⊹ 𑣲 ' ͟ ͟✿͟ 𝗥𝗘𝗛𝐌⚛𝐍 ❜ . ° ⤵ .ᐟ
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. 𐙚 ˚ 𝓛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ( © waitedweilong ) 一緒͟ ͟ ͟ ͟!⠀♡⠀₊⠀𝚁𝙴𝙷𝙼𝙰𝙽 𝙳𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙸𝚃 ⠀ׁ⠀ꔛ 𝒃𝒚 𝗌𝖺𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀 ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ '· . 𐙚
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─ [ 🥮 ] the world might forget
me, but my love, you remember me .
‘tum ko dekha toh ye khayalִ ࣪𖤐 aya ’ ┆ jagjit singh .
𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆
𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒆
❪ you don't. . . seem to understand , ❫⠀𑁯໋⠀！⋆“ what do i not seem to understand ? ”
she circled the tip of her finger, doodling everything and nothing on his palm that he had left open for her . it was a gentle, ticklish feeling . something that made rehman's heart itch feebly . uncanny .for someone who had done nothing but cut heads with those same hands, it was queerish . his hands were rough, most of the time . either splashes of blood, slashes, small scratches, calloused or dirtied by coals . teen age had done him wrong. rehman wanted to be just like any other baloch kid .
destiny had messed him up . the small boy who wanted to be . . . normal, have his own rights in a flakey place like LYARI was now crowned as SHER E BALOCH . at least something was similar to the fantasies he had . rule and lead for his community .
" do i need to spell it out to you ? " the seventeen year old stared down at his hand, being occupied by the girl beside him . he knew he was translucent . at least, in her eyes . she wore her heart on her sleeve . at first, it was overburdening for rehman .
until, he found himself championing for her attention on himself . it started with letting her cut the extra string on his sleeve, with her teeth . overtime, he had realized that his heart has slipped . there was no going back . he was gone, gone .his gaze fell back on the scene before them . with a flourish of romantic hand the sunset had blossomed red and gold . it always does . the golden hour . she lets her head fall lightly on his shoulder . no thought whatsover .
" you should . you rarely confess back . " she broke out a faint smile, tilting her chin to look at his face .he was pretty . that's what she thought . wavy, longer than average hair . downwarded smile . faint stubble that any growing teenager had . eyes that held so much problems . the same ones that would shed waters like crystals upon her tender embrace . rehman rarely cried . and even if he did, which he learned to do so─ recently, he never showed his face to her . neither did she ask for that . she left that little space for him .
" jaan, " he takes a shallow breath through his nose . " i have my mother's blood on the same hand you're so tenderly caressing . " he blinked, tightening his jaw .in return all he got was a soft tune being hummed . he closed his eyes for half a second .
" so do i . " rehman furrowed his eyebrows about to argue back but she dismantles him before any of that . " you and i, i don't see any difference . between us, i see nothing . i am confident that you also share same ideas, when you took the knife from my ( trembling ) hand which had my father's blood . "
" how so ? " she raises both of her eyebrows, an amused smile playing on her face . " i have never told you the reason . " truth to be told, rehman never proded about it . he simply never questioned her .
" he must have been horr─ "
" exactly . " she whispered, a bit more cheery . " she must have been also awful to you . " rehman presses his lips together . he didn't know what to say . or more like . . . he had no reason to . in his stillness he scare her . perhaps it is the sunlight making his skin so coral, of the lack of wind letting every hair hang without movement, she's not sure . he doesn't even blink, just keeps his eyes on the lake as if it whispers secrets to him .
" you must quit digging your skin with thorns . " her eyes widen, absolutely taken aback . she paused, pushing her head off his shoulder but his arm circles around her, returning her to the place she called home ── in his arms .he knew .he knew that she pricked her skin with the thorns of the roses he would pick for her . deliberately . as a response upon seeing slashes on his own skin . and call it a paper cut at the end of the day . in her mind, she wanted to share not just his joy but also pain .
❪ YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND , ❫⠀𑁯໋⠀！⋆
“ WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO UNDERSTAND ? ” she stumbled back, as if the soul could bleed an ocean through the eyes, that was the enormity of her sobbing . he watched her stiff, spine finally learning how to crack . he had witnessed this before . countless times being married to her for over seventeen years .he had seen this all . the way her breath always hitches as soft as a dying bird whenever the truth pressed its palm against her chest .things shouldn't be ending this way . no . there was definitely something wrong . he had made sure she stayed out of this . this─mess he creates to soothe his insecurity .
rehman wanted to walk away . to drown in alcohol and call it a day . but how could he ? when his beloved was trembling before him, gazing at him as if──as if, she loathed him . the same eyes that was home, hearth and protection . it was beyond heavens . rehman couldn't grasp what changed so fast ? when did it change so awfully ? how ?
