Why am I here?

Patient: I threw up 4 gallons of blood

Oh but "everyone is subjected to transmisogyny," right?

This is the point of TME/TMA. This is why non-transfeminine people aren't subjected to transmisogyny.

So, just out of curiosity a few years back I clicked on a headline for like an annual day of remembrance for tiannemen square, and it included a video so I wanted to see if they would play the full clip.

That clip stopped at the same point that the clip is always stopped when used in news stories, but the article linked a source about tiannemen square for further reading.

I clicked on that source, and it was very similar to the first article, roughly 2-3 short paragraphs of declarative statements, the same clip edited to cut off before it shows "tank man" climbing on top of the tank shortly before walking away unharmed, and another link to a source for further reading about the events at tiannemen square.

At that point I wanted to see if I would ever get through this chain of an attribution of an attribution down to any primary sources or even a single article that just showed the full, unedited clip at the very least.

Every link I clicked on had the same exact structure. It was an article from a major publication, they all featured either the singular famous still frame of Tank Man standing in front of the tank or they showed the edited clip that is cut before the clip shows him walking away safe and unharmed in order to imply that the tank ran him over, they all had a short summary of events and then the "source" provided if a reader wanted to verify the facts of the article was just another article repeating the same thing which linked to another article repeating the same thing which linked to... and so on and so on.

I probably went a few dozen links deep and never found a single article that used any primary source documents or historical analysis or investigative reports as a source for any of the claims made in the article. The only primary source to be found was the singular video that every article refused to show in full.

And to be clear, this isn't just some odd quirk of this specific event. This pattern is exactly how most modern propaganda makes its way into the public consciousness. When a claim or accusation is made and the source making the claim is of dubious veracity (such as when the US state department, intelligence agencies, and various affiliated NGOs make claims about states or groups that are targets of US aggression and intervention), then going through this process of publishing hundreds of articles that amount to little more substance than saying "BBC reported that NYT reported that The Sun reported that WaPo reported that The Guardian reported that an anonymous state department official said something happened" serves two purposes.

The first purpose that this process serves is that the original source that is of dubious or sometimes completely discredited veracity is now buried from scrutiny under and attribution of an attribution of an attribution of an attribution.

The second purpose this process serves is that it creates the appearance of academic, journalistic, and/or scholarly consensus even though this large volume of reporting ultimately traces back to a singular source.

To: ... all the heroes of the masses who, martyred under torture, or facing murder squads, raised the red flag of their cause, ... all those dedicated revolutionaries, who died fighting the enemy of the people, and watered the tree of our people's liberating revolution, ... all the political prisoners whose resistance and fortitude strengthen the people's front, and to all those warriors of the masses, who have joined the path to people's liberation ... the path of revolution. Iran, my land, Look how the ugly hyenas plough clots of blood into your rich soil. Look how the clear water from your depths is sucked into the sewage that is imperialism. But Iran, my land, I vow, I vow to answer the silence of your night with the clamour of bullets; the darkness of your night with the flame of bullets; the cold of your night with the warmth of bullets. And I vow As long as there is one drop of blood in my veins, I will not let your flag fall, I will not let your people bow I will not let your enemies sleep.

I (big, bad "AMAB" armed with my horrible masculine body) defended myself against my ex (poor, weak enby armed only with a 13 inch knife), got labeled an abuser, and FIVE YEARS LATER am still functionally exiled from my local community. Still denied entry to events or kicked out for made up reasons, still slandered, still iced out of social groups without explanation, and most recently they're trying to sue me for five years (over 100k) of "owed rent" on MY OWN HOME which will invariably result in the loss of said home. Somehow the "anarchists" that support them have no problem with this.

Almost everyone in my community has abandoned me. Hundreds of members of MY PHYSICAL COMMUNITY (including at least one sexual partner) liked the post accusing me of severe and prolonged physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse (this same ex that tried to stab me and is currently trying to steal my home and life's savings). I have never been offered any sort of path to reconciliation on the grounds that I refuse to accept all the blame and the stigma of the labels which have been chosen for me. To reenter my local community I would need to accept and internalize their delusion wherein I am this Machiavellian devil.

The psychological effects this has had on me have been devastating. My OCD, particularly with regard to obsessing over the morality of my actions, has gone from mild to crippling. I'm agoraphobic. I have had to start medication for central nervous system inflammation from extreme chronic stress. I've tried to kill myself a few times. My brain swelling against my skull has given me brain damage. I haven't been to a pride event in years. I will never fully recover. I will never forgive anyone who helped do this to me. And I will NEVER let something external to my own lived experiences with a trans woman affect how I treat her because she's already punished enough just for existing.

Thank you for reading, hopefully it's coherent.

*string music swells*

"visit other worlds..."