american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.

Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three

Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.

Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.

Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl 

ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion. 

internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.

Best base line they ever conjured

Tbh, this base can get you pregnant if your not careful

Wow

THAT PART.

So y’all need a reminder on what the word “agenda” is?

shit memory who dis

My sense of humor is growing more and more ridiculous because I was just sitting here by myself thinking like what if instead of saying “are you kidding me” we said weird food related things like “are you frying my rice right now” or even “are you seriously buttering all of my toast with this” and honestly I cried

this post is the best thing I’ve ever put on this site because I’m still getting messages and replies from people with their own versions of these jokes

#are you flipping my pancakes

If it weren’t for capitalism I’d have more time to write! In fact if it weren’t for capitalism we’d have far more art! Just think how many masterpieces lay in the heads of those who have been crushed by the system. What if the cure for cancer is in the mind of someone who works 80 hours a week? Capitalism is counter to art and science, and it is counter to human fulfillment

If not for capitalism I’d actually be researching things I was interested in and making things that would help other people because DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET ARE OVERLOOKED ON A DAILY FUCKING BASIS GODDAMN I AM SO TIRED OF IT.

If it weren’t for capitalism, I would spend all day growing a garden full of delicious food and medicinal plants. I might even try to be a botanist. I just really love plants.

I’d study physics and the stars. I’d help maintain a huge community garden. I would take care of animals and live my life with more purpose and motivation. Fuck Capitalism

I love the thin brow look, wheres the tutorial on how to do these types of brows without looking like a chola

OHMYGOD I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THIS 

love

seriously the best ever.

This was actually my childhood. 

Wish they had these I high school