" you are killing children ! " she seethed, lips trembling . she was hurting . hurting so bad . it was paining her . it pained her more than when she had to push a human flesh out of her body . oh well, that also didn't stay with her, did it ? a mother, whose elder son was nothing but a victim of vengeance . " you are backstabbing our own people ! and you're telling me you know nothing about it ? " she rolled her eyes, a wry smile on her face . " don't give me that bullshit . " the eye that has lost the ability to show real and deep love, to be a gateway to their own soul, is dead . rehman never imagined seeing them tonight. it's abnormal in these parts.
" 3RD october, " rehman's blood ran cold . oh no . oh, no. oh, god no . " you changed the date because next day was my birthday . " the feeling of throat constricting, swallowing, shorter breath, the feeling that you have to GET OUT of this situation or you will break down, she hates all of it . yet, that's all she has been going through ever since she discovered things that were supposed to be a secret .
" if you knew, what you were doing is wrong, then why ? " she takes a step forward .he backs away .
" how could you ? " her lips quivered, tears threatening to fall from her eyes for the upteenth time . it turned . not just her eyes . but her whole body . shame . disgust . worst of all, she felt stranger to him . " you became what you feared the most . " her lips lifted, this was the kind of smile that made his hair stand on end . " and what i loath the most . "rehman's tongue was tied . for years, he had blocked her view . he had stepped before her, whisper sweet little words of comfort, before any evil could take turn . and now, she was looking at him as if she didn't see the man she once knew . not the little kid who would chase others to get her a kite . not the luver who had taken the blame of her own sins . and definitely not the leader of baloch community who took the oath for years to lead them, give them their rights . instead, all she saw was a terrorist .
" jaan, " rehman desperately cried out, yet it wasn't above a whisper . just soft . delicate . as fragile as a wet wood . he knew he had lost her . and he didn't want to believe that . do you know what's worse than not acknowledging your mistakes ? it's to do the same thing again and again . to know what you did was wrong but never stop . it was a futile, last attempt perhaps . to cling to her . to stop her . to brainwash her like he was . but rehman wasn't completely brainwashed in the name of religion . in his defence, it was almost like a coping mechanism . the lose of his own son's death, survival . for someone who had killed his own parents, all he had was his little family . which seemed to be vanishing as well . right before his eyes . and he couldn't redo it . jaan . she liked it . no . like would be an understatement to how much she adored and worshipped his affection . after everything, right now, the same word make her skin crawl .
" your father . " she whispered, " babu dakait, " she trailed . she brought her hands upto his face, in response rehman had stilled, closing his eyes, expecting a harsh slap .
frowning, rehman fluttered his eyes open slowly . much to his surprise, instead of a stinging sensation, her hands were placed on both sides of his face . gently caressing the skin . his white stubbles tickled her hand . didn't matter . she was numb . the hand trailed down from his face to his longline, black, kurta . her hands clenched into a fist against the handwoven khadi, trembling . then came the crimson traces in his sidelined vision . blood . suddenly he was aware of the warm, wetness on his skin . he didn't realize that her hands were bleeding . did the argument really dulled his focus that much ? or was it. . .
" y. . . you're— " he stammered, barely forming a sentence as he held her wrists only to halt at her next words ." blood of thousands, " she smears the blood harder onto his shirt, " it's on you, " she slowly met his gaze, " including your son's . " her hands dropped to her side, his grip on her wrist loosening . " soon mine too . "" jaan─ please, no . " he stammered again . he was going crazy . his heart was as if, about to burst . he had to fix this . there was no other way ." i really wish to die before you, " she muttered, voice raspy and ringing as if tormented . " so that even for a minute, you had regret and experience extreme guilt . the guilt of letting us down . that you killed it all . us . your people . everything . you destroyed every little dream i had for us . you broke it into such thin pieces, that i can't even hold it without pricking my own skin . "
" if i bleed,then you must,too . " flushed, her lips pulled back, teeth grinding . " i regret it all . " she gasped for air softly, " i wish that i forget you . that you become nothing but an awful, distant memory . because nightnares repeat . memories can be burned . but i would hate to give you so much importance . "she staggers, feeling dizzy . she was already pale as if she lost all colour to her misery . she breaks the eye contact and pulls away walking away without looking back at him . neither does rehman chase her back . he simply stands there, still staring right at the place where she was two seconds ago . the emptiness could kill him . it was worse than a slow poision .
