#anirudh

Let me preface this little post by saying. That Ryan was exceptional tonight. His silent tears really took me out. I didn't want it to end that way, but I'm not surprised. As far as I'm concerned, Minear is an asshole. Last season he essentially said fuck you and die to the fans when he aired an episode that demonstrated he understood that the characters of a television show give us, the fans, hope. (The one with Brad and the man about to commit suicide.) Then at the end of the season he killed Bobby. So yeah, that is what Tim Minear thinks of us. Therefore, I'm not even surprised he would do that to Abuela. (Sorry, I didn't plan that mini rant.) And the rant should not distract from how good Ryan was as an actor in this. He was, as I said, exceptional.

That said, for the past seven years, Eddie has been shown to us as Buck's partner. When he was with Shannon, when he was with Ana, when he was with Marisol, he was never truly without Buck. His struggles with being a Dad... Buck was there. He was there subtly. There were many times, I doubted Buddie because some stories were ambiguous. I see after tonight, that we never got to see Eddie as truly separate from Buck. Eddie arrived on the scene in season 2, and from that time until the end of season 8, Buck and Eddie were written in such a way that showed them as subtly falling in love or already in love with one another. There were also times when those scenes were ambiguous enough that they could be read as having feelings of friendship or feelings of love. Sometimes I doubted which story the show was trying to tell, but after tonight, I would say those ambiguous scenes felt more like love instead. Stay with me here as I try to put all this into words.

Over the break everyone was talking and complaining about being baited, saying it should have happened by now, and they were right. It should have happened, or at the very least, Eddie should be out of the closet. However, even journalists were calling it out at the end of season 8, saying the show should 'put up or shut up.'

This season has shown Buck and Eddie separated, but not at odds. The first four episodes were not really about them, but we could feel the distance. Some people believe that Buck was jealous over Hen because of his feelings for Eddie. Others are taking Oliver's interview at face value. He is still struggling with the loss of Bobby and feels alienated by all the change happening around him. It is debatable, but so far, I don't feel there is anything to convince me. It feels different from the previous seven seasons of Buddie. Tonight's episode is the first time we see them really interacting. There was a little frustration between them, but that was not about them having a spat as boyfriends or even friends. Eddie was clearly in his own feelings. They were upset in their own separate ways that had nothing to do with each other. Tonight was the first time I watched them play a scene where they came off as just friends. The intimacy that was present from seasons 2 through 8 wasn't there. By the end, I felt like if the show has pulled the trigger and has decided to stop baiting, this is what the new normal will look like. They have separate lives. Again, for the first time, I can really see just how much the past seven seasons really set them up as a couple. (So much so that I consider comments like, "The fans are reading what they want into the episodes," as either gaslighting or rage baiting) The fact that I can say that, is evidence of how drastic I consider the difference in how their friendship looked in tonight's episode in comparison to everything that has come before it.

So where do I feel this leaves us. Oddly enough, if you choose to have hope, there is room because three plans could be in place. One, they've pulled the trigger and decided to stop baiting. We must adjust to the new normal. This is who Buck and Eddie are as individuals who are platonic friends. [How do I feel about this? I don't want to baited with no follow through. If there is never going to be follow through, I hate it, but it has to happen this way.] Option two, they have decided to make Buddie a real couple on the show, and the way the two were written through subtext, would look unhealthy in a fully realized relationship. [In subtext, with hidden motivations and denied sexuality, their behavior makes sense. Seeing the intimacy play out in subtle unnamed ways made sense and was even exciting.] However, if they bring it out of subtext, some of what made sense when things were unspoken between them, would become unhealthy. For example, spending all day together, leaving work, spending all evening together, and then add sex and the complications even good relationships have and you have a recipe for disaster. Their lives must include something that gives them independent agency. So option two would see the current situation as creating enough separation that they can come back together for something healthy and permanent. That isn't to say there was nothing healthy in Buddie either. They have demonstrated trust, loyalty, nurturing, and so much more, but they also had no other lives beyond each other. (This was necessary for the subtext.)

