— Pick Your Flowers

He was more shadow than man.

Solid though he was, Billy only occupied the space of you in darkness, under any guise. It was only beneath your fingers that he was willed into existence.

"Are you real?" you murmured one night, skin-to-skin with him, the dancing candlelight causing clouds of darkness to flicker across his skin. He lifted his head to look at you with sleepy eyes, hair messy from your previous repeated motions through it.

"'Course I am, baby," he whispered, voice low as the valley. His hand was on the side of your face, caressing you there. "'m real 's could be."

"I'm never sure." You leaned into his hand. "Sometimes I think I've made you up."

Billy's eyes were soft, his touch gentle. You could see the melancholy overtake him as it often did at some point during your meetings. When the rush of seeing each other wore off and reality set in, dread overtook you, and you began to miss each other before either of you were gone.

It hadn't always been like this.

Once, it had been bliss, and you both, lovers which the bands of nothing could break. Your passion was unbridled, your souls intertwined. Never had two people experienced such feeling, you were convinced. No, you and Billy were written in the stars, destined for each other in ways the storybooks couldn't dream of.

Little had you known that 'written in the stars' was a broad term that could be narrowed down to 'star crossed'.

The consequences of his life had caught up to him. He became a man in hiding, one who couldn't stay solitary for fear of the law catching up to him. Billy rode against the wind, running from a fate that breathed down his neck. Spending nights in abandoned bases or flat under the darkened sky, he was alone, but safe.

Which left his sweetheart in twin condition.

His presence haunted your little home like a living ghost, just slightly out of reach. It was an ache that couldn't be soothed- to know your lover walked the earth without you. Your paths were no longer intertwined, but rather parallel; beside each other but never crossing.

He came to you when the coast was clear and the law was unwary, slinking into your bed and wrapping you in his arms, filling the chasm he always left in his absence.

Tossing his hat on your dresser, Billy fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, acknowledging you with a soft smile as he tossed the garment away and came to join you in your bed. You awaited him with sleepy eyes and eager hands, clutching at him the second you were able. He nuzzled your cheek. "Hey, sweet girl."

You immediately burrowed yourself into his body as was your habit, breathing in his scent, long and deep. It endeared you more that even though his means were considerably limited, it was clear he'd cleaned up to see you. The scent of campfire wasn't as strong, but the natural musk of him filled your senses like a delightful aphrodisiac.

Billy began his ritual, planting gentle, loving kisses to every corner and crook of you. He murmured assurances of his love in between each one, his words muffled by your skin. "'m baby...missed you so bad...couldn't take another night withoutcha...oh my love..."

He kissed you like you were a treasure, held you as if you were ethereal. Shifting so you were perched atop his hips, Billy took in the sight of you, eyes shining in the dark. His lips parted as he seemed to absorb the picture of your being.

You'd had enough of looking, and dove down to kiss him, lips moving against his slowly. He chuckled lightly into your mouth. "Impatient..."

"I missed you," you murmured, pulling back slightly. He had stars in his eyes as he gazed up at you. "I...I need you."

A bittersweet smile overtook him, and Billy took your face in his hands, gently touching his lips to your forehead. He rolled you over carefully and settled himself on top, your knees slightly bent and cradling his hips.

Moving down slightly on his elbows, Billy nudged his nose against yours, eyes roving down your body. He breathed, "Lemme take care 'f ya."

A thousand touches. Countless kisses. Dozens of sweet words and more to come still. You laid beneath him embodied in the aftermath of a frenzy of passion. His head rested on your chest, and your hand absentmindedly caressed his hair.

An abyss of emotions found you and settled in the space where Billy lay. Your lower lip wobbled as dawn approached, that awful impending event finding your residence and breaking the windows.

"I can't do this without you," you breathed, clinging to him as if you could stop what was predestined.

Billy lifted his head, eyes somber. "Oh, honey..."

"I need you..." you sniffled, tears stinging your eyes. "It's too much, being forced to live this way."

He turned on his side immediately, bringing you to rest in his arms, your face pressed to his chest. Rubbing your back and kissing your temple, he muttered, "'m sorry...y'know it has to be this way my love...y'know I'd never leave ya if it wasn't to keep you safe..."

