Pregnancy at 21 and at 31... Huge difference.
WARNING I AM ON BEDREST AND BORED BUTTTTTT I wanted to share the perks of having a baby later on WHEN ESTABLISHED Vs while younger. I had Gianna while I was 21. Although she was very much a planned pregnancy I believe I failed to look at the bigger picture. Since 10 years later I am pregnant, and have a baby daddy and fiancé under my belt I guess I am able to compare the two experiences. Pregnancy with Gianna at 21 - had jobs but no career at the time. I was a chiropractic biller and medical front office person. Had no idea about short and long term disability. Needless to say I received 50 dollars a week which was very minimal in help. Luckily I had my pops otherwise I could have added financial stress to my list of things to be worried about. - Selection in men and not being able to differentiate their ability to be a good father. Seriously. I was young and so was he. His mind was in parties and jamming in as much as he could in nine months before the baby came. A lot of nights I was left alone and even had instances when he wouldn't come home. - feeling stuck. He had a good job at the time and I was pregnant and didn't. I felt like I had no option but to stay or life would be harder. - not really knowing my worth and how much was enough. When it was just me I felt like I could put up with a lot of his shit like patience proved I was "ride or die" Don't get me wrong I ain't perfect and dished out a lot of shit too but damn he did out me through the ringer. - Lack of support. I felt so alone with the exception of my sisters, dad and family. But in all I know I didn't get pregnant alone so it hurt so much that I didn't get the support I wanted from the one person I felt I was supposed to get it from the most. - Food. To me food is a way to show you care, pregnant or not. Making sure someone is fed is the utmost importance and even more so when pregnant. I hardly got the "are you hungry babe?" Or "is there anything I can get you?" - lack of help. If they aren't much helpful during your pregnancy don't anticipate a turn around once you pop the baby out. I remember being 8 months pregnant and nesting. Trying to put together all of Gianna's stuff, shelving and all in the closet. I couldn't get these two pieces to snap together and grew frustrated and started crying. He was in the room with me playing his video games and didn't offer any help even while I am in tears, sweating like a pig (it's was summer) and just sad af. - there's more and I could go on but it all boils down to me being young and NOT being able to assess mine or his readiness to be a parent. It wasn't until Gianna was born that I left not because I deserved better but because I know she did. Sometimes it takes another person to rely on you for you to be proactive in shit that you should have done for yourself. Sucks but its my truth. After I left I went to LVN school, RN school and gogo'd lol (not my ideal job but I worked at night and was still able to wake up in the morning get Gianna ready for school and get my butt to school myself) Pregnancy with baby Kaiks at 31: - I am currently an RN have an established career. Knowledgable in short and long term disability and have earned enough to get more than 50 bucks a week while I'm on bedrest. - I can say without a doubt my selection in men has improved significantly since being 21. As evidence by Derrick and his awesome ass. We are both older and in a different place in life. Parties, going out is not on the list of priorities. He would much rather go to work and work hard to move up and provide his family with the best he can. -I do NOT feel stuck. If for whatever reason (Neva Eva Eva gonna happen.) derrick and I do not work out there will be no feeling of hopelessness on my end because neither he or I are stuck. We are both independent enough to make it on our own but we choose to be with each other and keep our team strong. - now that I am older and wiser with plenty of experience I am fully aware of my worth as a person, a significant other as well as a mother. I've gone through a lot and wear my stripes with pride. My confidence is not easily shook. - I do not lack support from Derrick in anyway. He is constantly by my side insuring that I am constantly comfortable and doing good. When he is at work I get constant phone calls to make sure I am ok. On the way home from work he calls every night to ask what I need from the store. This is something that he has always done for Gianna and I not just now that I'm pregnant. He's just sweet like that. - food. Taking care of me on bedrest is a full time job. I am constantly hungry. Derrick takes Gianna to school in the morning cooks or picks up breakfast. Sleeps for a little wakes up to make me lunch and snacks to hold me off until dinner and the gets ready to go to work. HE DOES THIS DAILY. - There is no lack of help because derrick has assumed both of our responsibilities at the moment and he does it with a smile. I feel bad for him because he does so much and I apologize sometimes because I can do very little these days and all he says is "babe, you have nothing to be sorry about and u are not useless. You are carrying our baby you are doing a lot". On top of derrick being amazing his parents are totally awesome too. They constantly check on me and make sure I am ok. My family although live kinda far constantly still check on me and I can't complain I love the attention lol. Having a great support system is so important while pregnant and even more so important in a high risk pregnancy. - I truly believe the changes in my experience this time around because I allowed myself the opportunity to GROW UP. Although my pregnancy risk are still the same (incompetent cervix, cerclage, high risk) I find this pregnancy a lot easier because of these changes I have made, and about the people I allow in my life. If I could do it again I wouldn't change a thing because I love my big girl Gianna. But if you do have a daughter or sister that you feel maybe down the path of an early pregnancy I would definitely have a long talk with them about it. I will have the same talk with Gianna when the age and time is appropriate.
