Oxyopes ludopuella

if you don't know, OCD compulsions exist as stress release valves. those of us with OCD struggle with extreme (see: life-altering/ruining) anxiety brought on by intrusive thoughts. we enact/participate in (or: surrender to) compulsions which temporarily relieve this anxiety.

this could be as simple as:

intrusive thought: i forgot to lock the door before going to bed compulsion: getting up to check the door is locked

sounds simple and easily managed, until you're getting up every hour. every ten minutes. until as soon as you let go of the doorknob, the intrusive thought is already demanding you check again. until it's 5 AM, you haven't slept, and you're in tears still holding the doorknob.

in these ways, the compulsions which are supposed to relieve our anxiety take over our lives.

which is why, as much as many people just beginning to understand their OCD don't want to hear it, the only proven way to successfully treat & overcome OCD is to disobey the compulsions & rituals. ideally with gentle buildup over time, but which does sometimes mean going through every stage of a panic attack that feels life-ending simply because you're forcing yourself to stay in bed and not check the door.

anyway. One of my fav OCD education nonprofits, Made of Millions, defines avoidance: Avoiding objects, places and people that are related to the nature of your intrusive thoughts.

Avoidance is especially common among people with more 'taboo' intrusive thoughts, often violent or sexual intrusive thoughts.

Say your intrusive thought isn't about what you've failed to do (i.e. locking a door), but what you might do (i.e. cause harm). If you're up somewhere high, what if you jump to your death? What if you push someone else to their death? If you drive, what if you crash—accidentally, intentionally? If you hold a baby, what if you accidentally drop it? What if you experience a fit of uncharacteristic madness and throw the baby at a wall? If you spend a lot of time around your pet cat, what if you develop an attraction to the cat? Every time you pet your cat, you focus very hard on your body to see whether it's 'responding' inappropriately to the touch.

Avoidance becomes the ritual which your OCD promises will keep you safe from these and other catastrophes. You can't jump or push someone if you never go anywhere up high. You can't crash if you don't drive. You can't harm a child if you're never near one. You can't realize in horror you're attracted to your pet cat if you never pet it.

Quickly, your world shrinks. No more sitting out on your friend's apartment balcony on a nice summer evening. Don't go anywhere you might encounter—and thus harm—a child. Parks, museums, grocery stores, move theatres, walking down your own street are now off limits. Not that you can get any of those places. You don't drive anymore, remember? And you can't take the bus; there's kids there. You can't hold a job anymore either, by the way—no way to get there. Home is no comfort either. You miss snuggling your cat while you watch movies. But you keep her in other rooms, to protect her from you.

This is what avoidance looks like. And it starts small. You think you'll just cut one little thing out of your life—a sacrifice you can accept—and slowly but surely you lose the whole world.

This is why OCD recovery advocates are against embracing avoidance-based coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, many people don't realize avoidance is an OCD compulsion.

ERP (exposure response prevention) for these compulsions would look like standing on a deck. Kissing your cat on its head. Going to read at a bench by a playground. Driving to the store. Etc.

Just some things to consider if you're starting to think about (or already working on) overcoming OCD! It is possible.

STOP: This post is not for people without OCD to Morality Posture about violent and sexual intrusive thoughts. If you don't know the difference between intrusive thoughts and genuine desires, that's not my problem. Read up on OCD and its more 'taboo' themes on your own time, and stay out of the comments.