"Let me come with you." Your words were pleading, and you looked up at him, hoping he would melt for your words and doe eyes like he was wont to do. Indeed, you could see his face allay, and hope pierced your heart.

But his words were disheartening. "Sweetheart...'m not puttin' you at risk like that."

"Please," you begged, tears dripping onto his chest. "I'm only surviving without you. It's been months since we were alive."

"Baby," Billy whispered. "I need you safe. That is my only priority. 'n you're not safe when you're with me." He kissed your lips gently. "I've gotta keep ya breathin'...I couldn't live with myself if my girl got hurt or worse cause I was careless."

Body shaking, you dissolved into tears, cursing the unfairness of the situation. You needed him like air, like water. Your soul was beginning to shrivel up and cave in on itself in the absence of its mate.

Billy rested his chin on your head, kissing your hair and stroking your arm. "'m sorry baby, 'm sorry."

You remained glued to that spot in his arms for the rest of the night, holding him tight, wishing your touch had the ability to ground him. Billy was the sun and moon, he was your purpose as far as you were concerned. You wished for relief, for some loophole that would allow you to do what you wanted.

But once the sun stretched its rosy fingers over the horizon, you had to let go.

It was a grueling process as always, and you could see the heartbreak in his eyes as he detangled himself from you. "Sweetie...angel...I've gotta go."

"You weren't even here a full day this time," you sniffled, trying to hang on.

"I know, oh I know, sweet girl, 'm so sorry," he gently pulled your hands away from his body, reaching for his shirt on the floor. "'ve gotta go."

"Don't, please stay," you whimpered, reaching out for him as he buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his trousers. Looking at you, his face fell, and he gave in, framing your face with his hands and kissing your forehead once, the scratch of his stubble brushing your smooth skin.

"Keep an eye on the horizon," he whispered, raining gentle kisses on your cheeks. "I'll be back 's soon as I can."

And so you let go. Just like you did every time.

Being with him was like sailing against the current. You fought for him every time, but it never seemed to stick. Fate's ocean steered you back in the direction it wanted you to go.

"You should just leave me," you murmured one night, sitting beside him on the mattress. The air was quiet, the tension palpable. It became more evident every time he came.

Billy turned his head fully to look at you. "I ain't doin' that."

"You're putting yourself in danger," you breathed, trying not to let the tears in your eyes show. "If you weren't chained to me, you could run far away from here, to where it's safe. You'd be free."

"Freedom ain't worth a damn if it means I can't hold you," he shook his head, turning and cupping your face in his hands. "We ain't chained. This is love. It binds us together."

"I can't stand the thought of you getting killed because you were coming home," you whispered, pulling away and standing up. "Don't come back after this."

"Baby-" Billy stood, trying to reach for you, but you wouldn't let him. "Don't say things like that. I need ya, don't ya see?" Finally, he caught hold of one of your hands, squeezing it. "Angel, you're my north star. I need you."

"What you need is to stay alive," you shook your head, pulling back. "Having me won't do you any good when there's a gun to your head." The words were biting but they had to be said.

"Why're ya pushin' me to leave?" he asked in disbelief, hands falling at his sides. Billy ran a frustrated hand through his hair, shaking his head once. "I'm ridin' days 'n my girl's the only thing that keeps me goin'-"

"It hurts!" you burst out, turning to face him. "You leaving and coming back all the time and expecting me to wait around for you. You think you're keeping me safe but it's not fair!"

"'nd what d'ya expect me to do, huh?" he snapped, the strain wearing his normally patient demeanor down. Inhaling once, his tone firm but softened slightly, he said, "'m sorry. 'm sorry I leave, 'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be. But this is what we've got."

Biting the side of your cheek, you turned away. Folding your arms around yourself, you squeezed your eyes shut as the gravity of what you'd said hit you. He worked and rode to be with you as often as he could, and here you were complaining about it. The guilt overwhelmed you. He'd never used a tone with you before, and it struck your core like a spear.

After a beat of silence, he seemed to realize what he'd done, and you felt two hands on your shoulders. "Sweet'eart...angel baby, 'm sorry. I shouldn'ta said it like that."

You were silent, eyes closed, head bowed.

There was a sigh behind you, and Billy rubbed your shoulders, nose dropping to your hair. He held it there for a moment. "Say somethin', baby, please."

