving, signaling us that Katniss and Peeta arrived after saying goodbye to their loved ones. We just stay in each others presence. Familiar and comfortable. Only after a while I stand up.

"Come on. Lets greet them," I tell him.

As he makes no effort to move I softly hold his sleeve and pull slightly on it, signaling him to get going. He grumbles but eventuelly bucks, standing up slowly with his now empty glass.

We make our way towards the compartment where the tributes usually wait in. As we arrive I open my mouth to greet them as Haymitch stumbles past me.

"Congratulations," he tells them before deciding for another drink. He then opens a metal can and asks quite annoyed where the ice is.

Peeta shakes his head and tells him he doesn't know, while I huff annoyed and sit down infront of Katniss while Haymitch practically throws the lid back onto the can and then sits down next to me.

"Well, first of all, hello. I know this must be hard for you. Were you able to say goodbye to everyone you wanted to?" I speak before Haymitch had another chance to make us more dislikeable with his attitude.

Peeta looks like he's about to cry again as he nods while Katniss doesn't respond at first, but then gives me a curt nod.

"So uhm, when do we start?" Peeta asks looking at Haymitch, who clearly is in no mood to answer any questions right now.

"So eager. Most of you aren't in such a hurry," Haymitch waves him off an takes another sip of his drink.

I roll my eyes at his words, huffing out a breath as I already know where this will end.

"You're supposed to help us, teach us how to survive, to get sponsors. You're our mentor."

"Oh. Alright," Haymitch speaks, pretending like he thinks about the best advice to give, "Embrace the probability of your imminate death, and know, in your heart, that there is nothing we can do to save you."

I want to jump out of the train at his words. He never is the softest with the tributes, but this is worse than usual.

"Why are you here then?" Katniss snaps suddenly, clearly also irritated at his words.

"For the refreshments," Haymitch states as if nothing was wrong with that, and I have to hold myself back from ellbowing him into his side.

"Alright, that's enough of that-" Peeta tries to get a hold of Haymitchs drink, but Haymitch pins him back with his foot. For the local drunk he really has amazing reflexes. Altho with the movement his drink got spilled onto his pants and some landed on my shirt. Haymitch doesn't look amused at Peeta as he looks at our clothes.

"Now you made me spill my drink on these fresh-new pants. And on my co-mentor," he states as he takes a napkin and starts rubbing it over the few drops that landed on my shirt. He grumbles as I let him do his work before he stops after a few moments and stands up, claiming he'll finish his drink in his room.

Before I can say anything Peeta goes after him, determined to change his mind. I lay my head in my hands, taking deep breaths again. In and out. When I look up again, Katniss is looking at me. I raise an eyebrow.

"What?" I ask her, knowing that look. Something burns on her tongue to get said.

"How do you manage that?" she asks me, clearly meaning Haymitch. I sigh before answering.

"You get used to it. He is very capable. And smart. He just has...very bad coping mechanisms."

Katniss nods before looking at the wet spots on my shirt.

"Never thought he'd care about some spilled drink on someone elses shirt."

I know what she means. On the outside he isn't the type to care about others. But I know why he acts that way around me, but these information are not for others to know.

"He'll suprise you in many ways," I ensure her as I stand up. "I go check if these two killed each other. You should go back to your compartment. Rest a bit."

I don't wait for her response as I leave and walk in the direction of the mentors-compartment where Haymitchs and my room is.

Next Chapter

A/N:

Well, that was the first chapter, I sure hope it isn't too boring :)

It started as a normal day where the Red Force docked on an island and you were out with Shanks roaming through the streets and looking at vendors and shops.

You two have been dating for quite some time, and the world knew you as red haired Shanks' better half, so most of them treated you extra nicely in fear of the emperor. Still, Shanks was always near you, due to his relationship with you you became a target to his enemies.

You and Shanks were having fun, him being his usual self, joking and trying all kinds of alcohol at the different food and drink stands.

Lime Juice and others of your crew were at one market stand, and Shanks and him had a small drinking competition. You leaned at a house wall and watched them smiling as Shanks laughter got louder and louder over the minutes, as someone next you said your name suddenly.

"Is that really you?", said the voice as you turned around and your mother stood there.

You were suprised. You haven't seen your family in ages, and the good-bye with them wasn't a very good one either. You didn't miss your family, especially not your mother, who only cared about image and what others thought of you.

"I shouldn't be suprised seeing you here, after the announcement came that pirates docked at this island", she said in a condescending voice.

