every day I wake up and it’s fucking january

(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it

despite never being reprimanded for getting sick if my dog throws up she will ‘tattle’ on herself and run over to me, show me the throw up, then hide and start shaking uncontrollably. nobody taught her to do this. she has decided that throwing up is a punishable offense until the end of time

my dog has decided that it’s solely on her shoulders to ensure there is peace in my house…if the cats fight she stands between them to ‘break it up’ and/or herds them away, if my rats have an argument she goes to the cage door and barks until they stop. not sure why she has decided she must carry the weight of the world but she has

Put your hands together for Weevil 192 everybody

I’m getting way too comfortable at work. My boss asked me to do something and I replied ‘pay me’ and he looked like the saddest wettest little bug and said ‘we… we do?’

Just found out I was thirsty not by receiving a signal from my body about it but by dozing off and dreaming about cold water from different alluring angles. This is great. I think all my wants and needs should be revealed to me this way

remember to pay attention to me btw. remember to pay attention and to be in love with me. btw. right now