Raisca Gamor

These days I'm getting up later and feeling like I'm always running to catch up on everything. 

It also doesn't help that the first thing I do now is check up on Vivi's radio and my chat friends. And then sometimes end up just chatting away the morning. But I can't regret that when I've actually made some new friends recently! Feels nice.

And this Sunday it's crochet club day again. More socializing! Yay!

That baby album (it's actually 3, and I'm trying to make them all slightly different) is also coming along. Very slowly, but I think I've passed that slump of resistance I had at first. Things are flowing now. I still have to decide on how to put it all together in the end, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've also been trying to get back to collage, but nothing is coming out, nothing feels right or exciting, no sparks of joy or inspiration on that road. I'm sure it will come back at some point, but at the moment that well is dry and I'm a bit sad about it.

Ok, I tried leaving this for the next day to see if I magically came up with something else to say and close this post in a nice way. Guess what. No dice. Ahah

I have to be real here. I've been feeling awfully lost and defeated. No energy, no drive. The body feels heavy, as does life. Everything is an effort. I don't even know what I want or who I am anymore. 

Damn, such doom and gloom! What the fuck, Raisca? Snap out of it! Go create something! Go play with colors and shapes and textures and stop moping around! 

Ok, ok, I'm getting an idea! Let's see if I manage to make anything with it. 

But yesterday I finally looked around for some images, to sparks ideas, and hopefully I'll finally start working on it today. 

I also finished this little blanket! I never told I started it, but look, it's finished!

(pattern from here)

I thought I'd try selling it at the market in September as a pet blanket, since it's kinda small to be a person blanket. And I want to make more, cause you don't really sell anything unless you have a bunch to catch people's eyes... but they take a bit to make, and I want to make other things too! So... I don't know, we'll see.

I've been obsessed with a fanfic. One I've read before and loved, but not one I care to recommend cause it's pretty dark and heavy and intense. It's not for everyone. But it's so good! It pulls me in and it sticks and I can't let go of it. So I decided that instead of just reading it again, I'd go deeper and translate it. Just for me, just for fun, to keep those translation muscles trained. To stay in touch with my own language, which I barely use anymore out of the daily chit chat at home.

I thought making a translation would get me to look at the writing even more closely than before, take it slower and from a more analytic perspective and hopefully not get as sucked in as before.

It's not working. Now I just want to translate it all day! I've been restricting it to my mornings only, but I did also spend both the afternoon and night with it the other day. And I'd love to do it again.

I both like and don't like this. On the one hand, it feels nice to be this passionate about something. But on the other, it dims everything else, and I still have a life to live, I need at least a bit of enthusiasm left for that too, you know? Ahah.

I've also been a bit stuck at home. Not because I *have* to, but it's been very hot and I don't want to go anywhere. I skipped the journaling club yesterday and the gaming night on Saturday. I'm sad about the gaming night... but it's at night. It takes a lot more out of me than a Sunday afternoon. 

And now I gotta go! I thought I could be here longer, but nope! Ahah See you next week!

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~

Remember a while back when I said I had a video to make? Pretty sure I mentioned it.  I had been waiting for them to post it on Youtube, as they usually do, so that I could share here. Turns out they posted it on *Facebook* instead. Blergh! 

I don't have Facebook, so I find it hard to even grab the link. And of course, it doesn't embed here like Youtube does. 

Here it is, if your curiosity is strong enough to break through the resistance of clicking a link that goes somewhere else. 

In the meantime I had another video to make for them. And it went really well! So well, that I immediately forgot about it once it was done, even though I enjoyed making it. It's just that, it flowed so well causing no problems to annoy me, that it also flowed really well right out my mind ahah

It's also only on Facebook, so here's another link for the curious and persistent! 

I kinda miss the time I was also going to the shows and filming them. But I'm not sure that would work for me now. Schedule's at home have changed since then. Also, I no longer have the camera I had and loved. I still get sad (and angry!) every time I remember it was stolen. *sigh*

Anyway! On a happier note, here's something I made last week. I don't know what to call it. I was just having a little fun playing around with a few elements. But I like the result, so you get to see it too. (I mean, you already have, but it's fun to look at, so look at it again!)

I have been challenged to make a baby album for a friend. Apparently the baby albums available these days aren't very exciting (or cheap).

I totally want to make it complicated, of course. Ahah. I'm still thinking about the construction of it. So I guess that's what I'll be doing this week. I hope I don't forget about it... because, let me tell you, this was mentioned to me last week already, and I had completely forgotten about it until I was reminded yesterday =X

Ok, gotta go now. This post took way longer to write than I'd like, and it's getting late. So, see you next week!

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~

Just a little fun thing =)

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~

I will finish them. I will! No promises when, but I will!

Most people love to talk. Some people can't shut up for more than two seconds. 

HOW?! How can you always have something at the tip of your tongue ready to come out? 

I'm such a quiet person. And it's not because I'm shy or insecure. I mean, sure there can be a little bit of that if I don't yet know the crowd I'm with, but for the most part I really have nothing to say! Especially if there's a lot going on around me. My mind goes mostly empty, just taking in information, even when I don't want it to. Also, my word processor is slow, so by the time I've gathered my thoughts and could have something to say, the conversation has already moved so. So I remain quiet.

