♡

Had a good, balanced day. I had my first summer class (online) & did a lot of reorganizing in my office (hung a print, put in a new bookshelf & decorated it). Made black bean quesadillas for my dad and me. All dishes are done. The day started with 15 min of meditation and 30 min of yoga. Feeling positive. 

Yesterday I went to my ex’s apartment for the last time before he moves. I didn’t go in, but we sat 6ft apart outside in his yard. I’ve started wearing my Claddagh ring in the way that symbolizes that I’m in a relationship, though we are not official yet. I told him that I’m still seeing that guy & he told me he’s seeing someone over video chat who lives 2 1/2 hours away from him. We had a really honest & frank talk and it definitely was a good thing but also very sad for both of us. I mentioned that it felt hard for me to move on from what felt like unrequited love and he told me it wasn’t unrequited. That was nice closure. 

I had an emotional hangover afterwards but managed to facilitate a great group for my internship that night. It feels freeing that we can be friends AND be pursuing our own new relationships and openly talk about it, though not without some difficult feelings. I’m still going to help him move his bike to his new apartment, we still texted multiple times today, and my new potential partner is still in touch with his ex often, so it feels good and balanced for now.

I needed today to be with myself and also feel some grief about the pandemic. It was interesting that yesterday and last night, seeping into this morning, I felt physical anxiety for the first time since I upped my medication six weeks ago. That is kind of mind blowing. But it’s also good to know that it’s there too, and that I can’t forget how paralyzing it can be and how I must feel it.