When you stayed quiet, he pleaded, "Yell at me, cuss me out, hit me. Would you please just say somethin'? Anything?"

You turned after a moment, and when he saw your teary eyes, he pulled you close, rocking your body back and forth. Billy didn't say anything else- he didn't have to. He guided you to sit on the bed, holding you tightly in his arms and laying gentle kisses to your head, trying desperately to soothe you.

After forever of silence, Billy pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, laying down on the bed with you and holding your tired body tight to his chest. He murmured promises into your hair that you weren't sure were possible to keep, even though it was clear he desperately wanted to.

That was the crux of your relationship. Wanting. Wanting with no fruition. You'd been plunged into icy water, the reality of your future weighing down on your mind. Even as he held you, you felt him slipping away.

When you awoke the next morning, he was gone again.

The first time he'd spoken to you, sidling up as you looked at ribbons in the market, you'd been quiet, smiling up at him but not saying more than a few words. It'd taken weeks for you to speak more than a sentence to him. You were with your brother usually, and he'd coax a little more out of you, when you weren't clinging to his arm.

Eventually, you started talking to Billy on your own, coming up to him with your hands clasped in front of you, fidgeting with your fingers. He'd doffed his hat, leaning against the post he was standing by and slouching a little so he could meet your eyes, and you'd lit up when he did. And so it began.

He asked you to go on a ride with him, to which you'd eagerly responded. When he showed up at your house with fresh wildflowers in hand, you'd been delighted, standing on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. A blush bloomed on his cheeks, and he hadn't been able to get rid of his grin for the rest of the day.

While some disdained you for your shyness, Billy found it adorable. He was proud to walk around with you on his arm, the prettiest girl in town in his opinion. In his short time on earth, Billy had been many a place, seen all sorts of things, but you were by far the most special. His elbow was always ready to bend so you could slip your soft hand into the crook, body open in case you needed his chest for comfort.

"Sweetheart," he'd coo, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind your ear, smiling as you leaned into his palm. "I've gotta talk to that man over there. You wanna come with me or stay here?" Most often you would cling to his arm, opting to stand quietly beside him, and others he'd give you a sugar cube and watch you walk over to his horse, petting his mane and speaking softly.

He brought you to the saloon sometimes, because you liked to going places with him. Arriving with you tucked under his arm, looking like the very picture of perfection, he was always on guard. Billy wouldn't dare leave you alone in a place like this, and lucky for him, you were much less than willing to speak to any strangers.

Sometimes when you were out and about with him and he was chatting with someone who was a stranger to you, he'd feel a tug on one of his suspenders. The gesture always made him smile, and he'd bend down, securing his arm around your waist if it wasn't already there, letting you whisper what you wanted to say.

Billy was exceedingly careful with you, always making sure you were safe and comfortable. Protecting you was the most important thing in the world to him, and that included your innocence.

You loved kissing him, wrapping your arms around his neck and standing on your toes to reach him. He'd lift you by the waist and set you on the toes of his boots, allowing himself an eye crinkling smile when you giggled and nudged your nose against his. He would start gently, letting you tell him how much you wanted and returning it in full.

This was the position he was in right now, you having pulled him up into your pretty bedroom and sat him down on the mattress. Billy had leaned back on his hands, legs spread lazily, watching as you climbed onto his lap. Your skirt bunched between your stomachs, and he steadied you with a hand at your back, obliging you when you leaned in for a kiss.

His hand found your cheek, holding you still, savoring the feel of your mouth on his. Easing you into it, Billy settled his hand at the back of your head, rubbing his thumb over your hair. You stopped after a moment, pausing to take a breath. Billy thumbed the hint of redness on your cheeks and chin, squinting in concern. "Is that hurtin', honey?"

"Hmm?" you looked up at him, blinking and nuzzling against his hand.

"Think my stubble got you, sweetheart," he muttered, still rubbing your cheek as if he were trying to soothe it away. "'m sorry."

"It's okay," you said softly, reaching up to touch it. "Doesn't hurt."

"No?" Billy searched your eyes, trying to determine if you were downplaying it. "You sure?" Frowning, he ran a hand over his chin. "I could use a shave anyways. Gotta keep cleaned up for my girl."

