Disgusting

It was the best father’s day ever, as far as Chase was concerned. His kids really stepped up to the plate this time.

They pooled their money together for a pleasure-bot for their old man. They didn’t have a lot of money between them - they all majored in philosophy and art - but they found out about a fascinating new bot on the market.

It was called the Digital Ejaculation Sexual Pleasure Android, or DESPA for short. The machine operated on the “freemium” business model; the hardware was cutting edge, but was virtually worthless without a jerking subscription, which was not included in the low retail price.

They had chosen one of the lower end DESPA models, the Cool Touch Operation trim level. When the machine arrived at Chase’s house, he was floored.

He opened the box and briefly thumbed through the expansive owner’s manual. He simply couldn’t wait to get his meat in this bot!

He powered it up, and touched the hands. Cool, smooth plastic, just like he had always dreamed of. He ordered it to jerk, and the machine complied. He could tell the machine had state-of-the-art biometric feedback scanners - it was responding to every twitch in real time.

When he was close to the edge, the machine stopped, and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Insufficient EJAC credits. Please contact customer support. Powering down for ninety seconds.”

Chase sat back, puzzled. Why would it stop? He was so close!

He ordered it to jerk again as soon as it came back to life. Maybe it was a fluke, or some kind of glitch, he thought. The DESPA unit came back to life, again jerking him so right. The smooth, plastic hands felt so good.

He was ready to blow his top again, when the machine powered down. 

“Insufficient EJAC credits. Please contact customer support. Powering down for ninety seconds.”

He was enraged! He pulled his pants back up, and pored over the owner’s manual. What he read made his heart sink. He would have to pay a monthly fee to get jerked? What kind of monster would do that?

Chase was smart like a fox. He thought he could play it cool like a rugged man and not let the machine know how close he was. He figured he could surprise the machine with a load, and thus not have to pay.

Again, he ordered the machine to jerk. It had already gathered a lot of biometric feedback from Chase, so it knew just how to jerk him. It started strong, and soon Chase was on the edge. He held his breath, hoping the machine wouldn’t know what was going on.

“Insufficient EJAC credits.”

The words stung Chase’s ears as they hit. He was crestfallen. 

As an economist, Chase knew that there was no such thing as a free lunch, but he had hoped to at least get some free hors d'oeuvres. But the machine was clear and adamant about its paywall.