good vibes ruiner

I saw a post about someone chiding Millennials for not knowing about JKRowlings transphobia, and asking how it is at all possible that people can exist in the world and the internet and, you know, not know.

Which I mean, I get. It is so present in so many of my online spaces that it seems astounding that someone could simply be ignorant! It feels impossible!

But let me tell you a story:

I went on a girls trip with a bunch of friends. All of us are rather incredibly liberal and all of us are incredibly online.

One girl would not stop talking about Harry Potter.

At one point, another girl asked her why she was ok with supporting it, and she had no real clue that JK Rowling was at all transphobic. She had heard that she likes to support Lesbian causes and thought “oh ok cool!” And that was it. She was AGOG with the news and rather horrified.

I must once again emphasize that she was an incredibly online person. She’s a foodie and a restaurant blogger.

Later in the trip we were picking restaurants and I suggested one I found on Google, and she gasped at me. Actually gasped, asking how I could ever be okay picking that one.

The shock must’ve been on my face, because she then told me all of the shitty things that restaurateur does. He abuses staff. Underpays them. Fires them on a whim. Is known for being one of the worst people to his employees in the entire restaurant business on this coast.

And she was so shocked I had never heard of this. Because in her mind, I was just as online as her. And in her online world, EVERYONE knew about this guy.

So I think the moral of this story is: always approach the other person with some empathy. Even online people, even people you think MUST know about how bad people are, may not have heard. It may truly be just them being on a different sphere of the internet than you.

So be gentle, be kind when letting people know they might not have heard about the cancellation of XYZ person. Don’t assume that everyone knows all the same info as you.

[Image ID:

A pair of images of Brian David Gilbert with subtitles of what he is saying. In the first image, he has a guarded expression and is saying “And if you needed me to tell you that..”

In the second image he has a more pleasant expression and is saying “I’m glad I told you that.”

Twice in my youth (once in high school and once in college) I was in situations where I was asking someone out and I could tell they were calculating in their heads the risks of rejecting me, and both times I said, out loud, "you can say no, I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't prepared for either answer." And then they said no. This wasn't some spark of special wisdom I had - I knew to do it because feminist conversations among my age group brought it up regularly. This isn't happening nearly enough anymore.

More recently, I was really glad when we got to "rejection sensitive dysphoria" in my IOP program and it was one of those symptoms where the therapists really emphasized how it affects others. Because it does.

of course it's the groceries but it isn't just the groceries, it's everything. now it is $25 for you to eat at chipotle. you remember when they were famous for their portion sizes (and their food safety issues). you were a hungry college student and could actually-afford to eat there. these days the food is worse and the price is higher - why not just go anywhere else?

you have just a quick question for your pharmacy so you look at their website and even do battle with their chatbot but inevitably the answer isn't there. you try calling customer service. you listen to first a long automated message telling you to go online and try the website first. you listen to an AI voice named Jan or Kelly as she asks you to state the nature of your request and hems and haws and says i'm sorry, i don't think i'm understanding. you try pressing "0" and saying "speak to an operator" and "talk to a representative" and "live agent". she never connects you. if literally one person spoke to you, you'd have been able to resolve this in approximately 15 minutes. it has now been an hour and Jan/Kelly's server farm is out there somewhere ruining the environment while she fails to do her job.

you watch as more and more corporations choose shady business practices - are caught on camera doing so - and discover that no legal action has been taken. that the company is calling the obvious and deliberate action "a sad accident." you watch people point out that "black friday sales" are literally more expensive than the original price. you watch as someone shows an email that is literally violating consumer safety laws. you watch as someone blatantly commits fraud.

but who are you supposed to call about that? there are no regulations anymore. they're free of that nasty "red tape" republicans hate so much. food is spoiling on the shelves and there is cesium in your shrimp. everywhere you look, the same dedication to the shareholders. everywhere you look, the prices get higher while the product gets worse.

they can keep doing it forever, right! they can just keep doing whatever they want, forever. infinite money glitch.

and the thing is: you were okay to pay a certain amount to watch a movie for the experience (and of course that one moment with nicole kidman). you understand that verizon has always been evil; you weren't expecting a rapturously friendly experience. you came from a family where money was always tight: you have always been trying to "do the right thing". the coupons and the price-matching and going to twenty stores just to find 6 different things.

as an adult: actually, you are okay to spend a little extra if the product is nice, if you are given something wonderful. if it is worth it.

but now the bag is half-empty. now the clothes are ever-thinner. now they release the game half-finished with the attitude of: whatever, you'll buy it. the technology that used to last you 5+ years now falls apart in the second month due to a known manufacturing error that you have to pay to resolve. the gas monopoly quietly installs a new "smart meter" that artificially raises your costs by 300 a month. the trip to disney is not magical; it is expensive and hostile. you are priced out of your own life in order to worship the shareholders.

you do the capitalist thing: you take your business elsewhere.