ain't that a kick in the head?

on a scale of pink to adam lambert, how much are you here for my entertainment?

asking my cat if we can just try out being normal for like one day and see what happens, he doesn't have to be good at it i just think we should give it a try, like maybe he could just get comfy in my lap and be still instead of climbing his 17 pound body onto my shoulder and then sticking his nose in my ear, you know, just be normal, have you heard of it? remember tybalt? he was so normal, can you pretend to be him for a minute instead of being a slimy little freak

worth noting that i already wasn't doing well, so the loss of my reason for not killing myself -> wanting to kill myself more than i ever have is an expected progression

updating my resume in one tab and bass pro shops (sorry for going corporate, idk where else to look) handguns in stock near me in the next tab. i do feel like i'm probably in danger, as they say, but can't ask for help because my life will be worse after the help. i'll still have bills and sadness when i have to come back but i'll also have to get a new job and start over. what is one supposed to do with grief and pressure from all around to just go back to normal. what am i supposed to do