TEAM UP FOR SPECIAL ATTACK

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

the sexiest thing a woman can be is a cringe fujoshi with a very serious day job

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

stop with that nonchalant shit and bark for me

hey you guys my friend just told me i have a stain on my shirt (embarrassing) and hes put his finger on the shirt to indicate where it is. Im gonna look down so i can asses the stain situation

the enemy drank water today. did you?

i drank water three days ago. im several steps ahead of the enemy. this is what it takes to win

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”

it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”

okay, i hate men

Guy who’s not gonna make it voice: it’s gonna be so awesome when I finally get what I want

heartwarming: transfem named mary sue and transmasc named gary stu have had a beautiful nonbinary baby named donut steel

Growing up, older folks would always get confused when I expressed familiarity with media from their childhoods and would act incredulous when I attempted to explain the concept of reruns. They'd be like "How do you, a child of this fallen era, know of Looney Tunes" and I'd be like "Because it has never not been playing on television" and this would seem to be brand new information to them