You swallowed, as you weren't prepared to suddenly meet your mother again. You haven't told Shanks about your relationship with your family, but he never asked. He seemed to understand that your family was a chapter in your life which you had closed already.

"At first I was suprised when I heard the rumors that you and red haired Shanks were a couple. I couldn't believe that an emperor of the sea would be interested in my child", she laughed.

"But then when there were pictures of you in the newspaper, next to that man, i finally believed it. And in the end it all made sense to me. Why haven't I thought of this before? Of course would my inconsiderate good-for-nothing kid go with a drunk criminal without even thinking what it meant for family. What it meant for me! My child is now a criminal! Can you even imagine what the neighbors thought of your father and me?! We had to move to another island so people would stop looking at us"

You looked at your mother with wide eyes as she started getting louder and louder.

"Don't talk about Shanks that way! He is more than just that! He and his crew are the best thing that ever happened to me", you spoke back, and a heated argument between you two arose.

Your mother yapped about having born a criminal and that it is your duty to repay her for giving birth to you, while you argumented back that all you ever did was living for her, how she wanted you to be.

The fight between you and your mother quickly caught the attention from the people around. Shanks stood up and walked closer, but he didn't intervent for now. He knew you could fight your own battles, eventho he was concerned what exactly was happening. Lime Juice, Hongo and others of your crew also watched closely, ready to jump that woman if she went too far.

"Shanks gave me a family I'm proud of. They accept me for who I am! All you ever did was pressing me in a role of the perfect child with the perfect mother!"

"You ungrateful brat! I did everything to make you look good and you can't even thank me for that? I should've thrown you in a trash can when you were a baby. I wish you were never born!", she yelled at you and slapped you across the face.

You stood there, motionless, as you slowly realized what just happened. Before you could turn your head back from the slap, Shanks moved infront of you. His Haki was flowing around him as the crowed quickly got smaller as the smart ones all went to hide. Your mother tried to act tough, but it didn't even last a few seconds as she crumbled before him, tears streaming down her face in fear.

"You can insult me as much as you want, but never. ever. say a bad thing about my queen."

His aura alone got your mother to apologize endlessly and to beg him to spare her life. Shanks was angry, and an angry Shanks is something you never want to witness. He isn't loud and he isn't throwing hands, he is just, quiet, consuming of all your senses. He's your nightmare.

You stood behind him, holding your cheek as Hongo touched your back. His eyes were checking over your frame for injuries. You could also see Benn standing a few feet away, leaning against a house wall as he watched everything with his brows furrued.

A feeling of protection came over you, but your heart still ached. You never had the best relationship with your mother, but she never said anything so cruel to you. You slowly turned around and started walking towards the Red Force. You knew you could leave the rest to Shanks. He wouldn't kill her, she was still your mother, but he'd make sure she'll never came near you again. His crew followed you, with a respectfull distance to not smother you, but still close enough that everyone could see they were ready to kill for you.

Back at the Red Force you went to your joined room with Shanks. You sat on the bed and stared at the wall. Only after some time did you realize you were crying. Not long after you heard the door opening and then quietly closing again. Shanks walked up to you and slowly sat on the bed behind you. He moved his arms around you and gently brought you to his chest.

He didn't talk at first, just let you settle in his arms and cry. He kissed your forehead from the side.

"You are the world, darling. The only good thing this woman has ever done, was bringing you into this world. I couldn't think of what I'd do without you. I love you, and I want you to know that you're appreciated for who you are."

At first you didn't respond, you just moved and buried your head in his chest as he gently held you.

"Thank you for being my family", you said after some time, and Shanks smiled into your hair, pressing gentle kisses on your hairline.

"Always, my love"

You looked at Ace and his new arm tattoo - A S C E. He smiled like he always does.

"Was the typo of your name on purpose?" you asked him teasingly.

His smile dropped a bit as he looked at it. Then he shrugged.

"At least it makes it even more uniquie, doesn't it?" and there his smile was again.

It made you happy everytime you remembered this, which led to your desicion of also getting a tattoo of your name - with a typing mistake in it. It wasn't as big as his, just a small one on the underside of your wrist.

You couldn't wait for Ace to return to the ship and show him. The moment he returned he went to you and asked you how your day has been and how much you missed him. He noticed that you were hiding something, so he asked you what it was.

At first you were teasing him, not telling him what you did, but then he gave you that sleek smile and puppy eyes, begging to know until you gave in and showed him your small tattoo on your arm.

He laughed happily, adoration in his eyes as he picked you up and spun you around. For him, it was proof of the connection you two had.

