i will run but i know that i am beat.

BLAIR: Is this a joke or a genius marketing strategy?

MADI: it's a joke but you're onto something there

AMBER: A reddit guide... Okay, deal. You're going to have to help me with where to get started once I ever manage to make an account. Although I'm trying to lessen my social media usage, I don't know if adding another platform is the best idea.

AMBER: Hmm. Okay, okay. I'm gonna have to think though, so I'll get back to you on that.

AMBER: A walkie-talkie! 😄

MADI: reddit baaaarely counts. it's like... mostly just something to read while you're on the subway. you can choose to participate, but it's a lot of just entertaining content.

MATT: so am I

MATT: What can I say? I like to be ready to rock n roll, as the old white dads say. And you, apparently.

MADI: i'm absolutely an old white dad. you've met me. you know this.

LOLA: ...So what I'm hearing is, you want me to buy you a drink.

MADI: y'all are reading between those lines and i gotta say it's working out really well for me

JEMMA: OMG HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

JEMMA: sup suzy fuck you pepper thinks we should bang and while normally i want to punch her face in

JEMMA: i can't disappoint my public

MADI: sup you know what i saw that and i can't say she's wrong

MATT: You seem nervous

MATT: I did want to get a drink. I’m just planning ahead just in case

MADI: i'm shockingly as cool as a cucumber. just INTO IT, as the kids say.

MADI: i do like my women prepared. you've got that 20/20 foresight. much respect.

AMBER: I really should get on reddit. I read so many funny Facebook posts that came from reddit. Also some very dark ones, I think that might be why I've stayed away this long.

AMBER: To tell you a joke? Oh, man. Okay, let's see.

AMBER: What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

MADI: alright, okay. yes. you have to just kind of know where the reddit boundaries are. let me be your wholesome reddit guide--i'm especially fit for the job because i also read a lot of the terrible things, too, because i'm a garbage human being who absorbs whatever entertainment is available to me. but that's alright.

MADI: submit to me 3 to 5 things you like to see content wise and i'll blow your mind with some great subreddits. and then just... stay there. parental lock it down, baby.

MADI: YES give me the goods

AMBER: 🤣🤣

AMBER: I liked that one way better.

MADI: excellent. plenty more where that came from.

MADI: (reddit. they come from reddit. i'm a fraud with a heart of gold.)

MATT: That’s not the kind of mentality you should have. Shoot your shot w 100% confidence. It works for me.

MATT: I execute great things with my mouth, too. Js.

MADI: alright. nice. cool cool cool. cooool.

Oh, if you haven’t gone through that phase yet, you’re still in for a world of heartache and pain. I’m glad your Wrecking Ball phase is over. She really does deserve every happiness, right? I was so excited to see she and Liam had gotten married, I always totally shipped them. Oh, no, no one’s shaming me. I’m actually kind of surprised, I thought people would be. Not that I’m complaining; I’m so here for all of the Miley love.

Do you think kids these days will ever really understand any Miley phase? I think they’re all addicted to... Drake? Do we still like Drake? Post Malone? Man, I can’t keep up. I do my best to stay hip, but at the end of the day, I’m just a basic bitch with a love for Britney Spears, showtunes, and... weird indie pop. 

Actually, who the fuck am I kidding? I’m the coolest. 

I digress. 

That’s a relationship that’s stood some tests, let me tell you. They’re never allowed to divorce. I’ll fight them both. They’re a testament to true fuckin love. That’s good that you’ve received nothing but positive reinforcements, here--I don’t play around when it comes to being shamed for livin’ your truth. 

AMBER: I did, I hate that about me!

AMBER: I don't know, why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

MADI: and i love that about you, ya silly goose.

AMBER: I ruined this joke for myself by thinking "you have to buy a drink first" was the password and spending the rest of it confused as to why the guy didn't get that. I obviously think too logically sometimes.

AMBER: Tell me another one??

MADI: you jumped the gun, sunflower!! luckily for you i am FULL of sweet goofs.

MATT: Is this your nerdy way of saying you want to get drinks?

MATT: bc it’s only kinda working 😉

MADI: this has gone 32% better than i originally thought it would. nice.

Thank you for everybody sticking with me through my live tweeting of the Golden Globes.  If you muted me: you’re weak, and you’ll never survive the rest of awards season!  

It was truly an honor to follow your journey. I missed the beginning because I was out with some friends and some goober told me that I’d never beat him in Words with Friends, and the next thing I knew it was 10pm and I was four tequila shots deep racking in those sweet sweet triple score tiles--truly a win for women everywhere, just trust me--and I missed so many of the goods. I dove back through your feed for a solid recap, though, so shout out to you for your service. You can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be (wine drunk but) present for the Oscars. Already requested off work. 

MADI: A guy walks into a bar and asks, "What's the WiFi password?"

MADI: The bartender replies, "You have to buy a drink first."

MADI: So the guy is like, "okay. I'll take a Coke."

MADI: And the bartender asks, "Is Pepsi okay?"

MADI: And the guy is like, "sure, that's fine. What's the WiFi password?"

So, I’m following Pop Crave on Twitter.. because of course I’m following Pop Crave on Twitter. I’m basic like that. Anyway! They tweeted today about artists who are releasing music in 2019, and Miley Cyrus was on the list. Do you know how excited I suddenly am? I grew up with her! Not, like, with her… But listening to her music, you know? I stuck around through the Bangerz fiasco, I feel like I deserve this new stuff!

Anyone else now hype about Miley or am I the only loser around here?

I’m absolutely hype about Miley. I can’t say I’ve got a lot of her jams on my playlist (although I have gone through my “crying while listening to Wrecking Ball phase,” because we’ve all been there, amiright ladies?), but she deserves to be happy and successful, damn it. Is anyone shaming you for your excitement? Because I’ll beat ‘em up.