Rain's Official Art Blog

Here's is my sketch of Polka!!! I love him and his story so much ^w^ And his design is so cute and unique I just had to draw him :3 Guys if you haven't already please check catamount's art and oc Polka!!!!!

cw/tw for graphic descriptions of blood, mild gore and animal death

This is a vent writing thing I made and the encouragement of a friends convinced me to share in case anyone else is interested in this stuff.

Overview: I spend a day thinking to myself in the woods, watching the world pass me by

PART 1

Taking in the serenity of the forest, I breathe in the still air, mourning doves softly cooing in the distance. I feel the warm grass below my feet. Sunrise filters through the White Birch trees around me, casting speckled shadows on my face. Slowly I turn to face the sun, eyes closed. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. My shoulders relax. My eyes flutter open tentatively, afraid the morning sun might engulf the world and swallow me whole. As I recount my past, a twinge of pain knocks on my heart. 

pure self indulgent writing for my birthday :3

Fragile. My first thought as I place my hand in his. I can’t help but take his hands and try aligning mine against his. Our contrast couldn't be clearer; his size engulfing my smaller frame. Gently brushing my thumb across the back of his hand, I can even feel every muscle and tendon of his through the black gloves he always wears.  He’s always so gentle when holding me. There was beauty and grace in his claws. It felt so grounding to finally hold on to something so steady after a long time alone. I can never forget his grip on my arm at the cafe those first days though. I let go of his hands and lightly tug on the ends of his gloves for a moment. I’ve never felt so safe under someone’s shadow before. Or more afraid-

“My Lady?” The unexpected whisper right next to my ears and the cool breath from it startles me, losing my sense of balance. Whoa-! I stumble back and just barely catch myself, leaning onto the wooden bench we were both sitting on. The sounds of the circus and its crowds slowly drag me back into reality. Sudden loud screams and applause from the tent next to us make me flinch. Shit, why do they have to be so loud? Ugh, I’m so dizzy… After needing to pause and blink for a few seconds, I realize that my vision is still dim.  I look up to find Pierrot’s face looking down at me. All I see is his pale white face narrowed with concern, his black makeup outlining his facial expressions. I try moving back slightly, but my body quickly hits a wall. I feel his whole body is bent down just to reach my face. I’m trapped under, and outside noise is muffled. All I hear now are bells jingle softly as Pierrot tilts his head sideways and slowly moves in.

Thanks for reading! Please leave comments! I’d love to hear any feedback you may have!

minors dni

au by @r0tting-rat and @anonymousmouse556

Wet foliage and mud fill my nostrils. I open my mouth to let my scent glands take in more smells of my surround. My eyes closed and ears swiveling to hear bird sounds again, I can almost imagine I'm taking a nice stroll through the forest. Almost feel the warmth of dappled sunlight filtered through the thick leaves. Almost.

No matter how strong my imagination, I can't ignore the sharp smell of metal bars. The cold barren floors of my cage pull me back into reality, as if mocking my attempts of refuge in my mind. I stretch out my front paws in the small crowded cage. My arched back pushes against the metal wire and mesh; my sore bones a reminder of how long I've been stuck here. I let out a defeated huff and sink back onto the unloving metal floor.

A sudden jolt to the side of my cage freezes me. At the loud clang, my claws unsheathe and fear overtakes me. Blood rushes through my system, pounding against my ears. In panic, I frantically lash my long tail and pin my ears back. Why can't I break free-

"My my~ What a poor frightened bunny! Or should I say... kitty?"

That voice. So comforting yet too familiar. My whole body shudders at the patronizing tone before freezing, tail curled tightly around my paws. Dread settles in the pit of my stomach.

Most of my anxieties are rooted in old past pains. They built years-old patterns and habits that worked back then to make me feel safe, but  which are now unhealthy. For anxieties that are based on those types of hurt and *not* based on modern facts and behaviors, I think I can treat them the same way I learned to handle intrusive thoughts that came when I learned to drive by myself for the first few months.

When I first started driving by myself and after I got more comfortable, I would sometimes get intrusive thoughts out of nowhere about hitting some pedestrian or another car. These thoughts bothered and scared me deeply because I would never intentionally do those things and I am a decent driver. But since I was still the one behind the wheel and still on the road, I had to force myself to not linger on those thoughts so I could safely drive. After I would park, though, those thoughts still impacted me and got in the way of life. Eventually I realized that I am not my thoughts. I am the person having them. I’m not evil for having those thoughts. My mind just got scared and vividly imagined the worst case scenarios while I was actively driving. I learned to let those thoughts pass on by as I kept driving. I didn’t ignore them because I knew from experience that by ignoring the issues they stay and only grow. So I learned and forced myself to do something every time it happened. 

I would make sure I became safely aware of my surroundings while driving. Next I’d feel the leather of my steering wheel, take a few deep breaths, and then notice the car or pedestrian in real time getting smaller in my rear view mirror as I kept driving forward, staying out of my head and focused on driving safely. Eventually, I was able to let those thoughts drift away when they occurred without allowing them to take over me. Over time, those thoughts disappeared. Some days I still get them occasionally. But now I have the tools and skills to cope and handle them. I had to build those skills over time. But I did it. I’m really proud of myself for not letting those fears take over me and build a dislike or fear of driving. I’m proud of myself for not giving up.

I brought up that story because I think I can use a similar tactic for calming my anxieties. Using that past example, I can also clearly understand why it works and how it worked in the past. My head sometimes lies to me with fears and anxieties that just aren’t true if I properly and objectively look at the facts and data in real life. They may have worked to make me feel safe in the past. But now they are harmful to me and to people I interact with. I can’t let my pain bleed onto others. I don’t want to if it can be helped. 

First, I will ground myself. I’ll use my physical environment in the exact moment and take deep breaths. 

Next, I will look around at my surroundings and take note of what is objectively happening, looking at the clear data and facts. Not at my fears or assumptions. 

Next I will acknowledge my fears and anxieties. I will name the feeling. I will take note that I am the person having those thoughts and feelings. By identifying them, I can then separate my own identity from the intense emotions I’m feeling. This helps reduce shame and guilt that are not useful when they get too big and usually just get in the way of me processing stuff and my attempts to grow past my mistakes.

Finally, I will try to imagine the thoughts or emotions as thunder clouds. Just in case, let me give context why I’m choosing thunder clouds. I love rain, and I love weather analogies. More importantly though, I’m reminded by a lesson my father taught me once about them.

During a thunderstorm, count to ten each time you hear thunder. Focus on your counting and breathing. If it thunders before you reach ten? Simply start counting from the start once more! Eventually, the thunder will get less frequent. You can count high numbers between each clap of thunder. Soon, the thunderstorm gets even quieter and softer. Until all you’re left with is gentle steady rain. 

I love the sound of soothing rain at night. The sound of so many droplets falling on all the different textures and against my window is one of my favorite sounds. It’s so calming after the intense loud thunderstorms. The rain won’t last forever, and I’m left with the quiet night. Thunderstorms don’t last forever. They also never disappear forever. They will come back with heavy weather. But now I have a way to make those nights a little easier! And the quiet moments after the thunder moves on are beautiful cherished memories to hold close to my heart. In a way, I need to admit that I wouldn't have appreciated those quiet nights as much without going through those loud, intense thunderstorms. 

Wip/early design sketches below