"You don't have to shave if you don't want to," you mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

Billy's heart melted at the sight of you, and he brought your head to his chest, smoothing your hair. "No," he soothed. "Gotta keep smooth so I don't scratch up my sweet girl's face." The tiny smile that appeared on your face made his heart soar.

You were timid as could be, a closed-up flower, but he coaxed you into a bloom under his fingers. In some ways he was grateful for your shyness. This was special, how he knew you trusted him. He was privileged to hold you, to kiss you and show you he loved you.

And as you looked up at him through your lashes, leaning in to kiss him again without minding the scratch at his cheeks, he was reminded of it over and over. Sugar all tied up with a bow, neatly packaged in his arms.

You poked your head around the path corner, groaning when a dead end met your eyes. "No, this one's a bust."

"Shoot." Alex scratched his head, turning around and looking behind him. "How far back was the last trail marker?"

"I dunno." You pulled your jacket tighter around you, rubbing your palms together. "Maybe ten minutes?"

"Huh." He squinted into the distance, bumping your shoulder playfully. "I kinda feel like we're in the apocalypse."

"Soon we'll have to eat each other to stay alive."

"I'll take your left hand and you can have mine."

"How chivalrous." You shivered, and he pulled you into a hug, rubbing your arms. "We might have to burn the maze down to stay warm."

"At least we'd see the way out," he murmured, and you giggled. Alex looked down at you like you were utterly adorable, smoothing the back of your head.

You sighed, burying your face in his chest. "You are the only person in the world I'd want to be lost in a corn maze for three hours with."

"Be still my heart," Alex teased, and you hmphed, smiling up at him.

You looped your arm with his since you hadn't passed anybody in the maze for the entire time you'd been here. "C'mon, handsome. Let's get outta here so we can find some hot cider or something."

Alex's cheeks flushed just a little, and you laughed, tugging him along. Truthfully, even though it was getting dark, you weren't at all worried. If three hours had been ten, it wouldn't feel like much at all so long as you were with him.

You began to stand on tiptoes at different intervals, trying to see either through or over the feathery cornstalks. Both attempts failed.

He chuckled watching you. "Need some help there, baby?"

"Uh huh." You turned to him, bouncing on your tiptoes. He grinned, positioning his hands on your hips and hoisting you up, so your legs were hooked over his hips, clasped in the back. You craned your neck, bracing your arms around his neck and leaning in to kiss his nose.

Alex turned around so you could see ahead on the path. You craned your neck, looking around. "This is what you see all the time? The ground is this far away?"

"I guess so, cutie," he smiled. "See a way out?"

"No," you said, sighing and letting him bring you down. "Guess we'll have to get out the old-fashioned way."

You wandered ahead of him, practically skipping as you turned corners in the maze. The sunset illuminated you as you trudged around, humming something to yourself. When you turned around to look at Alex. He smiled wide. "I'll just follow you, babe."

And follow you he did, letting you take the lead and wander your way around. It felt like a game of chase, and you stopped, scrunching your nose. "I think we're almost there."

"Victory." Alex grinned at you as your arm linked through his once more. "Knew you could get us outta here."

"I followed my instincts," you chirped, turning the corner to see the brilliant sight of the exit. Squealing excitedly, you turned to him. "We did it!"

"Good job, baby." Alex kissed your forehead once, and you leaned against him, giving him a loving look. When he touched your hand, his blue eyes widened. "Your hands are cold."

"A little bit." You shrugged.

Alex put your hand in his closest pocket, wrapping an arm around your waist and rubbing your side. "Let's go get you a hot drink."

Guiding you over to the stand selling donuts and cider, he left you under one of the heat lamps radiating warmth from the top with the promise of food and drink.

As you waited, you watched the glowing orb of the sun sink delightfully down under the hills, the moon beginning to appear, early stars dotting the paint palette smeared across the sky. It was beautiful- all of it. You folded your arms over yourself, smiling at the sight.

When Alex returned, he pressed a hot cup of cider into your hands, holding one of his own. "Drink up. Want your insides warm too." You smiled when he put an arm around your shoulders, bringing you right up close. You took a sip of your drink, humming delightedly as it sent a hot chill down your spine.

"Thank you," you murmured, resting your chin on his shoulder.

If the two of you were alone he would have kissed you. "You're welcome."