Sweetest Girl in Space

The hills are dusty, grey clouds thick with a storm. You squint at the horizon, trying to glean anything of a familiar silhouette, a horse. The days stretch far when he's gone, the nights even longer. Every day you wake up with less hope than the one before. He said it would be two weeks, but you always mentally doubled his estimate. A month had passed since he left, and now you are halfway through another.

Nobody ever said it would be easy to love him. An outlaw trying to make his bones with the good guys has an inconsistent life at best, tumultuous at worst. In the little time you get with him, he makes it special. Of course, special to you is normal to others.

Sometimes you dream of him kissing the soft spot on your neck, cuddling you close on cool winter nights. It was still winter when he left, but now flowers are poking out of the ground and stretching forth petals. The trees are no longer bare, offering shade from the lingering sun. You miss Billy's shadow.

Your last letter was from that allotted two week period, when he told you about the work he was doing, told you in a lot of ways how much he missed you. Billy's handwriting is always scratchy, particularly so when he's supposedly got you on his mind. He drew a little horse at the bottom of the page that made you smile. The letter is under your pillow now.

When the first star appears through the veil of clouds, you give up for the night. Billy isn't coming home anytime soon. In the oncoming storm, you don't know if it'll be worth checking for him for another day or two.

Weary, you ready yourself for bed. He lingers as you tidy your hair and slip into a nightdress with long sleeves, since the bed will be empty again tonight. Though winter is fading, the nights are still cold, and when rain starts to rattle the roof, you think it might as well be the dead of January.

Burrowed under blankets, you whisper, "I miss you," hoping it'll summon him. The onlly response is the creaking beams. Billy fixed up this old house figuring it'd be a safe place to land, and he was right about it, but safe in his terms could also mean lonely.

Fish, your loyal black cat, is curled up on Billy's side, and Willow the calico is at your feet. If it weren't for the cats, you might lose your mind. Billy brought them home when they were just kittens. "They'll keep you good company when I'm away," he said at the time. You laughed then, telling him he'd better not ever be gone so long that you missed him. Now you knew he could be away for an hour and you'd wish he was back.

The dark incites thoughts of equal caliber. You imagine Billy hurt, recovering in an infirmary somewhere a state away. Or maybe he never made it to help and he's hurt in a ditch somewhere with just his horse and his saddlebags. You don't let your mind wander further than that.

Swallowing a tear or two, you silently pray he'll come back alive and safe. Even if it's in a year. Even if he has to leave again right after. You just want to see him one more time.

Fish and Willow are purring, kneading at the bed on their respective sides, trying to heal you. Your cats have the best intentions, and you try to focus on them, on sleep.

Your eyes fill with tears again when you remember Billy bringing them home, how sweet he was and how much he wanted you to have them. Fingering your wedding ring, you let yourself cry. You are bound to him.

Burrowing under your blanket, you shiver, chest shaking. He might be hurt somewhere and you're crying. You wish so many things right now, and they all have to do with seeing him. Your love, your life.

Slowly, uneasily, you drift off, tormented by visions of shadows attacking your husband and dangling his body before you. This is a familiar dream, but no less unsettling.

Billy is out of reach, even though you keep trying to find him. When you can finally touch him, your fingers slip through, and you collapse into an eternal state of darkness.

Jolting awake, your fingers tighten around your blanket. There is a pressure on your forehead, but you don't mind it. Sighing softly, you relax until something brushes your hair away from your face.

Opening your eyes, you think you're still dreaming somehow. Being sleepy has never caused you to see things like that before, but you wouldn't put it past yourself.

Then he says your name, wrapped in the rough crackle of his voice. Tears spring to your eyes, and you sit up, reaching out to touch. He is solid, cheek a little cool, hair dripping with what is presumably rainwater.

"Billy," you rasp, and his arms are around you in an instant.

You don't mean to cry. He deserves a happy wife to welcome him home from his long journey, but instead you're wetting his already damp shirt, whispering his name over and over.

"I'm here, baby. I know, I'm so sorry." He is swaying with you, rocking you back and forth. "I missed you so bad. We got so held up but I couldn't stand being away any longer."

"You're home." Your nose is in his neck. "You're never leaving again."

"I'll sure try not to." He rubs your back, kissing your shoulder. Pulling away, he lights up. "Awe, my sweet kitten waited up with you? And there's my…Fish."

Fish meows, begrudgingly moving from Billy's side of the bed to curl up with Willow. You laugh, leaning in to kiss Billy. "I can't believe you're back. I really can't."

"I kept you waitin' a long while." He is kneeling, boots probably dusty on your clean floor, but you don't care. Billy kisses your cheek, and you tug at him, wanting him closer. His scratchy cheek brushes your jaw as he nudges off his boots.

"Take your clothes off," you mumble, and he chuckles. You laugh with him. "I just want to be close."

"'F course, baby." He stands, and you lean over to fluff his pillow, get his side ready.

When he slides in next to you, it's like no time has passed. You snuggle into his chest, hand over his heart. His arm around you, stroking over your shoulder. Your Billy at last.

"I love you," you murmur, resting your head on his shoulder. He's holding you tighter than normal, but you can't bring yourself to mind. After months of being alone, he is your oasis.

"I love you, sweetheart." Billy dots a kiss on your forehead, sliding his leg between yours. You are knotted into one heart. "Missed m' girl so bad."

"Promise me you'll never leave again," you whisper, letting your hair fall over his chest.

"I could never leave you again," he breathes, palming the back of your head. "Never. 'S too long. Goin' steady ain't worth leavin' you."

Billy sounds like a drowning man getting his first breath. You curl into him. "If you have to leave again, we're coming with you."

"You 'n the cats?" He sounds like he's smiling. You're cozier than you've been in a long time.

"We'll be right behind you on your horse." He ducks down and kisses you gently, stubble itching you.

"My sweetheart," he murmurs. "Yeah, you'll be right with me from now on."