The latest episode also shows us how they work as individuals, completely unmotivated by feelings they have for the other. Option one and two require that Buck and Eddie are independent of each other. For option one, this means they've pulled the trigger and now have to finish shaping the characters so we can see something other than the 'Ship' when they do have scenes together. For option two, again, it is more healthy to have a relationship where individuals come together to be partners and not be codependent. [How do I feel about option 2? I would rather option two, in some shape or version happen. I truly can't stand watching them be just friends after watching seven seasons of something so much more intimate. I don't want to be baited, but that doesn't change seven seasons of build up. Seeing them behave as normal friends in this episode highlight just how homoerotic Buddie has been thus far. I will never be satisfied with any story that puts them with another person male or female. It will never be as good as the build up of that subtext, and while I endorse their individuality, erasing how they got here, would be a disappointment.

Option three, is something unnamed that I can't imagine. lol

Now as sure as I am typing this, I am sure that several people will find or have already found a way to make a stray look or a turn of phrase look like evidence of Buddie, and I don't want to be a downer for those people. I am trying to keep it real for myself and be objective. Quite frankly, if you have to freeze a frame or slow down a GIF to make a scene look a certain way, then you really aren't viewing the show in context. And that is sort of my point, in the previous seven seasons, you didn't have to do those things because the show was doing it for you. What comes next? I don't know. We are coming up on hiatus, and there is zero indication that Eddie is acknowledging his hidden sexuality or that he is unaware of his feelings. I'm frustrated and want to quit, but I don't know how to give up hope.

I made this post so long, I don't feel justified in talking about all the other things on my mind. Oliver featured in this episode, but he's MIA on social media. What's up?

Like one of the main plot of the movie....is a chair that atomizes people....what. I mean if it was supposed to be a sci-fi film or sth id buy it but no this is just happening.

Also the fact that like an half an hour before the movie ended they decided to pull the whole "oh if someone calls with ur coolie no THATS YOUR KID" LIKE NO EXPLANATION FOR THAT. LIKE IS HES THE DAD WHOS THE MOM ???? LIKE THE MOM CANT BE SHOBANA CAUSE THATS HIS SIS AND THERES LIKE NO OTHER CHANRACTER MENTIONED??? its like they wanted to jam in 10,000 different plot ideas into one.

The dreaded monica bit. who was that for, what was the point. Like I get item songs and stuff (dont like em but i get it) but this is like....for the sake of an item song theres a small diversion in storyline.

and it dragged on for soo fucking longg. There were like 4 different points where i was like oh the movies gonna end now. Also Upendra's character....why is he there. He literally has no job in the plot except to beat the shit out of people. idk i just feel like they underused him.

There were too many fake outs man. But one thing ill say is that Soubin and Rachitha Ram has acted REALLY GOOD. Especially Rachita ram as Kalyani like THAT WAS GOOD.

Anirudh dawg stop, pleaseee. He needs to stop adlibbing the shit out of the songs I AM THE DANGER? I AM YET TO RECOVER FROM BADASS MR LEO DAS IS A BAD ASS. Im not asking pulitzer level poem or anything. The beats were cooking but the lyrics were charred.

I haaaaate the monica song. please. we don't need to incorporate dance mixes/item songs into movies like this anymore. I fucking hated kaavala from jailer too. but at least tamannaah had something to do with the plot, as stupid as it was. pooja was here for just that one song.

actually I take it back about tamannaah having something to do with the plot. I like coolie for knowing what pooja was for and not wasting any time with anything to do with her after her dance number.

actually no I hate them both (the movies for doing item numbers).

anyway, I like deva as a character more than whatever retired cop rajini played in jailer. I'm so fucking done with cop movies. coolie being about worker solidarity at least was nice, even if it fumbled that.

also fuck you anirudh. just when I thought you moved past the stupid vocal fry 'leo das is a badass' you come in here with 'i am the danger' with the walter white sound bite and all? just put the beats in the bag lil bro.