Maybe you think I'm good listener. I can be, but most of the time, I'm not. If you tell me five stories, one after the other, cause you always find some connecting point to jump around between them, and if all those stories are about people you know and I don't... It's going through one ear and coming out through the other. And I'm wishing you'd shut up, honestly. 

I *love* when I find someone I can be in silence with. Someone I can share a look or a smile with, some expression or gesture and no words. Do you know how rare that is?

That's not to say I don't enjoy a nice conversation. I do, very much! But it can't be with more than one of two people at once. And they have to actually care to listen to what the other have to say. You know, it has to be a *conversation*, not a monologue. I'm getting less and less tolerant of monologues. 

Maybe I'm just grumpy. I went out yesterday. Big lunch with a bunch of people (lunch with a bunch, ha). Today I just want to sleep and be off. 

I usually grab it when I get up. But do I need it with me while I have breakfast? No, I don't! So today I left it in my room to grab later. 

We all know how well that went.

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a phone. But then I remember, the kid might need something, that's why I always have the phone around. And also, I might need something. Like when I forget the shopping list at home and need someone to send me a picture of it. Except recently I started to using my phone as the shopping list. Because I always have it with me and don't forget it at home like I do with the paper list, right? RIGHT?! 

It's ok, I did the shopping yesterday anyway. *sigh*

But it's interesting how even though my phone barely gets used, it still feels weird to be out without it. And to think we used to live without them at all! 

For a long time I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything because going out costs money. It's a convenient excuse for inaction, isn't it? I mean, you can't deny that yes, going out costs money! Gas, parking, the event itself, eating or drinking something - it all costs money. But so does going out every morning to the cafe, as I always do (and honestly can't do without). That one falls under the routine so I don't think about the cost. The other falls under "unnecessary extras" that I somehow convinced myself I don't need and/or deserve.

I mean, if I'm not making money for myself, why would I go out and spend it for no good reason? Right?

But going out, meeting people, socializing, making connections... that could open some door (or window) into some interesting opportunity, right? You never know!

And that's how I convinced myself to go.

I don't know how I got here, to this point where I can't let myself enjoy things unless there's some purpose to them. How fucked up is that?! Especially for someone who is still a child at heart... A messed up contradiction, is what I am.

That being said, now that I went to these things and broke that illusion that I couldn't or shouldn't, I want to keep going regularly, just to get out of the house and see people. Sometimes it's more fun than others, but it's good for me to have something of my own, something out of the routine to look forward to.

You know who doesn't have these self-imposed problems and always know how to have a good time?

Sheila! Isn't she lovely?

Oh, speaking of the journaling club, I should show you what I made! Here.

This is Sheila!

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~

I sold a sticker on Redbubble! Of my own designs! WOW! Thank you, whoever you are! You've made my day!

So, yeah, today is Tuesday, not Monday. My mind was too much in the air yesterday. But I'm here today!

I'd like to say it's been another good week, but truth be told it was very meh, with the exception of Sunday. I went back to that same place I went to the previous week, this time for a brand new crochet club gathering. I've met some cool and interesting people and I really want to go back, whenever the next meeting will be. I really like that place and the people there. I'm considering going again this Friday. This time for a journaling thing. I don't know. Maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. I guess you'll find out next week!

I have started a new Strange Creature. Only need to color it now. So that's something else you can see next week.

I may be entering a new phase, a more social phase. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Only time will tell.

I'd love to have more to say, but I don't. My mind is still up in the air, can't settle down enough for more coherent thoughts, sorry. See you next week!

I sold a sticker on Redbubble! Of my own designs! WOW! Thank you, whoever you are! You've made my day!

So, yeah, today is Tuesday, not Monday. My mind was too much in the air yesterday. But I'm here today!

I'd like to say it's been another good week, but truth be told it was very meh, with the exception of Sunday. I went back to that same place I went to the previous week, this time for a brand new crochet club gathering. I've met some cool and interesting people and I really want to go back, whenever the next meeting will be. I really like that place and the people there. I'm considering going again this Friday. This time for a journaling thing. I don't know. Maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. I guess you'll find out next week!

I have started a new Strange Creature. Only need to color it now. So that's something else you can see next week.

I may be entering a new phase, a more social phase. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Only time will tell.

You know what? This was a good week! Isn't that great?

I made a new collage!  I had the title The Cosmic Soup of Knowledge tucked away in my head for ages. In the end I called it just The Cosmic Soup, cause I wasn't able to fully realize my vison. But I still got a good collage out of it, so it's ok! Here! Look at it (again)! 

I like it more now that it's been a few days and I've let go of the frustration of not being able to recreate what I had in my head.

And then.... AND THEN!! The next day I made another one of my Strange Creatures! And I'm writing that capitalized which means it's now an intentional name. It has become a series! 

Meet Albert (again)! He's just a tiny little bit awkward, but a very reliable fellow. 

By the end of the week I went out and had some fun, met some new people, played board games and stayed up late (all of which are rare these days). I'd love to do that again! Even though the place I went to is a bit far (in small country terms, at least) and it ends up being a little costly, it was worth it. I felt great throughout the weekend from all the good vibes I accumulated from Friday night!

Meet Albert!

I don't know how many more I'll be able to make, but with 3 of them now (and a brand new folder on my computer) this is now a series.

A series of Strange Creatures!

(the preview looks like crap, click the image for better definition)

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~

~!| www.raiscagamor.com |!~