❪ you didn't seem to understand , ❫⠀𑁯໋⠀！⋆
she whispered so softly, barely hearable as she stared at her own reflection in the mirror in front of her . she looked so pale . eyes shot red, puffed up, having no more tears left to shed . the swan like white salwar kameez cling to her skin so flirtatiously . she tried to hate this fabric . however, there was no cloth which wasn't bought by him . everything existed because of him . and now, the sole owner of the ‘ everything ’ wasn't existing anymore .
the news of SHER E BALOCH's demise came uncalled . the whole LYARI was weeping for their leader's sudden death . on the other hand, the one who actually reigned his heart and destiny, was upstairs . away from all the chaos, hysterical cries, performative stunts . she could still hear the muffled noises when she closed the door of their bedroom with a small push . her bandaged hand slowly pushed the drawer open . she didn't know when she bandaged her hand . but when she woke up, she found it completely aided and neatly bandaged . she only had scoffed . the damage was already done .
what could fix it ? at least not a simple bandage . sometimes she thinks the reaction a person has to another's pain tells more about that person than they'd like .her face softened as she picked up the hard metal . SIG P250 . it doesn't take fool to understand what it was . the dead man had always kept a pistol near the bed . had always taken the side of the bed which was close to the window . had always made her sleep close to the door so that escape could be less tiring for her . the derelict widow had learn about weapons a bit, thanks to him . but she didn't know that she would be using the pistol this way .he did not understand .she wanted to end her life before him . to leave the luvlorn man alone, to swim in misery . in guilt . in agony . destitute of any feelings . she wanted him to regret and repent even after his death . she wanted him to beg and cry out for her, till blood came out of his mouth and he lost his voice . she wanted him to remember her, aching for her to at least acknowledge him . but she was trying to forget him . after all the abhorrent deeds he had caused .she picked up the pistol and slowly tilted it to her temple .
her gaze frantically ran over the room . the room smelled like him . wickedly erotic . foul yet extremely rich in sweetness . she did not know if she wanted to burn down the whole house or just press his clothes close to her chest, just a little more .her eyes stilled at the veranda, tracing the wooden swing with a strange sense of melancholy . she could see him . see herself . see them .
the sweet little illusion . him, leisuring, with glasses lazily places on his nose──perhaps, reading catalogues, trying to figure out the fashion so that he could gift her better each time . no, it was not even a gift . rehman would get offended at the word ‘ gift ’ . he believed it was nothing but his barest potrayal of affection . gifting was luxury . this was necessity for him . and then, she would drop herself on his lap, or between his legs trying to divert his attention .he would deny her that . not because he disliked it, but because he adored her greed . when he won't kiss back, she would do it herself by pressing hee cheek against his lips . he would barely move, watching her bristle under his gaze . each time, she would pull away and press her cheeks against his face and rehman would lean closer each time, without actually kissing her cheek .
just there . the swing would move, naieem and faizal would bicker somehwere around the garden .
she adjusts the gun like her limbs don’t really belong to her and each tru is a negotiation rather than an order . everything hurts now . every damn thing .she would wince if she were to cross the floor, heading to get rehman's clothes but another individual runs to her and wrapping his arms around her waist .
guess she is not forgotten quite yet .she bends against the will of my joints to get down to his eye level and he looks at her wide eyed . she was expecting a poke on the metallic weapon on her hand but instead he wraps his arms around her neck. " ammi, " the helpless woman shuts her eyes, tears finally rolling down her cheeks for the first time after last night . she did not shed anything even after the news of her dearest being dead . but now, she did .
" everything will be fine, honey . " she whispers, her voice honeyed and croaked as she plasters a faint smile on her face . everything was not supposed to be fine . but now, she had to make it fine . her arms wrap around her younger son, faizal, caressing his small back as he muffles his sobs against the soft fabric of her kameez . young child . sweet child . he was yet to be facing the dull world . for now, all he could do was turn to her swan like white world .
the noirette's lips quiver as she holds back the gasps and sobs, slowly discarding the pistol, away from his vision . she will live .
that's all her destiny was .
to endure the curse that was meant for him .
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