Shanks

You sat in the captains office and looked at Shanks who was unusally quiet. You had an anxious feeling in your guts. You knew you had fucked up, but you didnt think he would be that mad.

The red hair pirates docked at some uninhabited island, and you were assigned to not leave the ship since Shanks wasnt sure how dangerous the island would be. But when you saw a strange animal falling from a tree and into a river, trying desperately not to drown and reach the shore again but couldnt make it, you left the ship and jumped into the river and helped the animal out of there. The scared animal didnt realice you only wanted to help him, and trashed around in your grip and scratched and bit you.

When Shanks and a part of his crew came back from exploring the island, and he saw that you were standing on deck, soaked from head to toe and trying to clean up your bloody injuries, his usually carefree face fell. He wore an unreadable expression as he told you to come into his cabin when Hongo was done treating your wounds.

Now, half an hour later and bandaged up, you sat in Shanks office and looked at your lap. He still had that unreadable expression on his face and you werent sure in what kind of trouble you were right now. You had breaken the rules before, nothing too bad, but he never acted like that because of you. You thought that he'd understand why you left, everyone knew that you had a soft spot for animals.

You anxiously waited for him to start talking, but he didnt even look at you. After another silent ten minutes, he finally said something.

"What did Hongo say?"

"He said that it is nothing too bad, just some scratches. I need to go check up regulary tho in case of infection and if I feel weird I am supposed to go to him instantly. Hongo checks the books right now if the animal that bit me is poisenous or not."

You gladly would have left out the last part, but you knew you shouldnt do that right now. He would talk with Hongo and find out anyway.

There was another short silence before he spoke again.

"What did I tell you to do? No, what did I order you to do?"

"To stay on the ship" you quietly said.

"And what did you do?"

"I...left the ship."

"You disobeyed my orders. That's what you did. No matter what relationship we two have, I am your captain and you have to follow my orders like everyone else on this ship."

You were quiet for some time. You didnt mean to disappoint him, but you didnt think about his orders when you saw that helpless animal fighting for its life.

"I'm sorry. I only wanted to help the-"

"I dont care what you wanted to do. You had clear orders. Orders, which were meant to protect you. Protect you from exactly those animals that hurt you. We have no idea if they are venomous, or aggresive, or a religious species for any natives that live here."

You stayed silent. The uneasy feeling in your stomach growing by the second. Sadness and fear joined that feeling too. You thought he'd understand you, but in the end you just disrespected him infront of his crew with ignoring his orders.

"I'm sorry for messing up" was all you could get out in that moment, and you heard Shanks sigh. He stood up from behind his desk and walked over to you.

"What am I supposed to do with you? Even when i try to protect you you still seem to find a way to end up in Hongos medical office. Why cant you just listen to me?"

His tone was softer than before, and you finally dared to look up at him. He had a worried expression on his face.

"I- I didnt think in that moment" you admitted as he bend his tall frame down to you, looking at your bandaged hand where that animal bit you.

"You have no idea how it felt to see you all bloody on deck. How it feels to know that you could die if that animal was highly venomous" he said, gently touching your arm.

You avoided his eyes and looked at the stump of his left arm.

"Yes I do know how that feels. I didnt want to make you experience this too. I'm sorry."

He sighed again, moving his hand under your chin and forced you gently to look him in the face.

"Never do that again. I love you too much for that."

Trafalgar D Water Law

You didn't look at him as he walked past you. You both ignored each other since the argument you had. You felt frustrated and angry at him, but mostly because he was right.

There was an emergency at the submarine, something about the boiler malfunctioning in the middle of the night. You were the closest to it so you tried to fix it, but you werent an engineer - you weren't sure what to do so you just improvised and tried your best until the persons who knew what to do came. Before that happened, hot water splashed onto your arm leaving a nasty burn on it.

Law had bandaged you up, but you noticed something wasn't right with him so you asked him. Which resulted in a heated argument between you two which ended with him snapping at you.

"If you have no idea of something then why do you even try? You're no help here, we just have more work now because of you."

Your eyes got teary when you thought back to his words, but it hurts even more knowing he was right. He had more work because he had to bandage you up, while your crewmembers probably had to fix the boiler more because you damaged it even more with your improvised actions.

You self doubted your worth on this crew now. Sure, you knew how to fight, but that was it. You could bandage up small injuries and cook, but in the end everyone knew how to do that. You had no specialty like the others.

With frustration bubbling up inside you that your captain and lover thought of you as an useless inconvinience, you started working even more. You didn't take a break, you just cleaned the Polar Tank or trained. The burn on your arm hurt most of the time, but you didn't care. You wanted to prove yourself that you weren't just on this crew because you and the Captain were dating.

