I'm up another level

Dylan: So like sexy ones like slutty nurse, slutty cheerleader or skanky stewardess are a no for you too?

Dylan: How much of a limit?

Dylan: She does not. You and your betrothed fucked on Halloween, it does not mean she has costume kink going on. Dipshit.

Dylan: And YOUR betrothed doesn't agree, but for the sake of a good cause you both can agree to disagree. Your betrothed doesn't know yet. She's thinking on it.

Dylan: Nah too easy. Also if my betrothed doesn’t know that in the text messaging app that texts are sorted by most recent texts and not alphabetically, then maybe fucking him stupider WILL have dangerous ramifications because clearly he is too far gone.

Dylan: Andy Andy Andy, what does one text a guy almost exactly a week after you’ve fucked him stupider than he already is for the first time?

Dylan: 🙄

Sofia: I am thrilled to hear about how life is going for my fellow colleagues. And for those in school, I hope that the beginning of the semester is going well.

Dylan: That's exactly what I would do if I was asking for any reason other than to see if you'd tell me. Sure trust has to start SOMEWHERE, but idk I think it shouldn't start THERE. Confiding in your future spouse that doesn't like you is much stupider than never confiding at all.

Dylan: The part where you really told me everything you're afraid of just because I randomly asked even though you KNOW I hate you. The lame was about your fears, not you telling me btw. THAT was just stupid.

Dylan: I just wanted to see if you'd tell me. Lame.

Dylan: What scares you? In order of least to most scary, pls

Dylan: Then maybe you need a better best friend?

Dylan: Wanna see how many typos I can put into the rest of our texts from now on? I'm not sure they'll be legible anymore but idrc! Glad you think so, I guess. It probably would be better in the long run if I could just do something to you now and get it over with, but I can't so you're just gonna have to settle for whatever else I can come up with instead. Okay sure. I'll pretend I believe that :)

Raul: I don't think so, she's a pretty great friend. I think it's me. To be honest, I'm not a fan of the term "best friend". It sounds a bit too close for comfort for my taste. I've always mostly had a group of friends or advisors; I wouldn't even know what best friends are for other than what they do on television.

Dylan: He’s my best friend, of course it’s intimate. Don’t you have any friends that think of you as an equal??

Dylan: Maybe! The better than you part is definitely going to happen because dub it’s the truth. I didn’t mean THIS is a petty grudge, I mean I don’t let go of petty grudges easily in general. So the one I have against you is not petty and absolutely 100% never ending. Especially since I can’t really exact revenge on you because it would probably bite me in the ass later. Not in specific, you’re just a man. I would assume that for our situation, the other woman wouldn’t just be for fucking but for all your emotional needs as well?

Raul: Of course I do. That's how I think about Sofia, but I'd hardly describe our friendship as "intimate".

Dylan: What you’re hearing is I hate them both and will answer neither. They don’t! The only one that comes the closest is Duncan and that’s just because I’ve forced sense on him through osmosis or like mind melding or who knows what. Good to know :)

Dylan: Yeah, lets keep that to a minimum for awhile?? Compliments about how smart, better than you and intensely cool I am are perfectly acceptable! Yeah obviously, but you didn’t know I can hold the longest pettiest grudges on earth. I don’t think there’s any way that I would’ve picked up on that energy. I just kind of naturally assumed you would’ve? That’s why I assumed you’d had sex already. I wouldn’t feel demeaned if you had, I know I’m a hot piece of ass that anyone would be lucky to have but We Don’t Like Each Other so it’s not like I’d care. It does seem to be pretty agreed upon but I do wanna repeat that, I am NOT a virgin because I knew I was supposed to be stuck with you forever. It’s just a coincidence!

Raul: You've... mind melded with Duncan? That sounds oddly intimate, I'm not going to lie to you. It's good to know some humans out there understand, though.

Dylan: Facetimes are just as annoying as phone calls. Except you can’t even multitask because the other person can see that you’re not paying complete attention. IT WAS! Could you even imagine someone like that idiot Audrey having to walk people all through her dumb castle and gardens for spare pocket change? Humans make no sense, we’re the ones with the power to walk on land and sea and speak to all kinds of creatures, obviously we’re BETTER than them all. You are SO right. I can’t tell you how glad I am we’re on the same page here. I kind of figured because of your family’s past but y’know considering the present you can never be too sure.

Dylan: It’s so weird when you compliment me. Stop it. Celibacy is something you chose but you didn’t exactly chose me holding a grudge forever and ever. No, why would I be kidding? Before I found out you were a virgin, I was like half sure that was just going to be the thing with us. Like DJ Cygnet’s engaged to Karmen Inka but he’s DEFINITELY fucking this random blonde girl in our grade and she’ll probably be his mistress when he marries Karmen. Which I’m sure Karmen like fully knows because I hear they’re “roommates” and who tf would let that slide if they didn’t.

Raul: So what I'm hearing is you'd prefer phone calls to Facetiming then. Humans definitely make no sense. Maybe us being so much more powerful is precisely what threatens them and makes them so keen to try and supress us. Same here -- I kind of figured you would be too, but it's good to know for sure. I'm grateful for the peace that my family has established with the land kingdoms surrounding us, as that's infinitely better than losing our soldiers in a never ending war. However, I'm also aware that many "peace" states are temporary, especially when the core issue of not being seen as equals hasn't really been dealt with.

Dylan: It’s definitely got to be an older than me thing because if I want to talk to someone and feel like I’m not just talking to a phone, I’d just talk in person. It’s absolutely heinous. I could go on a rant for years about how awful this country is for how they treat my people. But yeah, there has to be a solution and I really hope we manage to find one. Ben’s big solution to our complaints when we tried to raise them with him was…incredibly insulting.

Dylan: Well damn. I’ve definitely kissed people before. Mostly for reasons absolutely devoid of feelings but omg. That’s so sad. I can’t imagine going that long without doing anything with anyone. But also I’ve never gone out of my way to be a dick to someone with disabilities so maybe that’s karma. I didn’t think you were going to do anything at me, but like you still wouldn’t like get a mistress or something like that to FINALLY sleep with someone?

Dylan: GOOD.

Raul: Yeah, but you can't always meet up in person. I guess I do like Facetime too, anything that lets me see and hear a person is good. It was a patronizing response at the very best and just cruel and unusual at its worst; I can't imagine he would treat any other kingdom the way he's treating yours, and why? Just because we happen to live underwater? As if that makes us less than, like we're fish or something. It kills me. But one day they'll realize all their wrongdoing. We'll make it so. And we'll get what's rightfully ours.