What it feels like when you didn't die young:
...wait a minute, where did the last 10 (20, 30...) years go? How did I get here?
As if you fell asleep and when you wake up it's not the next day, but years and years have somehow gone by, but you feel almost the same, inside your head. But everything outside is different. It sometimes feels very surreal, like everything around you isn't really there, just some kind of mask or overlay on top of whatever reality is, like you are inside the Matrix, but have become aware of it, for just a moment.
And then, all of the "normal" things that you have to do just to survive and get through every day kind of drag you back down, into the "pretend" that is the normal everyday reality that everyone else is living in, and that weird sense of hyperawareness goes away, and you're back in "reality" again. Lately it feels more and more like this reality is a "pretend", even though I know that it is supposed to be the REAL reality, and that my imagination is supposed to be the "pretend" reality.
For whatever reason I am having these flashes of "hyperawareness" (not sure what else to call it, really) more and more often. I'm not sure what that means. I have never been "normal" (just ask any relative, teacher, or acquaintance), always read too much, asked too many questions, had too many opinions that weren't agreeable with everyone else's. Not sure if I have some sort of mental illness, physical illness, have become over-aware of and possibly obsessed with my own mortality, or what...
Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Anyone?
