Peach

“They didn’t say I love you to each other because they already knew it anyway”.

“Y’all complaining about no kiss are ace-phobic”.

“They would never be happy in that world”.

“Asanthony ARE Aziraphale and Crowley, they get to be together in every Universe!”.

“Y’all are weird for being so upset over no kissing, did you want them to f*ck in front of god and satan?”.

“It was the only way it could have ended”.

anyway fuck That, this is how aziracrow deserved to be with each other

Basically I re-read The One True Copy and Honestly I Can’t Believe The Nerve Of This Man Would You Just Look At What He’s Done To Our Story

I’ve talked about this so many times at this point. The book and seasons 1 + 2 stated that humans always had free will to begin with. They literally come up with things beyond and original to anything from heaven and hell. The whole idea of there being Good and Evil is literally what creates the concept of free will in the first place. The reason some humans can’t do as well as others is because there is inequality of the humans’ own making, therefore some are born in castles while others are born in poverty. Please tell me how God has had any kind of a negative impact on any of this???

I’m willing to bet my life Terry Pratchett wrote this one

Certainly not giving Depressed-And-Suicidal “God will always stack the deck against me” Crowley here, is it???

***For context for the next one: Adam is talking about getting rid of both The Them and The Johnsonites gangs as a metaphor/allegory for Heaven and Hell going to war to try and get rid of each other

While they mainly suggest that either gang coming out as the sole winner is as undesirable as either heaven or hell winning for eternity, I think this serves to make a point about how getting rid of both sides entirely is also a bad idea. The neighbors, the bystanders, the rest of humanity, may see it as “a plaque on both your houses,” But “it’d be a jolly sight less interestin’ if we all weren’t here.”

And remember, Terry Pratchett was responsible for The Them scenes in the book.

“That’s because the people trying to sort it out were men [Gaiman]”

*cue vague sounds of frustration as I tear my hair out in the background*

NG deserves jail time for taking this quote from Adam and giving it to Crowley to serve as his Righteous Hero Speech. Also, they didn’t sort anything out while any of the humans were alive and only declared that they had ‘sorted it’ after the entire universe was dead 💀

I cannot believe this line. It is literally presented as sarcasm, as satire, and yet the finale unironically adopts this entire philosophy in the end.

*cue somewhat louder sounds of frustration as I tear out what little hair I have left in the background*

*Me crossing out every single line in the finale script I just printed* 

The Book of Life, which was just a “myth to scare cherubs ” (or whatever that line was) is suddenly something everyone knows about and knows has a prime place where it is kept under watch, now has reality bending powers to give the screenwriters the ability to do whatever the heck they want. It’s not really explained and has no real logic to it. The little logic they attempt to give it doesn’t make sense. Michael goes around murdering just about everyone except for Aziraphale who was supposedly their original/main target. What were they waiting for? They had no issue deleting the Metratron. Surely, Aziraphale should’ve been next.

So much screen time is dedicated to stuff that doesn’t matter. The Eternal Flame (stop introducing new stuff so late in your canon! You only have 90 minutes!) is another plot device that really just seems to be there to further the nonsensical Book of Life stuff and retcon A and C’s first meeting (again). Jesus is just there. You could’ve cut out the gambling plot and the trip to Hell, for that matter, too. So much more time was needed to actually address a lot of the hanging threads left over from season two.

In fact, the more I think about it, pretty much nothing of any relevance actually transferred over from season two. I don’t see how any of this was necessary. The plot is entirely artificially created and divorced from season two; the only real connections to the previous season are that they had to mention the Second Coming, had to get Aziraphale back down to earth and I guess the Book of Life was technically introduced in season two. They did not, in my mind, do a proper reconciliation between our main characters, which was arguably one of their more important jobs.

More below the cut:

After everything they'd gone through together, all their history, their love spanning 6000 years, they literally vanished into dust.

Their "human versions" are not them. They met each other in their 50s? 60s? and will get like 30 or so years together.

No sticking together for centuries despite being from opposite factions in an eternal conflict, no developing their rivalry, friendship, and eventually love throughout the ages, no having each other's back despite the dangers of doing so, no bickering, no rescuing each other, no "you go too fast for me, Crowley", no 'our' Bentley, no "angel" as a pet name, NO THEM. At all.