You asked Shachi if he could explain to you how the boiler and stuff worked. He was perplexed as why you wanted to know that, but you convinced him with saying that next time an emergency happend you could actually help. He agreed, tho he knew that Law wouldn't be so happy about you working when you're already injured.

He explained stuff to you in the engine room and of course, no other than Trafalgar D. Water Law walked in on you two while you were trying to name some parts of the enginge. He looked displeased and coldly said your name and then just walked off.

You didn't want to follow him, but knew that he would be even more pissed if you ignored him. He led you two to the infirmary and told you to sit on the exam table. He then grabbed your hand and unwrapped your bandanges.

"What do you think you're doing, y/n-ya?" he spoke calmly, but you immediately noticed that he was holding back.

"Learning new stuff so next time i can actually help" you answered in a snippy tone.

"You won't do anything next time. I don't allow you to" he said while turning around.

You started to argue back that you just tried to be a help when he interupted you mid-sentence.

"How do you want to be of help when you cant even look after your own wound!"

"You were the one who told me I wasnt capable of anything, and now it's wrong when i try to become usefull!" you almost yelled back, tears of frustration and hurt in your voice.

"I never said you weren't capable of anything, I simply stated that-"

"You said I am no help, that I have no idea what I'm doing and that you all have more work because of me!"

A tear rolled down your face and you started shaking slightly as Law looked at you with widend eyes. He grabbed his hat and pulled it over his eyes as he looked down.

"That wasn't what I meant. I just...you got hurt on my submarine while I was present. I- you shouldn't have gotten hurt when I'm there to protect you."

You looked at him with wide eyes, the tears now streaming down your face.

"You are more than capable of sorting stuff out on your own, you are a big help to everyone on this crew. I didn't mean to insult you or tell you you aren't worthy to be here. It's just...this could have ended up bad. And now I see you working in there again. I can't have you getting injured when I'm just a few feet away" he added as he walked towards you and grabbed your face so you'd look him in the eye.

"I want you to be safe, y/n-ya. And i failed to do that. You and this crew, you're everything I have. I'm a doctor but I can't heal everything. I'm sorry for insulting you, my heart."

CORAZON

Give this man a break, he's already undercover to make sure his brother doesn't step too much over the line

You two are dating in secret. Corazon was scared that his brother would use you against him, and the thought of that alone broke him already. Corazon knew his brother wouldn't be scared to pull everything to get his will, and if that meant hurting you so Corazon would do what he wants, then Doflamingo wouldn't hesitate. That's why he insisted on keeping your relationship a secret

Also he doesn't like any of the family, so he didn't want them to get investigated into his realtionship with the person he adores and loves so much

It was a normal day when you approached him. When you two were with the family, it was mostly just small touches, featherlight and short so no one would get suspicious about it

You carelessly let your hand wander over his chest while passing him, and you could suddenly feel how he tenses. He wanted to take a step back but (ofc) he slipped and fell

He almost let out a sound infront of the others, but damn you grazed exactly over his nipples and he had to do everything to keep any noises to himself

The others didn't notice what exactly happened, they thought he just slipped like usually

But you noticed that it was something different

The next moment you two had some alone time, you asked him. Corazon wanted to play it off as him just being clumsy, but you grazed his chest again just like you did the last time, and this man moaned

He couldn't hold it in as the sudden sensation went through his body

You looked at him flabbergastered as he unconsciously arched his back more into your touch

Corazon and you had been in a relationship for some time now but you never noticed this wonderfull aspect about him

He blushed, and immediately knew he was in for a ride when he saw your mischievous smile

LAW

You found out in bed one time when you wanted to give him head

He beautfully arched his back and threw his head back, blushing after he realized that you found another one of his weak spots

He regrets that you found out almost every time when you wanted to get him going but he exused the idea with saying he has too much work to do

He sits at his work table and tries to work, dismissing the idea of going to sleep or anything else that has to do with something else than working

You would step behind him, move your arms to his front and just hug him

He enjoys your hug, but then your arms sneak up, and suddenly you roll and pinch at his nipples

He can't help but moan as he feels his pants grow tighter

He tries to keep all the noises in, to ignore it and push you away, but you just say how adorable he looks when he is blushing and acting like this and he immediately gives up

Gives into you every time, especially when you threaten him that if he doesnt start looking more after his own health and takes care of himself you'll start doing this infront of his crewmembers

You do have to help him release the ache you caused ofc